Denial of obvious depression

[wheresmejumper]

Hey all, long time lurker but rarely post but I love the advise so here goes...

Im so depressed its scaring me and I dont know what my first step is. I am crying constantly, even when Im walking down th street I cannot stop the tears. I suck it up when Im in company but as soon as Im on my own Im in a deep funk of a depression that I cannot lift. I even rang the samaritans over the Christmas period as I feel so alone but tbh I dont think I was ready to talk to anyone about it.

The thing is I cant see myself going to a doctor or a councillor, I find that I have no reason for this depression its almost self indulgent for me to feel like this. I havent had a bad life.Ive had a good childhood loving parents still alive, siblings who I get on with, nieces and nephews I love dearly, friends to share problems with and best of all a wonderful DP and DS. There has been no trauma in my life, no bad things have happened to me bar ill health that has been constant throughout my life..I feel I have no right to be depressed...

But depressed I am..I mired in the pit of despair right now and I cant find my way out..

I know others have been through this. Can anyone tell me how they go through this? Sorry its so long....

Go and see your gp on Tuesday , it'll be a positive step to book an appointment

My heart goes out to you. I am on my second lot of anti depressants. First time I was exactly the same no reason I felt a fraud. This time I should have spotted the signs and gone to the doctors sooner.

Please go to your doctors they can help. You are not alone xx

You don't need to have had a dreadful experience to feel so depressed. Maybe you have clinical depression rather than reactive depression?

It is an awful way to feel and you really need to go to the doctor.

Hi - i have had depression and anxiety for a number of years now following PND. I have absolutely no reason for it. Lovely life, lovely family, great job. I feel terribly guilty when I read the experiences of some mumsnetters who have / have had so much more to deal with than me.

But clinical depression is an illness just like any other. Try not to beat yourself up about it - i know thats easier said than done.

You mention ill health - is that something physical that has affected you?

hope you feel able to get some help soon. If nothing else keep reading here - its very supportive x

Wheresmejumper - like others say here you sound like you are suffering "no right" to be feeling like this. That is absolutely a symptom of depression. It is like someone with bad flue saying they are aching and lethargic etc. I have suffered 2 major episodes of depression, one last year (and hospitalised for 3 months) an one 15 years ago (alos hospitalised for 3 mths) The first episode was due to my closest friend dying at a young age, I have no idea what brought on the last one.

You say you have had ill health thoughout your life time. Can you say what this is and maybe is related to your depression.

When I am depressed I feel exactly as you do, I have no right/I am being self indulgent/there should be something I could do to stop this happening/I'm ashamed etc etc. These are all symptoms of depression. PLease believe me.

You really really need to see a GP. Write down your symptoms(a list rather than a rambling account) and show it to the GP. In any event, they have their own assessment forms and will ask you certain questions e.g. "Do you feel sad" every day/most days/rarely/never and there will be issues about sleep, eating, concentrating, having suicidal thoughts etc. They will then decide whether you depression is mild/moderate or severe, and whether you need to be referred to a psychiatrist. Only 1 in 10 patients going to a GP with depression will be referred to a psychiatrist. Mostly the GP will prescibe an Anti-depressant and mostly they prescribe the SSRIs (citaprolam or sertraline) these days. You must remember that you will not be telling the GP anything that he/she hasn't heard a hundred times before.

The only trouble is that ADs work differently on different people and sometimes it is trial and error before the right one is found for you, but they are very effective once the right one is found. The other thing to remember is that almost all people recover completely from depression although no one can give you a timetable.

WherecanIhide - you make a distinction between clinical depression and reactive depression and I think this is incorrect if you don't mind my saying so. Clinical depression means that it is severe and needs treatment (sometimes inpatient care). The reason for depression is sometimes reactive but sometimes there is no reason (as with the OP) or it is something from the past that has re-emerged in adulthood, of which we may or may not be aware.

Hi Kizzie!

There isn't always a clear reason why people get depressed. Sometimes it is more genetic than a bad childhood. Make an appointment with your GP. xx

Just to follow up thanks very much I know you are right..I have an appointmnent with the GP tomorrow so if I have the courage Ill bring it up with her although she is a bit intuitive and I think she was hinting at it recently...

I have had RA for most my life..never let it get me down never let it stop me doing anything..I guess its just catching up with me now.

Hope your appointment goes ok tomorrow and you feel able to talk to your gp. I have no personal experience of RA but have a friend with it and sometimes she feels so worn down by it. It could me the accumulation of having to deal with it over a number of years x

Hi nananina x