Am really struggling. Seems triggered by ds's brief hospital stay the other day. He had to spend the night on that friggin saturation monitor that he was on for three weeks as a newborn because he stopped breathing every five minutes when he was a day old (then it was seizures, not his lungs). It brought so much back and everytime the thing beeped (mostly through malfunction)I expected them to rush in to resuscitate my ds like they did then.
I'm so low. I feel everything's out of control. I can't protect my family, I can't keep them safe, nothing is safe. I have flashbacks again both to the neonatal unit and to the abuse.
Dh is struggling too and feeling physically rough so not much support. A good friend knows I'm struggling because I avoided saying how I was when he texted me but funnily enough these holidays are a rotten time to have a get together with a friend to unload. it's busy family time. All I want to do is hibernate. Can't walk away anymore. Need to look after ds.
Heck what a self indulgent moan. Just need to get it off my chest.