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Mental health

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Flip

Original poster

so fed up and I need a hug

22 replies

MrsMiggins · 29/09/2005 15:14

I just dont know what to do - just cried all the way home in the car and am in hysterics. Got to pick the kids up from nursery in an hour and then try to manage without crying til bed time as DH is away AGAIN.
Im on the "Affairs" thread under relationships and I jsut dont know what to do.

Im on ADs for PND since April and seeing a counsellor buyt I just feel so low....I feel Im back to square one & am desperate to escape

My parents are away on holiday; I cant tell my brother about my DHs affair and I just am besides myself.

DH away again tonight in same town as HER and I just know Im going to cry on the phone to him. Thinking of not answering or txting saying going out. All I want to do is run away from my house & kids - not really but just struggling to cope.
The doctor told me I need to sort this affair out as my depression/crying is going to affect the kids BUT IM NOT THE ONE WHO HAD THE AFFAIR !!!

I just need a cuddle and someone to tell me its all going to work out....and the one person I want more than anything is the one whos hurt me....

OP posts:

Lizzylou · 29/09/2005 15:17

Oh, Mrs M, hope you feel better.
No real advice but lots if supportive virtual hugs

lucy5 · 29/09/2005 15:20

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}. Thats the first time ive ever sent cyber hugs but you sound like you could do with them.

deceived · 29/09/2005 15:23

Sorry to hear you're having a bad day. I've had plenty myself. The desperation can be really bad and you feel it's not worth it anymore. Is there a friend that can come round to be with you to give you some support.

You will get through this and there will be better days ahead.

You need to tell your dh how you're feeling as keeping it to yourself will make it worse.

Put a dvd on for the children and give yourself sometime.

deceived · 29/09/2005 15:25

I've got to go to work now, but will check this thread later to see how you're doing.

Original poster

MrsMiggins · 29/09/2005 20:14

managed to control myself once picked kids up
gave them tea & then the 3 of us played til bedtime

then DH rang - usual stuff - him asking about my day which I didnt feel like talking about and then he said " off out with MD and new Sales person"...bit of tooing and suddenly I burst into tears telling him how sh't this is for me and that "the one thing I loved more than anything else in the world was you and you gave yourself to someone else".... at which point I broke down & switched the phone off. He rang back but I rejected the call....

Im pleased with myself for telling him how Im feeling but that doesnt bring him home tonight - if it were me, Id tell his MD my wife is very ill & I need to leave now * come home....but he wont even think about doing that

I just know I cant go on like this....

OP posts:

compo · 29/09/2005 20:16

I know it's tough but you have to make a decision in your head whether or not you are going to make it work with dh. If you are then you have to try and be strong, and not think he should be home with you rather than at his work conference. I know how hard it is but if you want it to work you can't keep beating yourself and dh up about it.

compo · 29/09/2005 20:16

I know it's easier said than done though...

Original poster

MrsMiggins · 29/09/2005 20:37

I know what you're saying Compo but the hard fact is that SHE is staying down there too....his life just carries on as normal apart from the extra sex & IM left up here wondering and struggling

I KNOW you're right but its soooo hard

OP posts:

compo · 29/09/2005 20:40

what do you mean the extra sex? He's not still seeing her is he?

Lonelymum · 29/09/2005 20:41

Is the affair continuing MrsMiggins or has it ended?

Original poster

MrsMiggins · 29/09/2005 20:45

no I mean that has stopped
that doesnt make it easier though as he sees nothing wrong with spendng time with her as "its over"

OP posts:

compo · 29/09/2005 20:54

Does he work with her? Does he have to see her? Would he change jobs if you insisted he never saw her again?

Original poster

MrsMiggins · 29/09/2005 20:59

she is his senior team leader and no, he wont leave his job
like I said "Im professional enough to cope with having to see her every day"

OP posts:

Lonelymum · 29/09/2005 20:59

How can you trust him to be in the same town as this woman though? It must be so hard for you!

compo · 29/09/2005 21:01

would he leave his job if you asked him too? It really does seem out of order that he still sees her.

Amanda1 · 29/09/2005 21:10

Message withdrawn

kath4kids · 29/09/2005 21:19

MM I don't know what to say to make you feel better. Those thoughts and feelings feel so fresh and new sometimes don't they. I have times when i feel ok but then just want to cry when i see how much our lives have changed since i found out about the affair.

They have done this to us. They called the shots for so long and now the tables have turned. I don't know what to suggest to give you the coping mechanisms you need while he is away. Maybe yo either have to decide to trust him and if your gut reaction is that he won't do it again then go with it. But if you have any fear that he might then you really have to challenge him about it. It just doesn't seem fair that we are going through so much pain for something that we didn't do.

Just wish i could come and have coffee with you and let you cry on my shoulder.

Original poster

MrsMiggins · 29/09/2005 21:29

I dont like them working together and certainly dont like them staying in same town. Last week was same hotel!!

I wish you could come round for coffee too....i have put a brave face on today especially as went out with friend who has just had a masectomy & reconstruction but inside Im in pieces. I think the few who know think Im mad to still be here.

OP posts:

deceived · 29/09/2005 21:36

Keep talking on here as there are a few of us in the same situation. You are not mad for staying with him. You love him and have been with him for years and in all that time he was faithful.

Your coping is complicated by the fact that he is still seeing her on a work basis and until that's resolved you will be up and down all the time.

Hope tomorrow is a more positive day for you.

Original poster

MrsMiggins · 29/09/2005 21:40

ID feel better if he rang
I know he had to go out to dinner with the MD and new Sales person BUT youd think he'd find time to check I was ok.

thatd the big thing isnt it - hes just carrying on as if nothing has changed except my life & dreams have been shattered - THATS how I feel

OP posts:

soapbox · 29/09/2005 21:45

This is all so sad

I've been there and I know how grim things can get!

Are you sure the affair has stopped?

My exH promised and promised that it had and it hadn't

There was no going back for me after that - one breach of trust was bad enough - two - forget it!!!!!

Anyway - just wanted you to know that sadly there are a few of us who know how you feel, and it isn;t nice

Original poster

MrsMiggins · 29/09/2005 21:56

its the unknown
if he said "thats it" & left - I could deal with that - I know it would hurt & be hard BUT I would manage

Im scared that Im fighting a losing battle

I feel that hes not taking it seriously enough by carrying on working there - yes I know we have a mortgage but whats more important?
our marriage (and family) or his bloody job?
I suspect the latter

OP posts:

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