Do you ever really hate yourself?

[MemooMerrilyOnHigh]

I really actually can't stand myself. I hate the way I look, I am so disgustingly fat and have no clothes that fit me properly. Went to see ds's carol concert on Thursday and it was so hot but I couldn't take my coat off because I am so embarressed by how I look My hair is shit, tried to cut it myself and it just looks weird now.I hate my personality and my inability to cope like everyone else. Can't even hold a bloody conversation atm without talking complete bollocks. My house is a tip, really want to get everything perfect for Christmas but I am fighting a losing battle.

basically I am a total fucking freak

Everyone else doesnt cope Memoo - honestly they dont.
And christmas is a bloody nightmare when you are struggling anyway.
I am going through a 'blip' (keep telling myself its a blip ) and needed to clean/tidy the house today ahead of relatives coming later in the week. It was like wading through quick sand.

Please take the pressure off yourself for the next few days. Its just another week ...

Take Care x

All the time Memoo, all the time. I could have written your op. If you're a freak then I'm a freak too so we can't be because freaks don't come in pairs.

I don't know what to suggest because I'm in the same boat. What are you doing for Christmas? Are you going somewhere or are people coming to you? Or are you staying at home?

Christmas is a nightmare, you are right. Feel the need to be the perfect mother/wife even more. Sorry you're having a hard time too x

Hi RockinRobin, We are staying at home for Christmas but have my parents and brother coming for dinner. I'm lucky in that DH loves to cook so he is doing lunch this year. My DC have had a shit year and I so want to make this Christmas perfect for them but feel I am failing already

OK, so cooking is sorted, that's good :). What are your parents and brother like? Are they high maintenance or normal?

Memoo, I feel exactly the same as you.

My Mother is a hard work sometimes but my Dad and brother are fab. Part of me is actually looking forward to it and I'll probably be fine once the day is here, its just the run up that is so stressful and overwhelming. Feel like my head is going to explode I have that much to do. Its DS's birthday tomorrow too so thats adding to the load.

Memoo are you me?!

Memoo isn't a million miles away from Nemo.

I used to be very overweight, but you know, fat is just fat, it's just your bodies way of storing calories it isn't burning off - it isn't disgusting or horrible, it doesn't make you a shit person.

Same with having Shit Hair - I had that for a while last month as I Could Not Be Arsed - I also don't like strangers touching me so I have to grit my teeth to have a haircut. But again, it's just cosmetic and doesn't mean anything.

Memoo you are lovely. Fact. All the cosmetic stuff can and will be sorted - in the meantime don't let it get you down you super smashing star you!

Feel exactly the same! Could not hate myself any more than I already do. Aargh.

I have been various weights in my life, but when I have been heavy, I particularly hate how I can't dress for the weather. If you're hot you still have to keep that cardi on. If you're too cold, you can't fit leggings underneath your (already tight) jeans, so you end up freezing.

Also, when I am heavy I feel like any effort I make to look better (hair, make-up, decent clothes) is just trying to "gild a turd". In my (admittedly sick) mind, others will only look at me and think: "does she think that hairdo disguises the fact that she is a fat disgusting slob?".

Sorry I can't help.