Trying to make friends

[libby68]

Hello

I haven't posted here before but could do with some moral support/advice.

I had my dd in June 03 and went back to work in April 04. Whilst I was off I did the usual NCT things, felt a bit lonely at times, but generally ok.

I have just had another dd (June 05)and my first NCT group is only meeting monthly now due to work etc. Therefore I have been trying to get in with another group that have been together for couple of years - they all have toddlers same age as my 1st dd and I know some of them vaguely and a couple really well.

My problem is that I am trying to get in with this new gang (ther are about 12 of them) and it is really soul destroying. Whilst they are not unfriendly, neither are they overly friendly - I guess cos they are already a bonded group. I have to make ALL the effort when I see them at playgroups etc and feel like a bit of an idiot. Of course, I get a bit nervous and gabble on about stupid things and feel like I'm not coming across as my usual fairly confident self, and then of course worry that they're thinking I am a bit of a saddo for latching on to them & talking rubbish!!

It sounds really pathetic and makes me feel like I am back at school, but its really getting me down. I bawled my eyes out on the way back from playgroup this morning cos nobody spoke to me and I am sick of making all the effort. Why are people not welcoming - I'd have thought they'd welcome "new blood"?!! Its so awful feeling like the outsider all the time. I am probably not going back to work so am keen to try and make this work.

I am a bit reluctant to talk to the 2 girls that I know very well in the group in case a) they lose respect for me and/or b)feel they have to look after me!!

Anyone experienced this before - any wise words? I have started a new NCT group with for new baby which is going ok.

Thanks
xx

I think its one of the hardest things to have to start making new friends when yo have a baby especially when you have worked and groups have already bonded. However my advice is to perservere with the groups you go to and start going to new m&b groups - just keep trying eventually you will not feel such an outsider plus i think alot of people are in the same boat.

Libby

They sound like a load of cows! I hate that feeling where you feel like your back at school.There is something wrong with somebody if they are in a group and they see someone on the edge of it and dont make an effort to help that person ease in.

Be yourself and just start chatting.If they dont make an effort dont bother again,thats just soul destroying.

Is there anyone at work with small children you can hook up with or have you tried another toddler group? I awlays take sweets with me and offer them around,it usually breaks the ice.

xx

Libby

They sound like a load of cows! I hate that feeling where you feel like your back at school.There is something wrong with somebody if they are in a group and they see someone on the edge of it and dont make an effort to help that person ease in.

Be yourself and just start chatting.If they dont make an effort dont bother again,thats just soul destroying.

Is there anyone at work with small children you can hook up with or have you tried another toddler group? I awlays take sweets with me and offer them around,it usually breaks the ice.

xx

Maybe I?m being a bit naïve but why do you want to be part of this ?gang? as you put it? If they aren?t that welcoming why not go somewhere else, like tumble tots or those music class thingies they have for wee tots. There seems to be loads and loads for mums and tots to do. Also why not start a thread on mumnet for mums in your area, and arrange a meet up.

If these ladies are upsetting you so much that you cry, intentionally or unintentionally, then I don?t think they deserve your friendship.

You sound too lovely a person to be treated like that.

I think it takes guts to persevere with these groups when people arn't exactly falling over themselves to make you feel welcome - they are probably all worried in case you run off with their friends - sad or what?! You are doing really well and starting your own group is great. Just take it easy on yourself and relax a bit. Maybe because your getting a bit stressed about this you're coming across as a bit desperate or maybe they're just a bunch of cows as CP says!

I am going to say on the netmums site if you go to your area you can go to a meet a mum section - its sounds a bit sad but its a good way of finding some one else in the same boat and you can go to stuff together