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[Servalan]

I'm so tired and feeling at the end of my tether. I've had OCD for the last 20 years. Sometimes I can manage it, sometimes I can't.

I had a miscarriage in September. From the point that I got pregnant over the summer I started feeling totally worn out and my housework kind of went to shit.

When I get OCD ideas into my head, instead of dealing with the thing I'm worried about, I'll often leave it, making the problem worse. Therefore there is much about my house that is not particularly acceptable.

I have convinced myself that DD's coat is contaminated with harmful germs. As is the washing machine and dryer. As are a load of DD's clothes. I'll number the things I'm getting in a state over to make it easier to follow.

(1)
DD had a sickness bug over the weekend. She was very sick all over her coat and clothes and the car. DH put all the things that DD had been sick on into the washing machine. He put in detergent (non bio) + 2 spoonfuls of napisan. He put a car floor mat that DD had been sick on into the wash with DD's coat and other clothes etc. When I found out that he'd washed the clothes with the floor mat, I washed them again before hanging them up.

Later that day, I discovered that DH had turned the heat down on the machine to 30 degrees, so now I'm panicking about whether the sickness bug germs will have been killed and if the germs of the car mat will have been killed by the Napisan if the things were only washed at 30 degrees. It does say on the Napisan box that it kills germs at 30 degrees - but now I'm asking myself if that's just some germs or all germs.

(2)DD has a top that was soaking wet (with water). I'm not sure when it happened. It could have been weeks ago. It's been wet on the side of the bath with some wet flannels for quite a while and smelt pretty musty though it didn't look mouldy. DH put it in the laundry basket after it had been languishing for a while. I put 2 spoonfuls of napisan in the washing machine with the detergent and ran a wash at 60 degrees, but am now worrying about what germs might have collected on the top in all the time it was wet and I'm wondering if I contaminated everything in the machine, even if I washed at 60 degrees.

(3) This is really disgusting and I'm pretty ashamed. I found a bag with some garments in that DD had had toilet accidents in (including poo). Not sure how long ago the clothes got soiled - they may have been there for a few weeks because everything is messy, my laundry has got backed up and I forgot they were there . They were in the downstairs toilet room waiting to be napisaned and I must have forgotten them. On finding them on Saturday, I soaked them in a napisan solution for a day. Then I wrung them out the next day and soaked them for another day in fresh napisan. I then put them in the wash at 60 degrees with more napisan. Then I rang a 30 degree cycle to make sure the napisan was rinsed out. Should I have killed the germs by doing this, or have I just contaminated my washing machine with harmful germs?

I'm in a total state. I'm scared to let DD wear her coat because of any sickness and car-mat germs. Also, I'm scared to wash it again in case I contaminate it with further germs from the wet top and pooey clothes incident. I don't know if I've done enough to make sure everything is OK :(

So sorry to hear about this, it sounds as though it is really getting you down. I have no experience of OCD so I can't really help with that but just a couple of practical thoughts:

I think that washing your DD's coat at 30C with Napisan will be ok. There'll be no risk to your DD from the coat, it's clean.

Ditto the top and the pooey clothes. You've done more than enough to clean them all, as I think you know, deep down.

Would it help your feelings on this do you think if you cleaned your washing machine? You can get a cleaner from Boots you run through on a top temp programme (whatever your hottest is-pref 95C). Our service man told us to do this from time to time just to keep the washing machine running properly but it could help your peace of mind.

If the laundry is really backed up could you consider/afford to send some out to a local laundry just to clear the backlog? I suspect the sense of having this great burden of laundry and not getting it done is feeding the anxiety.It is really worth a big push just be rid of it. Either you and DH just blitz it over a weekend with wash after wash to get it cleared (DH and I do this) or send it out, especially the bed linen and towels. They will be washed hot and steam-pressed so you can be sure they will come back really hygenically clean.

Do be kind to yourself-you really haven't had a lot of time to process your feelings about the MC so it's not surprising you are finding things difficult.