i want it all to end

[beverleyrhyl]

where do i start. im 30 and ive never been happy. never. never fitted in. never liked myself. never not felt anxious. been on antidepressants on and off for about 8 years. different pills. things might get a little better. but not for long. dfferent pills. little better. then bang. back down down down. everything is shite in my life. i hate it all. even being a parent. ive usually managed to soldier on wth this aspect but its getting worse. cant even be assed with xmas ths year. nothings ever gonna change. ever. i feel desperate

Hey sorry you feel like this. Did anything in particular trigger it? Christmas approaching?

How old are your dc(s)?

i feel like it allllll the time

ive jus got to the pont i dont wanna pretent otherwise

my sons nearly 5

Have you had any counselling at all? Does your GP know how bad you feel? And your DP/DH if there is one?

im a single mom
and ive had some counselling but i always end up back where i started

It's hard being a single mum - a few of my friends are and I do admire them. One had a child with chicken pox and one sick last night - I don't know HOW she kept it together.

So who does know how you are feeling?

Hi beverleyrhyl, just want to say I really feel for you - you feel like I so often do. I thought I was the only one feeling rubbish at the moment and not looking forward to xmas.

Right now I'm just getting through each day in chunks of time - have got thro morning, now jsu tthe afternoon to go to 5, then I will say to myself I will get thru evening. Maybe this can help you too.

thanks twowheels but i dunno
im barely noticing the passng of time anymore
it feels like one long nightmare

Beverley scuseme to be so blunt but are you thinking about ending it?

If so for your child's sake can you pick up the phone and call someone? Samaritans are very good.

i dont know
i cant carry on this way

I read your OP and was nodding all the way through. I am so sorry you feel so crap. Your son needs you and you need to get better for him and yourself. I suggest you go to your GP tomorrow and ask for more help. Tell them how desperate you feel.

I have been where you are though I have a DH and more children, but now I am doing much much better.

Believe youw ill get better and that you deserve too.

Good luck.

beverly is there anyone (mum, sister, ex) who would be able to take your ds for a bit to give you some time off? Do you have anyone around who would support you?