having a bad week

[Spoo]

I know many will think I have it good but I am feeling a bit overwelmed lately. Last week I found out I was pregnant, which was not planned. I have a 7.5 mnth old DS and a great DH. I am due back at work next week and am feeling a bit low about that. As a final maternity leave treat we were meant to go to Spain on Saturday for four days coming back nice and relaxed and ready to face the world all over again. Unfortunately my DH fell ill last week and ended up in A and E on Friday night and staying in hospital for two nights hence we were not able to go on holiday. We were away at my mums at the time and I struggled to juggle looking after DS and visiting DH.

We are now back home and my MIL has come 'to help' till THursday. She has just informed me they are coming back on Saturday until Tuesday - I start work in Wednesday. She can be very demanding telling me how to look after my DS and telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing around the house. DH might need an operation depending on test results from later this week.

I feel under so much pressure at the moment and just want it to be my DH and DS and me relaxing before I go back to work not all this stuff going on. On top of all that my mum has informed me that a very dear aunt of mine is severely unwell and unlikley to survive the next week. As we are Jewish it is very likely that the funeral will happen quite quickly, and this will be down in London.

My DH who is a rock is saying that I am blowing things out of proportion and sometimes things don't go our way, BUT why all this now. I am struggling to see how I will get through the next few days and be mentally fit enough to go to work. I just don't know who to talk to.

THanks for listening.

oh spoo so sorry you're having a bad time

would it be at all possible to delay going back to work? if you don't want your MIL to stay then TELL her... it's important right now that you do things your way

I don't think you're blowing it out of proportion...

Thanks Star. I cannot really ask my MIL not to come as she will be staying at my BIL who lives down the road - nevertheless she will be over every as my BIL is fairly useless at looking after people e.g. meals etc. She will also want to see DS.

I have thought about taking some holiday before I go back and delaying my start date, but I was hoping to save it. I think you are right though I might be better starting a week later esp. if DH goes into hospital for op and things happen with my my Great aunt.

Dh just doesn't seem to understand that all this is getting on top of me and says that I am selfish not wanting his mum around. He says I am denying that I am pregnant and trying to do too much and I should let others help. I know he is right but I am finding hard to relax at the moment.

ahh well at least she won't be staying with you!
I definitely think you;d benefit from starting work later... if you talk to them do you think it would be possible to get some compassionate leave rather than using holiday?

men don't seem to "get" these things do they? it sounds like you need a bit of time to come to terms with it all

Ahhh the voise of reason. My boss is coming to see me on Friday and I should have a better idea of what is going on. I just think they are going to think I am taking the P^** and within weeks of going back I am going to have to tell them I am pregnant AGAIN. Just want everything to be back to normal again. (and for my hormones to calm down.)

What is normal anyway?

who knows! i do know how horrible it feels when so much is happening and you feel like you're drowning and you can't cope with any of it

sometimes it helps to make a list of each "problem" and then write what you can do to help it or solve it

for example you missed your break to spain, but once your dh is better you can plan another break (something to look forward to!)

work-wise you already have your plan... talking to your boss (will you tell her about being pregnant then?) and sorting out when you will go back... is she quite understanding?

MIL.... well... unfortunately that's a case of grin and bear it! But you may be able to get her to have ds for an afternoon so you can go and have a relaxing coffee with a friend!

you sound like me actually, i get VERY upset when things don't work out like i imagined they were going to.
I cried and cried when i gave up breastfeeding, not because i thought ds needed it but because i had WANTED to do it!

o spoo, what a bummer of a week . Apart from your suprise pregnancy though ! Total cliche, but it never rains..... These testing times can be really difficult, and I know I would be feeling just the same as you. Can you call your Mum for a good chat and a moan?

How's your DH doing now? Hope he's feeling a bit better. I guess that now is the time where you have to be the strong one, and hold it all together for a while for the sake of the family - I remember when DH lost his job, DS still small, and it was really hard for me to try and be the positive one and not show how worried/tired/stressed I was about it. I think life sometimes does deal out bad hands, but you just have to hold on to the fact that these times will pass, and things will get better, maybe next week, maybe next month, but it will all move on.

Think it is always tough to go back to work too, on top of all this - are you confident/happy about childcare for DS? I left DS with a childminder when I did a course, and it really got to me for weeks before he started. Worked myself up, and then after a week I was feeling a lot more comfortable about it all, and although it still wasn't fun to leave him, it does get easier.

I think you really need to talk to MIL, or perhaps DH can? It maybe better if he explains how you are feeling right now, and perhaps she can back off a bit. Maybe she could come when you are back at work to be with DH instead?

You really have got a lot on your plate though, and it is totally normal to feel like you do, esp with pregnancy hormones all over the place!

Sorry to hear about your aunt .

x x

Star - that is me exactly - I cannot cope with any levels of disappointment. My boss is a 55 year old bloke - so may not be as understanding as most although he likes to think he is my dad. I don't think I can tell him about being pregnant yet, although I was thinking about it in order to make sure things weren't too stressful when I get back. I think I will have to grin and bear MIL (as always).

Choc Queen - thanks for your support - you are right this WILL pass and I will look back and wonder on all the fuss. I can't really moan at my mum because she loves having ammo about the in laws and then I feel disloyal - stupid isn't it?

DH is okay - they think he has a kidney stone but it doesn't seem to be moving and that is why they might have to operate.

Your right I have to try and bite my tongue and be the stronger one. Off to find DH now and talk things through.

Thanks girls for your support - great to have you here.
Spoo
xxx

awww well i hope it all turns out ok
you can always ring your mum for a moan but leave out the MIL bit!

Nighty night. Hope you sleep ok, you never know - things may seem better in the morning!

x