Please help me cope ..I have never wanted to die before

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I have had Panic attacks for the last 20 yrs - and usually i can cope with them. For the last 2 nights I was to die ..I have never thought about wanting to die before ...I really cant cope...can someone help me please

Do let gp know what is going on, how bad it got so you get the help .... take care x

Thank you all for your kind words

How are you feeling this evening Went? Are you going to book an appointment tomorrow?
I'm on day seven of anti-depressants and am feeling a bit better already. I also take beta-blockers for anxiety. Hope you're ok.

Poor you. I know how awful and terrifying panic attacks can be. But please believe you can recover. These attacks will not kill you.

The following helped me to eliminate panic attacks from my life for good:

i) breathing exercises
ii) cutting out caffeine and nicotine completely
iii) group therapy - incredibly liberating to know that you're not alone and to have phone buddies you can call when in the throes of an attack
vi) mantras - incredulous as it sounds, i relied on timestables recitations (this only works if you know your timestables well! Try girls' names beginning with A through to Z, by M you'll be feeling calmer)
vii) i can't remember now if i took the anti-depressants - that part of my life is a bit of a blur, but I did drink lots of celestrial seasons' tension tamer tea - it works!

Agree with those who have recommended the Samaritans. Put the number in your mobile phone. It's very hard to keep panicking when somebody is talking very calmly to you. If you don't feel safe with the person who picks up, or they seem inexperienced, put the phone down and dial again and somebody from another branch will pick up. Do this until you find a voice you can trust and they will help you calm down (i found a more mature voice would have a more calming effect for me than an obviously younger volunteer). Don't worry about offending them: they will recognise many callers experience this voice instinct.

You will get better. Good luck. Keep us posted.

They finally went away on Sunday afternoon - although I am still very anxious and dont want to leave the house (or be in it alone) . I have a very understanding boss (and partner) who took my son to school for me while I went to work for an hour! (I dont like driving in traffic) ...I am left with this almost over whelming disappointment in myself - because I am a nutter...and I hate it. I only managed work for an hour but it was really important for me to go because then i know that i can ....if i left it longer I would never go back. I have the doctors today at 10.45 - I will ask for CBT again (not had it in 9 yrs) and I am still undecided about medication ....the idea of medication freaks me out - firstly because I really will be a nutter (admitting to it) and secondly I dont like idea of tablets ....i think it might give me more attacks.

I havent had a ciggy (or a drink) since Sat

Thank you all again

You are a strong lady so determined to get yourself to work.

How did your appointment go?

Well, and if taking meds makes you a nutter then all I can say is welcome to the world of nutters, not as bad here as you might think!!

(I'm 'only' on St Johnswort, dh is on a low dose of Citalopram which has done miracles for his anxiety, and many of us on here take meds to help us recover)

Glad youve got some real life help with your boss and partner.

please dont put so much pressure on yourself. You keep saying what you 'should' be doing in your posts. You have done amazingly well to cope with this for the last 20 years - now you just need a bit of extra help with it. You havent failed in anyway.

Hope today is a bit easier x

Hi
The appointment went well - bless her ...a new Doctor. She is referring me back for CBT. We discussed meds (I do know that I am not mad and I am sorry for making such a flippant remark suggesting others are mad) - however I am not ready to take them yet. MADMOUSE where do you get St Johnwort from? do they help you and how much do you take? ...how many MG's is a low dose of Citalopram?? maybe a low dose is the way to go (i am going back on Monday to discuss) I am scared the meds will make me worse.

The Doctor kindly didnt sign me off work fully - she has signed me one of them new fandangle ones where I can be phased back to work over the next week weeks....I will go to work if I can - and knowing that I can leave if I needed to is a nice feeling. She 'tested' me for anxiety and depression (two different tick chart thing) I am moderately anxious and not depressed.

Lastly I have spoken with one of the mums at school (god knows what she thought !! but she was the one person who I thought might understand) she has agreed to collect my son and drop him home for me (this is a BIG inconvenance for her as I live about a 15 minutes drive from the school) but just knowing that I can freak out and still have someone to collect him is a massive weight off my shoulders....and because I have that if i need it - i think i will be able to get him.

Thank you all for your words they have really helped me over the last few days and if you dont mind i would like to continue to post.

That sounds like a great appointment well done!

St Johnswort does help for depression but not for anxiety - I started taking it when the worst of my PTSD was over and my adrenaline levels came down - I shot too far the other way. You can get it from health shops or (like me) even from Tesco own brand.

DH is on 10mg citalopram which is generally seen as too low but it has really helped him.

Citalopram like most modern anti depressants (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) also work against anxiety, in a different way than they work against depression, so a SSRI can be an appropriate treatment for anxiety even if you are not depressed.

I don't think your comment about nutters was flippant, you spoke from your own situation. I just wanted to say hey meds have their place and can really help.

and yes do keep posting

Good day today. Stayed at work all day. Still not smoking and I have cut out the caffeine.

Glad you had a good day

But remember to post the bad stuff too x