Just snapped at my depressed mum

[ditavonteesed]

Not on purpose but I know she will she it as that, feeliung guilty and want to phone her back but will probably make th8ings worse.
She has been depressed for a couple of years but the last 6 months have been the worst and she has stopped doing anything that she enjoys and takes all day to get up and get going, anyway she is seeing a counsellor but waiting for a referral to cbt, I had cbt earlier in the year and found it absolutly invaluable. Her councellor has told her that she has jiust stopped getting better, thinks cbt will be great for her as she needs something else. Have told her many times about mood gym while she is waiting for appointment. She refuses to even look at it, telling me that she hasn't got the energy to do it, she now doesn't know about doing cbt as she will be expecvted to do stuff. I asked her what the alternative is and she said I will wait till I get better, so I told her that she isn't going to just get better and nobody else is going to be able to make her better she has to do it herself. she is expecting the councellor or the doctor or somebody else to make her better. she always complains that she has nothing to do b ut anything I suggest she says she cant be bothered and why should she etc.

I know how hard this is for her and I am trying my hardest to support her, but how can I get my point across to her without her thin king that I am having a go at her, I understand depression and I understand that during these periods everything revolves around her, I understand that in her mind if anything is wrong it is her fault etc.
I am starting to find this whole situation very hard, I want to help mum, I need to shelter my dc from what is going on and I need more than anything not to get depressed myself (have just come off ad's and come out of cbt as I am ok).
Sorry dont really know the purpose of this post just wanted to get it out.

thanks I am just so scared of upsetting her, I never tell her anything that is going on here anymore as I mentioned in the 6 weeks hols that I was tired and she was upset for days as she thought she should have been taking the dc to give me a break, I explained I was just chatting, so since then I just dont tell her stuff. I miss having her to chat to tbh.

My dad is with her all the time, but he is not the most tolerant person altough he seems to be coping ok. my brother has a lot of experience of depression with his wife and MIL and seems to just think she will just get better. she wont let us help with anything and still wants to hep us out iyswim, they are haviung the dc for tea this afternoon because she likes to see them, I woory that she shouldn't really have the kids as they can be a bit full on but she insists it is fine. she used o be a very keen gardeneer and had her garden open and in the yellow book, now she just cant be bothered with it.

She is managing to go out at night, she does dancing and they still go to that and to the theatre with friends often but she wont go out for a walk or do anything in the day. I suggested she just go out for a walk everyday biut she always has a reason that she cant. She is not doing xmas but then is stressing about the fact that I am as she doesnt want to cause any problems for other people.

As someone with a Dh with serious depression (although getting better) and coming out of PTSD myself I just want to say cut yourself some slack.

To be close to someone with depression makes you worried, tired, exasperated at times. it is draining and sometimes whatever you do is not enough and you feel helpless.

Snapping is allowed and your mum has to accept that and make allowances for it. That is her responsibility.

Don't beat yourself up.

well mum hjas just dropped the kids off and I did upset her. the trick I haven't yet learnt is to not let that fact upset me.

oh and she told me off because the kids didnt have vests on.

Well first YOU will get down about it there is no doubt that anyone who deals with a close relative who has a mental illness is going to be feeling guilty. I also know and have been there my self many times for getting angry at them for not listening to me when your trying to help if your fine your slef you sometimes cant see or know how to approach it. And even when you are depressed your self you still have to have the strengh to deal with this other person and push your own problems to one side. Its bound to build up at some point. My dad is schizophrenic its been 15yrs and I have snapped at him before now as your trying to help and they dont want to know. I was depressed my self at certain times in the 15yrs and had to hide that away from him trying to turn up with a smile and pretend everything is ok. So at some point you will snap. If you dont your not normal! The other things is and you have prob had this done I was the same as your mum and went to the docs had blood tests done I had an underactive thyroid. Has your mum been checked for this? I would say get a blood test done if she has not already. It makes you depressed and low and no movtivation also very cold there is a whole list of problems this can cause tis often looked over. I have had noraml depression as well where nothing else is to blame all you can do is ride it out you cant MAKE her do things she does not want to and its frustrating! I hope she is feeling better soon.