Postnatal depression

[WorrisomeHeart]

Hi all

I had my son 20 days ago, and we had a really hard time of it at the birth and ended up in hospital for 6 days. The first week home I felt ok, almost euphoric but since then all has fallen apart. Wasn't sleeping or eating, and just felt so anxious and weeping all the time. Went to docs after seeing m/w and he prescribed sleeping tablets for a couple of nights to get sleep back on track. Am going back tomorrow to discuss way forward - possible short course of anti-depressants. I just feel so hopeless and low. I so want to be able to enjoy my baby and to feel love for him but at the moment I just feel numb and resent him for just being a baby. I find myself wishing we'd never had him, which upsets me so much. DH is being brilliant and family is rallying round, I just wondered if anyone could reassure me that these feelings will go away?? I just want to crawl into a corner and hide from the world.

Hi I'm going through exactly the same thing at the moment, the best thing to do is get help tell your family and friends so they can help out. See your doctor and they'll pescribe the best thing for you, most likely they'll pescribe you Citlopram, make sure you have help at home because the first few days makes your mood go up and down until you're body gets used to it.
I've been on these for a few days and although the dose is really small I've been able to connect more with my daughter, I really had to force myself to start though (just keep that in mind), unfortunatley the more your body gets used to it the larger the dose has to be but soon you won't need them at all. I still get down and as you say resent her for just being her but I'm telling you it does go away and you'll forget you ever felt like that. :)

Thanks Bex, this is so hard. DH is being amazing and taking on the night feeds so I can sleep, I just want to feel something for my baby again. Am sobbing writing this as it upsets me so much that this is how it happened.

My Dp did the same thing, and it made me feel more guilty and so made me descend into a depression more. I think the best thing is to gradually force yourself to help, like when he gets up to do the nightfeed get up with him and just sit with him, then next time maybe help change the nappy like passing things to him, then change the nappy, and so on. Holding the baby after he's had his feed as well cos the crying is probably stressing you out a bit and after their feed is when they're most calm. Just little things for now, don't lunge into action woman mode. Also maybe do something for yourself like go and get a haircut or manicure just to give yourself a treat and make you feel like you again. Try to book and appointment with your doctor for today and tell them how you're feeling their not going to judge you, it's a very common thing after a difficult birth.

I am doing much of the babycare - am home alone with him today for the first time which may be why it's all spilling over. I just want to be able to feel something other than that I have to take care of him - I want to feel that I want to take care of him, if that makes sense? Can't get a diff appt with doc, but DH is coming to the one I have booked tomorrow. The doc has been v good so far and understanding. I just want this to all be over.

Can't write much but just wanted to say that i completely understand how you feel and what you're going through. I felt terribly disconnected from my child when he was born. Felt like i was looking after him the way i would look after any baby and didn't feel bonded with him at all. I became obsessed with the idea that i didn't love him. All that matters at the moment is that you are looking after him. This will pass and you will feel better. You love your baby more than you know x x

Just want to offer a hug and let you know that these feelings will go, and also to let you know that you're not the only one that has felt this way so please don't feel guilty about not enjoying your baby and resenting him.

I had a EMCS and real difficulties breastfeeding among other things (the first 2 months were a whirlwind of hospitaland clinic appointments for her) - I felt disconnected from her and realised that I was having real trouble bonding with her, which in turn just made me feel much worse. I'd sit and cry and feel such a mixture of emotions - disappointment at having a EMCS and upset because I hated the stay in hospital after, guilty because I was contemplating giving up BFing, guilty because I was feeling so unhappy and surely I should have been happy because I had a new baby, feeling like a failure because we were really struggling with BFing, etc etc. I'd look at my daughter and cry because I just didn't know what to do with her, and I didn't 'enjoy' her at all. I broke down at her 8 week check, which surprised the doctor and health visitor - people thought I'd been coping so well and taking it all in my stride - in some ways I was because I had to just get on with it, but also I never told anyone because, well, aren't we all supposed to be so so happy when we have a baby?

Things changed for me after this and also because it was around this time that some of our problems were resolved (we cut back BFing and some of her health issues were resolved). It took a wee bit of time for me to start enjoying her, and now (she's 3.5 months) I just love her to bits.

I knew that having a baby would be hard, I just wish people had said how hard it can be.

Talking about it is the first step I think to overcoming it (and you know, writing this post has been therapeutic for me), so even the fact that you've posted on here is recognising that something isn't right and the first step to recovery. I really hope your doctor appointment goes well.

You won't feel this way forever, you will feel better x

Thanks all. Doc has now put me on course of anti-d's and hopefully my mood will begin to lift soon. I'm just so tired of it all, I just want to walk out the door and disappear but I know I have to stay for the baby and DH's sake - and then that makes me resent them. The nights are the worst, mostly because sleep is still hard, but I hope that once my mood is better I will find it easier to sleep. Everything looks so grim at night, doesn't it?

Lack of sleep, which unfortunately comes with the territory of a new baby, definitely doesn't help! Sheer physical and mental exhaustion does not make it easy at all!!!

Glad that you got some Anti-Deps - I'm sure things will get better for you soon. Keep talking to the Doc and your DH if things don't get better though, and hang in there.

Can your DH or family help in any way (giving a bottle of EBM / formula) for a feed at night to help you get some rest? If you don't want to give a bottle, perhaps he can look after the baby while you have a nice bubble bath or something (with the radio on so you can't hear baby crying, which doesn't help you relax!). Can your DH and family look after all the housework and make you quick meals etc? I found that I was also getting anxious and resentful because I barely had time to eat/shower or do anything for myself. DH was supportive but not always around - it would have been nice if people had volunteered to do simple things like hoover and do the (never ending) laundry so I could spare the few minutes I had to myself trying to unwind.

take care xx

We're bottle feeding (b/feeding has been a nightmare and possibly one of the triggers for this) and DH has been amazing and doing most of the night feeds. I just don't have the motivation to do anything which I think is the worst thing, I then feel so guilty as I have to look after the baby and I just don't want to.

teh anti-d's will help in time but you're gonna feel funny for the next few days, as i say what helped me was just forcing myslef to look after the baby as much as possible. Talk to your son, or read a book out loud if you dont feel comfortable, remember try and take some time ou for yourself.