Feel so sad.

[FlameGrilledMama]

I can't help it I just feel so sad and worthless. I have no interest in doing anything. What the hell is wrong me? I had a emergency pych referral last month after having a mixed episode, both happy and sad and was told by two pychiatrists that they have strong suspiscions that I have bipolar (this was when I was normal).

I was given two options immidiate admittance (not a option no one to care for my children)or as a out patient and I would have up to two months wait. As I felt fine I went home to await appointment and I felt relatively fine my partner was given a number to have me sectioned if I displayed any symptoms as I would not come willinglg. But for about 3 days my mood has been slipping and I have a bad stomach and I just wanna sleep. I am feeling scared now I tried to commit suicide on one of my major depressions and while I am not there yet I feel like I am falling and there is nothing I can do.

I also used to self harm by stubbing cigarettes out on my skin cutting, ripping my pubes out, and using a nail brush to mutilate my genitals till the skin was raw and bleeding when I was 15 (which is when I had a failed suicide attempt) and diagnosed with PTSD which they now think was part of being bipolar.

I feel so scared and alone, when will my appointment come? why is it taking so long? No one ever takes my concerns serious till it is too late I tried to tell my mum and to show her what I had done to my body when I was 15 and she didn't listen and that is why I tried to kill myself I don't feel suicidal yet but I really wish my appointment would come through I just want to stop feeling like this.

I'm sorry I don't have much advise. But I jsut wanted to let you know someone was listening.

I do hink you need to talk to someone on RL about this though. Have you tried the Samaritans?

Could you get your partner to phone to get you an out of hours dr's appointment tonight, as they can refer you immediately for crisis team who could support you at home and maybe chase up your appointment?

I have spoke to crisis that was who I spoke to last time they got me referred but I took my mum played it down the same as she did when I was 15 she seems to deny that anything is wrong.

That is why I have only a 2 month wait and not the two year wait we have here usually and I don't want to be admitted which is what they will do. I told my partner how I feel though which is new for me I usually pull away and hide, but he guessed I guess he has been watching for signs. Thank you for listening, I only have a max of 4 weeks now

Please don't let it slide any further without getting some help. If you can'trust yourself to wait the 4 weeks - which can feel like an eternity when you feel that low, please get in touch with The Samartans, your GP who can refer you more quickly than this if it's an emergency, or MIND.

And keep talking to your partner. Don't bottle it up.

Good luck

Thank you I have been talking to my partner and we have been charting so I have agreed if my mood goes down a another number(We do 0-10 1 being the point where I am so low I can start self harming and 0 is full blown depressed and 9 is overly euphoric to the point I cant function and 10 is hallucinating) I am currently at a 2 so not dangerous but if I start feeling like mood drops below that we will get me re-assesed. He has taken the day off today so he can support me [smile.]

I also understand that with mental illness a month can be a very long time. Can I really go to MIND though? I thought this was only for people who are diagnosed?

Hey Mama just checking in to see how you are feeling? I think you have DP with you today :)

And yes, I am sure you will get support from MIND regardless of your diagnosis (or lak of)

MIND

Hi, even though Crisis did the assessment your gp can refer you to them for support for a few days (they don't do long term support) by visiting you or phoning you ... not admitting you (unless you ask to be admitted and even then they will not necessarily do that).

Hi I am still feeling 2 but that is good as it is a stable 2 IYKWIM however my mother works in MIND office so she is trying to arrange a apointment for me to speak with one of the councillors thanks for your support and advice it is very much appreciated.

Good to hear you have that stable 2 and the opportunity of a Mind councillor ahead.

Thank you

keep talking to your partner he sounds like a good one, stable 2 is good xx

Thanks MissTired