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Mental health

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Original poster

What on earth is wrong with me?

19 replies

AmILosingIt · 19/09/2005 16:27

I am a regular poster, but have changed my name for this.

Over the last few weeks I have had the feeling that I am losing it.

I am on anti'ds, the strongest dose I can be given on this brand, I have got a few friends going through tough times at the minute and they are leaning on me, my mil is seriously ill, I have a very wilful, obnoxious daughter at the minute, we fight every minute of the day. Also, I am not in very good health at the minute and I am waiting for a hospital appointment & dh is waiting for a back operation.

For the first time in months, maybe years, I had the house to myself whilst dh took dd's out (his sister had suggested it, he wouldn't do it off his own back) I was on my own from 11 till 4 and instead of chilling, having a bath listening to music etc, I went back to bed, so wasted it really.

I am starting to enjoy a drink more than I should, this week for the first time, I have been drinking brandy, which I never usually drink, though I am fine if I don't have anything to drink and don't crave any or anything.

I just don't know what to do or where to turn, my head feels as though it is turning to mush and I forgetting even the simplest of things, silly things as 'did I feed the cats today', did I lock the door'etc and can't settle until i've checked.

OP posts:

staceym11 · 19/09/2005 16:38

i know what it feels like, i was severly depressed for a number of years, i am better now so there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

for one i did the drinking, and it makes nothing better, it counteracts the anti-depressants and makes you feel worse, you need to talk to your doctor and get him to refer you for some councilling, talking about things generally makes them a whole lot better. it will also get you away from dh and dd's for a little while just to be you.

as for the forgetfulness its to do with the depression, i had bad short term memory loss when i was depressed but that comes back as you feel better in yourself, now im jsut plain forgetful from having the baby!" lol

Original poster

AmILosingIt · 19/09/2005 16:40

I have been for councilling and was struck off after a while becuase 'I know what is wrong with me, and what I need to do, so there was no use wasting their time and mine.

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staceym11 · 19/09/2005 16:44

get referred somewhere else, that is a stupid thing to say, i knew what was wrong with me but it takes time to work through, may i ask what is wrong, i mean it could be completely dif. tell me to mind my own buisness if you want, i wont be offended, will be back in a min gotta get baby up!

Original poster

AmILosingIt · 19/09/2005 16:46

I have had a history of depression since i was 19, then got post natal depression with both children, the youngest being 3 1/2.

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ScrewballMuppet · 19/09/2005 16:47

Your not loosing it your stressed!! Forgeting things is part of that as your mind when stressed is said to be so full of other things rather than than remembering details or things that you do as second nature such as feed the cats.
Had PND some time ago and took ads, they gave me the highest dosage but it made things worse for than me than helped until they dropped the dosage after speaking to them. Would reccommend speaking to gp to make sure you weren't having any unwanted side affects to the tablets. Don't be too harsh on yourself give yourself a break with a handful of a daughter and seriously ill mil your naturally bound to feel this way, your human.

You need to speak to your friends as friendship is a two way thing. lean on each other rathe than them just leaning on you. Tell them how your feeling but let them know that you still want to be there for them but that you also need support yourself. Life can be tough enough without going through hard times alone...so don't speak to them.

Hope things get better for you soon!!

staceym11 · 19/09/2005 16:50

i was depressed from 12-18, i had to have private hypnotherapy to get over my problems, im still 18 but can cope now, you need somebody out of the equation to talk things over with and work through your feelings,if doc thinks you wasting resources explain what an impact it is having on your life and your childrens lives and you need help!

berolina · 19/09/2005 16:56

With all you are going through, it's little wonder you feel as you do. It does sound like you need someone to be there for YOU instead of always the other way round.
Maybe the ads are the wrong ones for you.
The forgetting sounds normal under the stress, but take it as a warning you desperately need a break (longer than 5 hrs if poss!). You may need to be careful this doesn't turn into a compulsion.
How old is your daughter?
I think your ist port of call should be your GP, to discuss the ads. Thn, your dh. Let him know how much you need him to take some pressure off you. He really should be pulling his weight. Then, your friends. Tell them you are there for them but are having a hard time yourself at the moment and may need to somewhat reduce your support time-wise.
Easier said than done... but you are only human, just like your friends, your mil and your dd!

berolina · 19/09/2005 16:57

first port of call

Fio2 · 19/09/2005 17:03

I have/had got into this cycle and I weent to the Gp and had a chat about it. i wasnt taking Ads so he has prescribed me paroxetine (not a high dose i dont think) but I think after a nightmare last week they have finally kicked in. i am going to see a therapist tommorrow aswell.

have you seen a counsellor at all?

sorry for waffling about myself, i just wanted you to know that when you are depressed you DO feel like you are losing it. i have had trouble with drinking too much aswell and i realised it actually makes my nerves and depression worse. its ok for a bit, lifts you up but after a while it is awful

Fio2 · 19/09/2005 17:05

sorry just read you are seeing a counsellor, that wasnt very helpful was it? they are suppossed to give you goals and strategies to make you get back into things, not say of you know the answer. was this through your gp? could you not go back and asked to be reffered to someone else? i have had to go private as our waiting list is 6 months long

Fio2 · 19/09/2005 17:05

you have seen a counsellor I mean

staceym11 · 19/09/2005 17:06

i found peroxatine to be crap (no offence) was on seroxat for a long while which worked but then they decided that that increased suicide attempts/rates. so it could just be you on the wrong drug for you. the right one for me has been taken off the register i think lol, could only happen to me!

Fio2 · 19/09/2005 17:08

it seems to be working for me stacey. i am a bit concerned about the suicide thing though must admit

staceym11 · 19/09/2005 17:11

yeah well seroxat has been taken off the register, i had a baby and sorted myself out for her (she wasnt planned) but i knew if i kept doing what i was doing she'd be taken off me so i had to do it, and i got a brill dh, (sorry hijacked the thread.

i think a dif counciller is the best bet!

Original poster

AmILosingIt · 19/09/2005 18:22

I have thought that about trying to get a referral, but don't know if it would help as it may be part part of the same team that I get referred to. I must admit it was like a kick in the teeth when they said that I know what I should be doing and should put it into practice.

I have just about had enough for now, just had an argument with the eldest, she turned round and called me fat and hit her sister so I sent her to bed and her parting words were 'I'll get you back mummy for all this shit', she is 6 fgs, if I spoke to my dad like that my arse would still be stinging.

Dh can be quite unsupportive most of the time and doesn't really take any notice of depression as he has never dealt with it before until he met me, I told him I felt like throwing myself off a bridge and his reply was, 'you can do that, we couldnt' afford to bury you'

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Original poster

AmILosingIt · 19/09/2005 20:25

Anyone there?

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Fio2 · 19/09/2005 20:41

is everything ok?

Jenny1973 · 19/09/2005 21:33

AH I sypmpathise with you completely. I myself have suffered with depression, for good few years now. I had pnd also after both kids. I have been on & off anti d's for 7 yrs. Id love to come off them, but everytime I do I end up the same shortly afterwards,even when I've weened myself off them.
I also get very tired when depressed, my memory is terrible(worse than usually) My concentration can be nil....I think women can be like that in general with the pase of life,but its exaggarated when you are depressed.
I've been on prozac, cyprimil & now I'm on lustral which manage to keep me on an even keel,no ups no downs, just level.
Different anti D's affect everyone different. But Ive been taking Omega 3's fish oils & Evening Primrose for nearly a yr now & found to be alot better,once they kicked in.(which takes about 2 mnths).
My Dr told me that I could be on the tablets for the rest of my life,as sometimes its just down to hereditory(my mum suffers also).
My Dh does tell me that I take other peoples problems on board,which is right, but I've learnt by this, as couple of yrs ago it really got me down,worrying over other people.
You have to learn to be selfish & think of No1(ME ME ME)Lets admit it the world would be a shambles without us. Its even harder when your partner doesnt understand or support you, thats when you feel like your gonna flip-through frustration.
But on the other hand it cant be nice being on the receiving end of "us" when we are depressed. So thats another added worry to us,as we worry about how we are affecting them. It can be a vicious circle.
But having time on your own(without the kids) is a must & a longing feeling. Although you may feel like going to bed, I do to! Arrange with a friend to go out instead, & talk talk talk(without interuptions from kids).
Good luck honey-Thinking of you

Original poster

AmILosingIt · 20/09/2005 12:36

Woke up this morning full of cold and AF has appeared so i feel ill at the minute, my head feels as though it is full of cotton wool and that someone is hitting it with a baseball bat, I just want to go to bed, but can't breathe cos I'm so bunged up

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