I haven't felt normal or really happy since I had the DCs

[ForMashGetSmash]

Why? Is it normal to feel this way? I seem to be in a constant state of worry and anxiety...DC are 6 and 2.

I used to feel often filled with happiness and hope and good stuff like that. I feel worried all the time about the future...about schools...and the fact that we may have to move away for a while. I get stuff out of proportion a lot. I AM looking forwrd to Christmas and I can have a laugh with my mate or DH still...but where has who I was before gone?

Things should be good...DH and I have had a few rocky periods but we have got through them..nothing bad or awful...no affairs.

I just dont feel the same..I seem incapable of enjoying life as I once did.

After DD 1 was born I felt very bad...for a while, anxious and tearful and stressed. It went though and things got better...then I had DC 2 and since then I haven't been really happy...I love them of course and I love DH..but yesterday I had a feeling...a tiny, tiny glimpse of a feeling and it was a good one...but it was gone so fast and I recognised it as something I used to feel all the time. Proper, joy and happiness...proper hope for the future.

I feel like maybe the fact that I felt it briefly is a good sign...maybe I have been deppressed and its not been diagnosed and now its lifting?

I cope ok with everything though...I work and have had some success in my own business...so I can't be properly suffering from depression...but I do struggle badly with housework...and this feeling that it's not worth having any hope for my ambitions because the DCs must always ome first and I worry SO much about them...this is all a bit muddled...sorry...can anyone advise me?

I can sympathise with a lot of what you're saying and I think some of that is just normal parenthood stuff but it does sound as if might be something a bit more. Fears and anxiety are normal and I don't know that you ever truly relax after having DCs but there should be some joy and hope around and if there isn't it's probably a sign that things aren't as they should be.

I"m no expert and i"m sure someone will come along in a min who knows a bit more but I'd have thought it was worth having a chat with a GP and potentially asking to be referred to someone for a chat.

Thanks CNFT....I think I am scared of seeing the doctor incase they put menal health issues down on my record...what if somethinng happened in the future and it affected my custody of the DC?

Ha, you sound just like me. I've decided that I'd really benefit from some therapy because I just seem to feel either very upset or very angry or very anxious a lot of the time. I've taken ADs in the past and don't want to go back there (and for reasons that I won't bother to explain here it didn't go on my NHS notes). Anyway, not keen to go back on ADs but want to do something and I just can't decide whether to look for someone independent and pay or go to the GP and ask for a referral. I always worry about how many people see those notes but you know I do deep down feel that my concerns about that are unfounded. I think it is so common these days to go to the doctor about depression/anxiety etc

However if you're really concerned about that aspect, might you be able to afford to see someone independent of the GP? Find a registered therapist or something?

having depression or indeed most mental health problems will not affect your rights or care of your dc.Only if your gp or anyone treating you believs your children are at risk will they ever 'consider' putting anything on your health records but usually they dont do that unless significant concerns.
What you are describing is similar inparts to how I have been feeling, but mine is more stress than depression.You may well benefit from some talking therapies or perhaps doing something completely random and fun just for you! a new hobby or interest that involves new people and is totally separate from your family so you dont feel like a robot who is here for your dc and nothing else

I do have hobbies...but I suppose it could be to do with DH working away and having a bit too much on my plate.

I feel better already just having got it out! Thanks so much...

Sorry to hear this Mash.

It isn't unusual to feel anxious/ depressed/ worried about the DCs, but you don't have to put up with it, especially if it's disrupting your everyday routines.

Do you have friends you can talk to? What does DH say?

Just as a matter of interest, do your hobbies involve exercise? As physical exercise has a big correlation with mental health.

A lot of what you say resonates with me, and I don't consider myself to have depression. Having said that, my youngest is just 4, and the last 6 months or so, more than a glimmer of joy is seeping back into my brain.

I never expected to have DC and was totally unprepared mentally ( even though I had my first at 36... ), I don't cope brilliantly with stress, am not an especially laid back person. I guess I found the weight of responsibility just overwhelming and massively stressful. The older they get, the more I can feel myself exhaling.

No slattern...I am awfully sedentary...my job involves long hours alone too. I walk a lot as I cannot drive..DH is sympathetic...maybe I need to do some proper excersise.

Yes Taffeta....maybe it's just part and parcel...I mean when your DC are as youg ass ours are I suppose we're not exactly old hands are we? Maybe it gets easier...it is the esponsibilty as you say. I sometims envy those parents who are really laid back...wish I could be more like that!