Setraline, PND and breast feeding

[ladypop]

Just posting for a bit of support....
We have a beautiful 9 month old boy but I have been feeling flat, and rarely very happy, about being his mom since he was born.

He is great and I know I love him, he has been an easy baby and I have a good relatiionship with his Dad, I work part time (my own business which I enjoy)and generally I have nothing to feel miserable about!
Yet, I have been unable to get away from the flat and slightly numb feelings that I have towards him ever since he arrived.

I have been refered to see a counsilor through my GP which is due to start in 2 weeks. I discussed anti depressants with the mental health nurse a few weeks ago but have been reluctant to start taking them, mainly because I have good days as well as bad.

I am also still breast feeding him part of the time (2 feeds a day) and didn't think it ideal to take them whilst still doing this.

However, the past day or so I have felt very sad and have asked my gp for a prescription which I am going to pick up later. She has prescribed Setraline, which I have read, and she has said, is the drug of choice if I am still BF my baby.

I know I am doing all the right things to try and help myself, but am racked with guilt and sadness that I feel like this. I really want to feel more 'connected' and alive when I am with my son. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being with him but have lots of times when I really don't and wonder why I chose to become a mother.....that last statement makes me feel really sad!!

Hi ladypop first of all this is not your fault. PND is a real illness and it is not choosy about who it inflicts - I had it very severely and had no bad circumstances at all really - a loving DH, a happy home, a much wanted pregnancy.

Yet I still got really ill and was desperately down and unhappy, despite all my circumstances being positive.

I know several people who have b/fed whilst taking sertraline, I believe there is evidence to say that very little enters breast milk, and it's unlikely to affect your little one.

I found the ADs really helped "lift" me out of the gloom, I do understand your hesitation because like you, I didn't want to resort to drugs. However, they have your place, and if you believe it is an illness then you should also believe that you need treatment.

Tell yourself it is not forever, you will come off them again once you've been feeling much better for a while (min 6 months).

Sorry you've been feeling so low. There is a way through this you know. Of course you love your DS, it is not in question at all. I struggled to bond with my DD, and asked all those questions of myself like "what have I done?" "Am I cut out to be a mother?" Now that I am better I can see clearly that I was ill. I love being a mummy now, can laugh at things, am much more "balanced" in my outlook, and most of all I love my little girl more than anything.

Best of luck xx

Thanks very much for your reply, GetDownYouWillFall, it does give me some reasurance. I took my first tablet tonight so feel I am doing something ot help. I really do not want to go on feeling like this.

Worse still, I keep chatting to and meeting people who, through no fault of their own, make me feel worse by saying things like 'isn't motherhood the best job in world?' and 'ooh, I bet you miss him like crazy when you go away with work'....and i am left thinking, 'well, no not really'......what the bloody hell is wrong with me!!?

It is difficult to see it is an illness and I feel that I should naturally feel happy to be with him, but I guess I have taken the first steps forward.

Thanks again x

This thread contains some reassuring information. I couldn't find it mentioned on the Breastfeeding Network Drugs Information Sheet but there is also a helpline for you to call.

Ladypop I had PND, DS is 1 now and I'm feeling much better. I didn't take antidepressants in the end but I sort of wish I had when I was diagnosed at about 5 weeks post-partum. I got better very slowly whilst doing group CBT therapy and weekly meetings with an NHS psychiatrist and talking things through. It was a slow, at times agonisingly slow, return to form and only looking back do I realise how down in the dumps and unlike myself I was. I think you're absolutely right to take the antidepressant. Sertraline is supposed to be the absolutely safest one for breast-feeding and apparently can be very effective.
Take care of yourself, take it easy and don't blame yourself. It is bloody hard. I so identify with you not feeling like you missed the baby and that you didn't particularly enjoy motherhood I completely felt the same. Now, months later, I've just started back at full-time work and miss him horrendously! So don't worry you will get there in the end.
Also, don't know if you've seen this thread before but if not it might make you feel less alone: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/1066548-If-you-didn-t-fall-in-love-with-your

Sorry here's the thread I meant.