patient confidentiality? childrens rights to know about their father?

[cestlavielife]

exP i suspect is on a downturn. i handed information to his GP who cited patient confidentiality but said she would follow up with him.

we have had no contact for about 10 days after his behaviour deteriorated, dc didint want to see him and i sent him text urging him to seek help from GP. his friends also told me they had seen teh same (depression again) and had told him same thing, to seek help.
.
i have a suspicion he does not wish to disclose any info to me - fair enough -

but what rights do the DC have to have info on their dad, e.g. whether he is being treated or not?

they are 8 and 10 (oldest is 14 but has v low mental age disabled). i have been saying to DC "dont worry, he is ill, he can get medication and therapy to make him better before you see him again".

am taking them to GP again next week (same practice) - to discuss whether they need referral for counselling to deal with all this. (tho they seem quite happy with no contact so far) .

i would like them to be told something - but unless his GP has asked him specifically what info to divulge - then presumably they will just say "patient confidentiality"??? and reveal nothing?

I don't think your DC have any rights at all to know how their father is being treated, and tbh I'm rather horrified you seem to feel differently. Would you allow your 8 year old to read your full medical history?

i guess that is why i asked - i dont know really. it is a whole new ballgame this time of not knowing anything.

someone who has just gone "AWOL".

no - not expecting full info.

and maybe yes i am being unreasonable.

that is why I am asking.

what should they have a right to know?

do they have a right to know something about their father or not?

will they have a right to know if he commits suicide?

but i think they could for example be told "he is ill and is being treated"

or "he is fine"

or something?

or??

I really do not know - that is why I am asking....

what do they have a right to know?

what should they be told about their father?

or do I just continue with my imaginary "he is ill" until such time as he re-emerges "well" and demands to see them - or until they are told he has topped himself, should that be the outcome? presumably if that happens they will have a right to know?

i asked should they be told "whether he is being treated " --not the hows and whys - needs to be simple.

am thinking - should they be informed he is say, in hospital?

or that he is seeking treatment to get better?

or just leave it nebulous?

"well we dont know if he is well or not. I think he is sick and that is why he scared you with his behaviour. but dont worry, he is getting help form the doctors".

but I cant say "he is getting help" if we not told?

it is better to make up something?

full medical hisotry - no of course not,. that was not what i meant. not what i said.

i meant - do they have any rights to any general information as to why their father has disappeared? (but apepars to be "alive" from seeing lights on in his flat - we ahve to drive by it to get from A to B.

given that the evidence from his behaviour is that it is down to him sliding back into a major depressive type illness?

what do your children get told about the MH issues in your family?

I'm sorry, I was a bit grumpy earlier on.

I think I'd leave it fairly nebulous, tbh, telling them that's he's ill and can't see them right now, but hopes to be able to in the future. If they're not upset by his vanishing there's no need to bring the subject up unless they do.

If he does top himself, I wouldn't be too explicit about that either; just that he has died. You can give more details when they're older.

I'm sorry for your troubles. :(

Slightly different here but DH is currently suffering from depression - I have told DS2 (6) that Daddy is feeling poorly, taking some medicine to get better and that we need to be patient with Daddy at the moment.

DS1 (10) knows that Daddy feels sad and is taking tablets to help.

DSS (15) does not live with us but visits every other weekend, does not know and I know that DH does not want exw to know what is going on.

Our GP has spoken to DS1 about his dad but for this to happen DH had to come to the appointment (he then left the room so that DS2 could talk to GP). GP would not discuss with just me (even though I have been to appointments with DH).

Hope that my position helps you slightly

You can tell the children that their dad is ill and needs to get some sleep and some time on his own? This would explain why they cant see him. If he then gets better and wants to see his children then this is left open. If as horrible as it is he does take his own life then you can say he fell a sleep and did not come back? Im sure the children would ask what happened to dad? So this is a way of not telling lies but not saying your dad is depressed and who knows what will happen! You can tell them when they are older and they can maybe understand. My DS asks whats wrong with grandad (whos schizophrenic) I just say grandad is tired and get confused sometimes. As if I say hes ill my DS would then say grandad why are you ill? Are you ok? And that would create a whole new thing. I will tell him when he is older hes only 5 now.

Er, no experience in this, but I've read it's a seriously bad idea to describe death as "falling asleep" - makes children fearful of sleeping themselves.

tks for all the inputs.

funnily enough my dd 8 - heard something on the radio - asked this morning "mummy what is commit suicide?"
i said "sometimes people get really sick and they kill themselves".

if it happens i will tell them the truth - you can get very very sick in your head and decide to kill yourself. i do believe in telling teh truth, in simple enough terms.

i think with a much older grandparent it may be a little different. but yes using "falling asleep" to describe death is not good, i think.

(his talk about ending it all begain in 2005 - when we were still together - i've had five years of considering this....)