Does anyone else dissociate from their body?

[madmouse]

I've known for a while I do this due to child sexual abuse but it is on my mind a lot right now as I have just remembered the moment it first happened (which is a horrid memory)

I know it can show in many different ways. For me it's:

Not feeling pain, cold, discomfort etc in a normal way (I had 2 paracetamols after a forceps delivery with large cut and cycled a week later)

Not feeling my body, feeling disconnected

Numbness and tingling all over

'Playing roles' during intimacy, leaving my body, struggling to stay present

and there is more. Anyone else out there. Just really struggling with this (and other things) right now

Oh madmouse Hugs.

Madmouse I feel so:( for all you've gone through and are still going through.

Sorry I can't help but thinking of you x

Madmouse I feel for you too. You deserve so much more than going through this. I wish I could take away the pain :( I would if I could. Thinking of you too x

thank you x

I get this as well, the feeling of not being in my own body, sometimes when something stressful etc happens I float up to where it's safe. Smetimes time slows right down and goes liquidy? I can't explain, and I'm completely cut off from everyone.
I grew up around physical, emotional and phycological violence, I don't remember a lot of things, huge gaps. However I wasn't sexually abused.
I always thought it was just me with the floating thing.

It doesn't have to be sexual abuse - apparently it is what children do to cope with unbearable pain, be it emotional or physical.

Oh ok, I've not talked about it before. I did once try to explain to a counsellor but couldn't put it into words properly. Are you getting it often?

What a shame that the counsellor didn't 'get' it. Your symptoms sound very classic.

I get it in some form or other every day.

Yeah, she didn't 'get' a lot of things.
I don't get it so often anymore, when I hear a raised voice it comes back. I can't stand shouting. Since exh left it's been much better. Do you know your triggers? Are you still in counselling?

I feel floaty sometimes, and the feeling that all around me is a picture, and I am floating in the picture. It's so hard to explain.

I'm sorry madmouse you are having flashbacks again. So painful. Is there a chance to go back to the counsellor? It doesn't seem like you would want to deal with it on your own.

I am still in counselling - will finish at some point before Christmas depending how I cope with the latest memories. Not planning to stay in counselling until all the memories are out. That could take years and usually I cope.

Triggers, hmm

Love making (with lovely dh of 13 years ), unsafe touch (ie from men who are not my dh or one of my few close friends), stress, disapproval (real or perceived), tiredness, feeling alone, flashbacks, scary situations (like ds being ill), emotional situations (sadness, anger).

Not sure that's all

I'm so sorry you feel like this.

I don't know how much this will help...

I experience similar symptons to BAB (and on a much lesser scale compared to you).

It's called depersonalisation and feelings of unreality (DPAFU). It comes from anxiety and from having cognitive behaviour therapy rarely happens now. It happens because your body goes into safety mode.

There is a book about it on amazon.

I hope this helps in some way (if albeit a small way).

Madmouse, so sorry you are going through this.

I used to have exactly the same feelings and sensations -also centred around the abuse I experienced as a child.

However, there is definitely hope. I have had counselling and CBT and, although it's be a slow and gradual process, I have noticed that those feelings have all but disappeared.

I am still not completely in touch with my body (I don't notice/ignore feelings like being cold/tired/thirsty etc).

But you can definitely become more 'present' -just be kind to yourself x

Thanks for your responses all

Scoopmuck no it is not DPAFU - it has a different cause and different symptoms too. But just as miserable I'm sure so thanks for sharing your experience x

siblingrivalry - good to know it can get so much better. I'm slowly learning to touch my own body and look after it in the hope that it will help me get more in touch with it. I also find that allowing (a very few very safe) people to hug and hold me that I can somehow become aware of my boundaries again, sort of where my skin touches the air/the other person, if that makes any sense. Works particularly well if I've been having a lot of flashbacks.

I can empathise with you Madmouse. I disassociate with my body a lot. Usually under the same kinds of triggers. I was also abused as a child, and was diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. I think it's like a safety valve for when emotions, feelings and situations become too much for us to cope with.

I've never been able to have a fulfilling sex life because I always leave myself whenever I got physically intimate with my partners. Sometimes it happens when female friends hug me. I can feel myself leaving the situation.

I hate when it happens. It feels surreal, like I have been taking drugs or something, definitely not normal.

Dissasociation in this manner can often be a form of multiple personality syndrome. Some early forms of this involve leaving your body and some involve having different masks but being the same person, not all are full blown different personalities. I think you should maybe talk to your gp and try doing ome more counsilling .

Thanks Flamegrilled - it isn't in my case - I used to have some element of separation between thought and feeling/emotion (now largely healed) and an element of dissociation from my body, but not far enough to the right on the scale to go anywhere near DID. It is a 'normal' feature of abuse for this to happen without even a trace of personality split. And this is not a new or developing issue, but an awareness of how things have always been but without me realising it. I am still having a few more weeks of counselling and we are working on body issues. Like the rest of it, it will just take time to heal.

I understand I have had PTSD from abuse I have healed but there will always be some remanant coping mechanisims so I get where you are coming from even though our coping mechanisms are very different. I am glad you are still recieving counselling I really hope it all goes well with that

Blef thanks for your response too - somehow good to know I'm not alone.

I can usually stay present with hugs from female friends and one close male friend. I generally cope ok with brief greeting hugs/kiss on the cheek from other male friends except I don't actually feel them. But that's ok because they don't notice it.