Can't cope any more

[CKMUM]

I have just moved to an ew area where I don't know anyone to get away from my partner. He used to amke me really unhappy but now I'm regretting leaving because I can't cope with the children. I'm just so sick of being tired.

It's a friendly place I've moved to and I get out and about, going to mum and baby groups etc but I don't have any friends who come to see me or family.

My ex has found me now too and has the cheek to say he loves me and wants to be with all the time, then says he hates me and he's taking the children to live with him cos Im sucha bad mother. I used to be worried he would get custody of them, now I sometimes wish he had as I find them such hard work. But he can't cope with them either. He never used to be able to take my youngest for 5 minutes to give me a break.

I'm just so sick of being really exhauseted and not having anyone to help

You are bound to feel like this now! You have so much new to take on. Dont go back to your ex unles it is want you truley want to do,it wont really help. It takes time to get to know people and if you are going to groups it will get easier. When you get chatting to someone suggest you meet up for a coffee one morning!
Where have you moved to?

You have a lot to cope with so don't underestimate that. I do not want to offend or upset you but was there violence in your relationship? In any event it sounds like there are some tangled up issues - the issue of losing your partner, of coping with being a mum, and the issue of building yourself a new life in a new place just for starters.

It sounds like your partner was not much support, so why do you think having him back would help you cope with the kids? Or is it sheer exhaustion /depression that is making youn feel so desperate that you are almost fantasising about having no responsibilities any more?

How many children do you have? It sounds like you really need some time and a chance to talk through all the things you are feeling and perhaps also to talk about what your relationship was like. You can do that on mumsnet, but maybe you could ask if counselling is available through your GP? Or privately if you could afford it. You could also ring the Samaritans just to talk.

Try to recognise that you are under huge stress and that you may need to expect less of yourself at least for a while. Sorry if this is a bit waffly, I just felt rather worried that you feel so alone and wanted to say that many people on here have been in similar tough situations and found ways to survive and even smile again!

There was domestic violence yes, although I found the emotional stuff harder to deal with than the physical and sexual stuff. I am just so tired, we split up during the last pregannay and I worried about how I would cope but was surpriesed how easy it was being a single mum but now I find it impossible to cope with two children. They are 19 months and 6 months, eldest still breastfeeding, youngest won't have a good feed, just little and often so I never go long between feeds. Hard to put young one down, wants to be held all the time.

Find it hard to cope with washing, cooking, shopping, have financial problems.

I feel so guilty cos I can't even afford to buy my eldest some more clothes.

I thought it would help to go to groups but it just seems to make me more tired. Also the groups are for 0 - 5 years so there are activities unsuitable for my eldest so I can't relax I have to keep running round after her, which is also difficult when I have the baby to sort out. If I'm feeding, I then have to run round trying to feed whilst running after my eldest. I have so much admiration for single parents, they all seem to do it so much better than me? I am so useless. I jsut can't do it.

I am in Oxfordshire which is great for people being friendly, activities for children etc although it's expensive

if you dont mind me asking where are you from?

maybe if you are near we could meet for coffee and a chat or indeed near other mnetters

A friend in need and all that

oxford

I only have one child but from what I know it is difficult enough at the best of times to have two under two! So as I said, don't underestimate the stress you are under. You sound terribly hard on yourself, I think you have been incredibly brave and to be making the effort to go to groups when all you must want to do is sleep for a week is amazing. Perhaps you could scale going to groups down a bit, in favour of doing anything else that both you and your two children enjoy - even if it means sitting them in front of the TV so you get a bit of time for yourself. Keep reminding yourself that this is going to take time, and prioritise your tasks and ditch those that are not strictly necessary. Are you a perfectionist? That never helps!!

I am off out for a while but will check back later. Maybe try posting on the single mums thread for more support on practical things, and even to see if anyone is near you?

Do take care, big hug too. It can get better, and will if you take it slowly and allow yourself time to adjust and maybe grieve the loss of what you had hoped for. Beating yourself up NEVER helps!! (I should know).

I'd love to sit them in front of the TV, I miss the tweenies myself but I don't have an aerial!

Well that sounds like a priority then! What is the hardest thing for you at the moment? And what do you find helps, even a little bit?

Oh ck mum-you poor love (((hug))) your really having a bad time at the moment arnt you? I really don't know what to say or suggest with you having no friends of family. But just wanted you to know Id read & acknowledged your thread.
But as much as you feel alone, tired, you do have your sanity! Because your ex b/f sounds a typical ars* hole, & your better off without him,although it doesn't feel like that at the moment. You will be vulnerable & its easy to get dragged back in. Have you not got any old friends you can talk to, but saying that alot on MN give good sound advise.
Good Luck Love.Be Strong if not for yourself-but for your kids. They need a strong mum. Your doing a marvelous job bringing up 2 kids under 2, I don't envy you at all.
Im so sorry that I don't live near you either

I'm still feeling so fed up, eldest daughter has been ill, youngest feeding so often, house is a tip, stuggling to cope financially, youngest won't take solids, bottle or cup, thought ifshe might take other fluids it will help, I just can't be a single mum, but if I have ex back, he will stop me seeing friends, say I'm useless and lazy if I ask him to do a nappy change, get lunch etc, and want to go everywhere with me

Poor You. I am in a similar situation being away from family and friends and it is hard bringing up a family with no family or close friends near. But you are doing a great job and the children are worth it.
Big hugs and keep smiling through..