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how do I break this cycle?

2 replies

littleearthquakes · 01/11/2010 21:03

I posted a few months ago because I felt I was sinking back into a recurrent depression I've had since I was 13.

Since meeting DH 6 years ago I've been pretty well, apart from the occasional slump but nothing to write home about. At the beginning of this year it went horribly wrong and I was so desperate to self harm for the 1st time in years, something I'd promised myself I'd never do now I have firstly DH who I can't hide the physical signs from and I have DD who I really don't want growing up questioning her mum's behaviour and scars.

I SH twice but managed to explain them away (they were a few months apart) and instead starting SH through drink and smoking again (never near my DD or DH, kept both very hidden) then had a short lived affair with an ex who I was with on and off during the height of my depression before I met DH

I feel horrendous for behaving in this way because this harms many more people than just me....I'm not shying away from the responsibility but I know the main reason I fell for the ex's words was because I just needed to feel SOMETHING, I didn't enjoy any second of the affair and used him to make myself feel worse, I know that (he doesn't, he probably still thinks I'm infatuated with him). He went on to treat me badly in the way I knew he would, made me feel even worse on top of all the guilt.

Eventually I bucked up my ideas and cut all contact, focused on my family. My poor DH doesn't know about the affair but was very very supportive when I was obviously going through hell and so I feel even more guilty and just horrible.

I know for my marriage and mental health I need to stay very far away from OM but I feel myself slipping again this week and alongside the old feelings of wanting to cut, I want to call OM again. I know this will make it worse, it won't even be a brief relief in the way SH is...I don't have his number anymore but do have his email address, how do I break this cycle of wanting to contact him to hurt myself? I don't want to hurt my wonderful DH or DD, and that's all that's keeping me from emailing at the moment, but I want to break even wanting to do it...

OP posts:
Thingumy · 01/11/2010 22:45

Write all the benefits down as to why you should contact your ex.

Read then write down all the negatives of contacting the ex.

Read and re read and re read if needs be.

Then make an appointment with your gp and discuss your depression and what help they can offer.

littleearthquakes · 02/11/2010 09:45

I'm pretty sure I won't contact him, there is too much at stake outside of my own selfishness, if my DH and DD weren't around I'd do it in a heartbeat, but then I probably would just SH instead.

The need to SH has diminished over the years but now I think I've just transferred it rather than got rid of it. I don't feel like I'm falling into a massive hole, just getting down and reverting to old coping mechanisms.

Has anyone stopped the cycle of SH, in any form?

OP posts:
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