How do you cope with depression and dc?

[luckywinner]

Because I can't. I had a really bad bout in July, just at the beginning of the summer holidays and then I had another crash into the hell that is depression this half term. I could barely muster the energy to brush my teeth, let alone look after my dc. We spent the week either in front of the tv or we just about managed to cross the road to the local park. I feel sooooooo incredibly guilty that I have let them down, that they have been saddled with a toxic mother. I love them so much but I really am completely the crappest mother on the planet. I am poisoning my beautiful dc and I just don't know how to deal with it.

I am already seeing a therapist and on anti-depressants. I don't know what else to do. How does anyone else manage?

Do you have any support from friends and family? I am lucky enough to have a mum and dad who can occassionally help, but I have had to get social services involved with our family at my own request as when I am ill I find it far too hard to cope with my dc's needs. I can usually manage the basics when I am unwell, feeding, keeping them clean, warm, the occassional cuddle but the rest I would need help with.

Please don't be afraid to ask for help.

I do have support from family. They are about 100 miles away but my mum is coming up today to stay for a few days and my mil came up last week for a couple of days. I spent the weekend with my dad as my dh was out/away. I know on a day to day basis I can provide for them. I always cook dinner, give them a bath, read to them, cuddle up etc. But I feel I am failing to provide for them emotionally. And that feeling really hurts.

what about your H? or is he at work?
the great thing is that you have insight into your MH. (my exP has no such insight)

you can ask for more help.

maybe look into local half term playschemes for next holidays so the dc could do some days or half days of planned fun activities?

then it will be fine if the other times they just chilling at home .

Hi luckywinner, my god you are so not alone in this. I sometimes think that being a loving, protective, well-balanced mother is the hardest thing in the world. I was a single mum until I met my current partner 6 years ago. It was by far the hardest most gruelling thing I've ever had to do :( I adore my (17 year old) son, but I feel that motherhood has somehow depleted me of the strength I used to have :( I believe that I probably wasn't cut out for motherhood, but only discovered that too late :(
Every 6-week summer break was the most hideous nightmare for me, as I had no support at all.. although I begged Homestart for help, but they said I wasn't bad enough :) I had to disagree.. they didn't see "the real me".
I also self-referred to social services, but again said that I was doing a good job! But I wasn't, I was a mess, and my son was suffering because of me :( I wonder what we have to do sometimes to get support? Scream, shout and run around the streets naked? They still wouldn't give us the right help though.
I've got a feeling that it's sink or swim in this life... right now I'm sinking :(
I wish you luck in your search for support x

Kibbutz83, I imagine if your son is 17 years old, you won't be a priority.

It is awful having depression and trying to be a decent mum. It's like there are no emotional reserves - nothing left to give. I wouldn't know where to go for support, i don't have any family/close friends. I think with the holidays, it's a matter of taking one day at a time (sometimes one hour at a time at it's worst). xxx

WherecanIhide, that is so true. I am running on empty. I can't bear to let my beautiful dc down, but I have to face the fact that I am ill.

Kibbutz, I am so sorry to hear you didn't get the support you needed at the time. I am so shocked to read that in this enlightened age, people are still being treated so badly when we need support the most. How are you feeling now?

Cestlavie, my dh works all the time. But he is also being so kind and lovely to me, I couldn't ask for more. I am just so sad and ashamed that I have put this pressure on him.

lucky i think if you are doing teh right things, seeking outside support, taking whatever medication/therapy you need and managing to provide for your children then you are doing good.

I've just been told that my exP was signed off by MH services - not because he is well - right now he is decidedly not and i have had to cut contact - but because he didnt turn up for his last two appts. that is parental irresponsibility.

you are doing the right things, seeking support etc. your children are lucky to have such a loving mum.

Lucky - if you have a child under 5 you can self refer to HomeStart who can provide you with a worker to come to your home, often weekly when I last heard of someone using htem, to help you with your children for a few hours (eg to go to park, do active play in house with toys etc ...)

Could you arrange some playdates for your children with other children to give you some space in holidays? And if you need to have those children back in a swop arrange it when you have family to help (but ideally not have them back if you have friends you can ask occasionally?) Or half-term or holiday activities, depending on ages of children such as:

• soccer school,sport activities in local area doing extra things in hols
• church holiday clubs, often free (aware not everyone likes religious things so feel free to ignore)
• activities at libraries for children that are organised

just a few ideas from our town noticeboard recently for last half-term.
Glad your dh is supportive - if you are struggling I was told myself that as I have a dh even if I don't feel I can do things at times I wasn't a parent on my own. not saying that helps though, but...

Ironically Keziah, I volunteer for HomeStart! I am taking a break from it at the mo. Thanks for all your suggestions though. They are really good ideas. I think I am going to get organised for the xmas hols. I just feel so guilty that half term seems to bring on my depression.