how do you know the difference between the normal ups and downs of depression and bipolar?!?!

[MissTired]

ive always been up and down to great extremes, never in the middle but the downs are getting worse and worse, after reading about bipolar it sounds like me i think and dr seems to think its possible too but im back there tomorrow so will see what they say as they are thinking of referring me to a pschiatrist, in fact im not sure if they did the other day or are doing tomorrow. but ive spoke to a few friends about it and they sa everyone has ups and downs even when they are depressed so not to read much into it, my ups and downs feel very extreme and i dont realise ive had an up til ive had it and im back to normal down again if that makes sense, i just dont know how they would know what the difference is, is it a fine line!? i know i have very severe depression and suicidal thoughts etc but i dont know if it could be more, i mean is the difference between severe depression and bi-polar a huge one!?

I have a tendency to depression and am pretty sure I don't have bipolar. My lows get very low but I have never experienced highs of the sort that a friend who has bipolar does.

I hope you manage to get some more help tomorrow.

I would say it is when the "ups" become a problem. They aren't just feeling normal again, they are more of a hyperactive kind of thing, where you would have problems sleeping, eating, holding down a normal job and so on. Often they can be mixed with psychosis- ie seeing, hearing or "knowing" things that just don't exist.

When I used to get ups I would spend all my money/take out stupid loans/give away my possesions and be convinced that I somehow knew all the secrets of the world. I would pace up and down all night instead of sleeping, or go running off away from various imagined dangers. If I did sleep, it would be fitful and short and full of vivid nightmares. My breathing would be shallower and my pulse would race. I would often talk so fast that people couldn't tell what I was saying. I would write reams of really rubbish poetry and be convinced I was the next Wordsworth. I would have stupid sex with stupid people and take risks that I never would normally. I drank far too much. You might not be exactly the same, but that is what I was like.

Also, my highs were always much more dangerous than my lows. Highs would often land me in the back of a police car or ambulance, lows generally involved me being safely lying in bed weeping and refusing to move.

you see i dont know how to explain these things best but my "high" times are not that extreme, however to me they are higher than normal if that makes sense!?!? i sign up for things i would never normally do like in the last few months during "high" times ive joined a gym (i hate the bloody gym except when im in a high type period when i think i can do it and dont care if people stare at me! when im low everyone is staring at me i hate leaving the house because everyone in my eyes hates me and talks about me - im very very paranoid), i also signed up to a open university course, i keep putting my name down for volunteering things (then when im not on a "high" i wonder what possessed me to do that, ill never have the confidence to do all those things), i tell people im goin to run a marathon/skydive etc thankfully never actually planned or done this any more than just telling everyone ill do it! (i am so unfit i cant do half an hour at the gym!!), i give anyone anything and give money i cant afford to charity, buy things w dont need and cant afford for the house or my son, we are realy overdrawn so i shouldnt be buying anything we dont need or giving any money to charity should i!! then at night i cant sleep for thinking of all these great things im going to do and planning what i will wear for the marathon etc!!!

then when im on a down i cry and cry and hate myself and the world, i am so paranoid i think everyone is talking about me and looking at me even if they just walk past my house, i am jumpy and think people are looking at me even in a room with curtains shut on my own like im scared of my own shadow staring at me even though i know noone is there i feel like im being watched. i feel very suicidal and the only thing that really stops me is the means to do it ie not on my own or i think of my little boy and think i have to wait til another day when i can get my mum to have him etc, so really i want to do it when im down i just put it off if that makes sense

i duno if that all makes sense i was just writing as i thought!

Misstired - I think you have started a new thread - anyway I don't think internet diagnosis is the way to go, though I appreciate that it helps to get things written down. I use a journal and it just pours out of the end of my pen, or sometimes i use my laptop and do the same.

You need to get a referral from your GP to be assessed by a consultant psychiatrist, who will diagnose and treat you with the right medication.

i think thats what they are going to do tomorrow nananina, they said they were going to refer me anyway but seeing a different doctor tomorrow so i dont know, im just so worried im making something out of nothing because it doesnt feel like nothing to me i just dont know what to do and what they will say im panicking so much about tomorrow! sorry

I'm bipolar and I haven't had an episode for quite a long time but my highs are like this;

feeling incredibly energised and like I could run all day - I actually have done this

not sleeping, or managing more than 3 hours a night - having a desperate urge to leave the house and pacing up and down in the house instead of going to bed

laughing inappropriately

talking fast, switching from topic to topic and talking to people I don't know.

not eating

constantly looking for opportunities to have sex and flirting with lots of random men which usually results in my mobile ringing a lot because I've given my number to loads of people!

having strange symbolic dreams

a feeling of unreality

taking risks and not even thinking about it

buying things I don't want. I once bought 2 identical pairs of (expensive!) boots - have no idea why and also came across loads of unworn clothes I had no recollection of buying

also had strange ideas like the devil was tracking me

the depressions I had were so bad that I would plan my own suicide, quite calmly because it seemed sensible at the time.

It does take time to diagnose - some doctors thought I had BPD.

Agree Evileye - my psychiatrist was always more concerned if I was manic.

have aread about hypomania eg
www.depression-guide.com/hypomania.htm which is not as "manic" as full blown mania but describes mt exP to a T when he "high".

thankyou cestlavielife, ive been readin that now and other things about hypomania and it really does describe me down to a T. ive been to the gp today who has now decided that because when im feeling good (what i think could be this kind of thing but i dunno im no doctor!!) if im spending loads of money and donating money to charit etc despite my debt its ok because im doing it knowing what im doing at the time and that i dont think im the queen or anything and im not giving it because i think i am the queen etc, does that sound right!? and i said i plan to do stupid things like run a marathon (im extremely unfit!!!!) but she says thats ok its good that im ambitious and she would only worry if i thought i was a plane or something!! now i dunno if thats all right but shes a doctor, i just thought that surely these things if very out of character for me and things i can remember doing and regret when im on a downer surely i dont need to be thinking im someone else for it to be not normal!?!? i dunno i dont even know what to think anymore i just know im sure theres soemthing wrong i shouldnt feel like this all ups and downs, never in the middle.

gp has just changed my anti depressant and said she will see me again in 3 weeks. i said i dont know how much longer i can cope feeling like this i said i just dont want to wake up everyday and think of suicide very regularly and wish i could do it but i just dont have enough tablets to do it (i avoid buying them if i can as i know this is my weekness - have taken overdoses before in the past, im 30 now i did it when i was 17 and 21 and have almost done it man more times!) she wrote on her notes that patient does not feel suicidal and thats not an issue!!!!????? i try to tell them i feel so close to breaking point and they just dont seem to get it. im terrified i wont last the 3 weeks until my next appointment and will give in before then or that these tablets wont work (i know they take time) but i feel like getting through every day is a major success as i feel all day im having to fight the urge to end it all im so scared one day im going to loose this fight

dunno if that all makes sense!?

gosh i dont know but it sounds to me you need a second opinion and not "bye see you in 3 weeks"...
dyu have CPN or crisis team you can call? GP should give you the numbner -ask for mental health crisis team - you have to call yourself - they should be able to talk you thru this

you can try calling GP reception and asking them to give you number for mental health crisis team

hope youre still around cestlavielife, just wondering what the crisis team will do, im scared that someone will put me in hospital or something or take my boy about

no they will talk to you they dont take drastic action - i know as have spoke to them lots re my exP -they always made it clear thery were there to help with day to day, discuss medication, tell you about services available, etc to talk...not to act in big crisis if you see what i mean.

may be diff in each area - but they should be able to help you acess help you need and work with you - they not the team to section people as far as I can tell.

thankyou, im going back to the drs tomorrow i just cant wait 3 weeks, ive talked more to my dp and hes coming with me to tll them how much i need their help and will see what they say, i dont even care what they call it anymore depression or something else i dont care i just want it to go away and to stop feeling suicidal :( thankyou for reassuring me i wont be in such a panic if they suggest the crisis team now i dont think xxxx

Hi I have recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 3 weeks ago (unsure of exact timing everything is a bit of a blur ATM). My ups are much more devastating to my life however my doctor said that is not always the case some people have mostly depressive episodes.

I had another episode about 5 weeks ago and after about 2 weeks was admitted to a mental hospital where they evaluated me and decided that my episode was over and let me go home. No one has mentioned this being a problem or a risk to my children. My ups usually have a mission I always feel like god put me here for a special purpose and if I fail my mission I go very down and have attempted suicide on occasions.

I don't always sleep with numerous people (though at least one person) but my behaviour is always abnormal and very harmful and risky. There are many different types of Bipolar disorder and some have more severe ups some more severe downs. Afterwords it feels like someone abducted my body and the memories seem to fade.

If you are seen by crisis there really is nothing scary about it. The important thing is as you want to treat this to get some help and support and understanding to help you deal. I also think that by getting a diagnosis it will help your DH to understand better and be able to offer further support. Do you have any further syptoms make sure you tell your GP that you feel suicidal as he will take you more serious then.

Please remember that if you feel very bad, you can always call 999, or if you prefer, 0845 46 47 is the number for NHS direct who will help you as well- they can send out a doctor, make you an emergency appointment or send an ambulance if needed.

thankyou, im currently waiting for the on call doctor at the local doctors to ring me back for a phone consultation, hopefully they will help me i hate being like this but i know its only a matter of time now before i attempt again and i dont want to but can feel it coming it feels like everyday im battling myself to not do it but i know i want to if that makes sense, hoping this gp can help im so scared the part of me that wants to do it will win

the dr phoned, hes ringing crisis team, thankyou

I am glad you are getting help now. Hope you get a quick diagnosis

thankyou, im really scared, am waiting for this crisis team to ring, the gp spoke to them and they said they would ring today but wouldnt commit to a timescale so dunno how late they work etc!? im really scared of it all thankyou everyone for the support i feel so alone as my dp doesnt really understand how i feel as i guess hes never been there, to him depressed is nothing like this i dont think, ill post again later and keep you all updated, thankyou so much for caring im so scared and its nice to know people care

well crisis team still hasnt phoned so im getting all stressed now

I know what you mean misstired it is horrid waiting, I also know what you mean about partners finding it hard to understand.

I also felt really alone but after my physciatrist's said what they thought was wrong my DP and family have been much more supportive, I hope it is the same for you I really do.

i hope so i cant take much more of this, ive still had no call :(

oh no did they give a time that they would call you?