Help...

[dannidub2000]

Hi all, new to the site so please excuse me as Im just getting the hang of it.
I saw a previous thread but it was more about PND.
Where do I start..??
I have 2 boys 2 and 4, them along with lifes stresses is completly whacking me out!!
The constant screaming, moaning, fighting, ignoring me, being rude....i could go on, is sending me mad!! Im really not enjoying my boys and life at the mo.
My BH runs his own business which takes most of his time, while I run our farm, be secretary and do BH's admin work and bring up our 2 boys.
The last year I have constantly been run down and picking viruses etc up.
I get plenty of exercise, have pets that are therapeutic, have friends at the end of the phone for a chat/ to moan.. i just dont feel i can cope anymore!! Am I too stressed or is it becoming depression.
The last week my head feels so heavy and my neck is so heavy and stiff, been taking nurofen which should ease it but its not, always looking for medical reasons why I feel rotten but think the fact is I am not coping with my work and the boys..

Oh poor you, you have a lot on your plate.

How long have you felt like this, do you think it could be long standing untreated PND?

There have been a lot of discussions on here about when does being run down / stressed / sleep deprived etc become actual clinical depression.

It's very hard to say when one becomes the other, I suppose it's all on a spectrum. The thing I have found helpful to make the distinction is that when you can still function and get on with life, it's not depression, but when it really gets in the way of normal everyday functioning and enjoyment, then perhaps that is the time to seek help.

You do sound like you are tipping over into depression, I'm sorry to say it Totally understandable with 2 demanding boys and from what sounds like 2 or 3 full time jobs!! I'm guessing if you have a farm, you don't get many holidays, am I right.

The heavy head / stiff neck thing doesn't sound at all right, I think you should get that checked out. It could well be from being hunched over a desk or over working?

I think you should go the the GP. Explain about everything, you might not necessarily need anti-depressants, but you might. They may want to do a questionnaire with you to see whether you are depressed.

One things for sure, you NEED to get some time for yourself, away from the boys. It's not a luxury, it;s a NECESSITY. You say you've got friends you can call, can you ask one of them to have the boys for an afternoon?

Thanx for reply!!!
I dont really do holidays. Since my 1st buy I suffer with anxiety attacks which I am dealing with head on. One of these anxieties is I cant do motorways, so holidays are a no go..
Went to the doctors the other day and she put my head and neck down to a heavy migrane, the joys, since my 30th bday a few mths back it seems my bodys gone bleugh.. I dont think im good at dealing with stress,, very good at collecting it all up and suddenly theres too much thats stuck!!
Ive been seeing a chiropracter lately for my back (sound like a hypochondriact..god)so have got BH to do the bigger calves so Im not lifting too much, which has halved the workload, and we have our accountant doing some of the paperwork so thats halved too. So if anything I should be feeling better, but Im not.
Me and the BH had a set to the other week and he was saying how hard is my life, ive got what alot of people would be very jealous of, which im sure is true to some but god its bloody hard work..
I love to sit with my pigs late at night and give tummy rubs, which is very therapeutic, but as soon as I come away I get back in to screaming rude kids..
Reckon its time to give the HV a call monday..
The eldest has just started school and i am awaiting to get no 2 into playgroup a couple of sessions a week, so am in hope that that little bit of me time will help.
I just feel so guilty that Im always feeling poo and im not enjoying my boys..

Sorry im waffling on

Feeling guilty is part of motherhood, don't worry!

It does sound like very hard work looking after a farm, DH really didn't have a right to accuse you of being ungrateful. Yes there are people who would be jealous of your life, but we all have our own struggles. It's not generally very helpful to compare our lives to others, because you never know what's going on under the surface with other people.

And depression generally doesn't discriminate between people who "have it all" and who have very little. It is quite an equal opportunities illness!!

Good idea to ring the HV, see what she says.

Tell me bout it. Im jealous of both sides, people with a running farm and house. Were jus in the middle of setting new farm up so a very stressful time in our mobile home.
The other side the sound of a house, 2 dogs and a garden sounds so great!! but i dont want to give up as in a few years things should get easier!!!

dannidub - me too feeling for you - 2 under 5s to deal with is enough without all your added extras. Like others have said you seem to be coping at the moment - just - but this stress could tip over into depression/anxiety. Surprised the GP did not think head and neck pains could be anxiety related.

I have suffered 2 severe episodes of depression and amjust recovering from the latest one. I read a very good book called "Depression - the curse of the strong" and written by a psychiatrist. He puts most depressive illnesses down to overload of stress...............so you MUST try to decrease your load somehow.

You're right - things will get better as the boys grow out of terrible 2s etc and a re both at school and the farm gets sorted but in the meantime, PLEASE don't put yourself at risk of depressive illness because then you will not be any good to anyone.

I'll have a look and see if I can get a copy of that book!!! Thanks ever so much NanaNina!!!