Compensatory Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Please help

[AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong]

I think I may have this - well, I am almost certain. It does not take over my life, but it certainly has a negative impact and I would like to aim to be 'normal'.

Is there anyone who has been there and got help and successfully managed to become 'normal' - ie. not have it anymore?

I am desperate to live a happy love filled life, thats all I want and need. I want to make those around me feel happy and love. (I do indeed realise that this aim is also part of my overall problem!)

What makes you think you have it? Who has diagnosed it?

Because it is one of those conditions where if you would have it you wouldn't see it in yourself.

It is not to be confused with being desperate for others' approval because you have low self esteem.

What is compensatory narcissistic disorder? Why do you think you have it?

Always I was on your other thread. I think that you cannot possibly diagnose yourself.

I think if you feel you have longstanding psychological issues you need to ask your GP to refer you to a psychologist or similar. Imo it's not going to be that helpful to hear people advising you on here. :)

I have Borderline Personality Disorder and there was no way I could have diagnosed myself, even if I had of heard of it when I was first diagnosed.

I just read the list and most apply to me, either now or at some points in my life, and re-occur.

I am sure that it is something that will be a slight issue all my life, but I am trying very hard to keep it under control so I remain happy.

I will never go to a psychologist or the doctor to ask for help, I could not stand them judging me.

Also, I am too scared of the possible implications on my life; at present those implications outweigh any perceived benefit.

I am destined to struggle on, up and down, in and out, round and round. But my lot is not so bad that I cannot nearly almost always cope. Well, at least recently anyway. During my younger years, I did not cope well at all.

madmouse - I cannot actually tell thats what I am doing when I am doing it - but when I read it all in black and white, and given that thread and the way things in my mind opened up, I cannot wholly deny that I may well have a problem that is a little more than oscillating high and low self worth, amongst all the other traits.

Blef - I just googled narcissism to see if my husband or I had many of the traits. Whilst searching it all, I read about compensatory. Almost every point on the whole document applied wholly to me. As if I am a textbook case.

I can only say that if you don't want to go to a mental health professional because you assume you will be judged, you should stop trying to diagnose yourself. What are you hoping to achieve?

Always I would see a councellor to just talk through your past, present, thought patterns etc.

You dont have to see a shrink if you dont want to - but I do think it would be positive and constructive to speak aloud to a councellor - they wont judge you at all - just listen adn be supportive.

I have bought a book on cognitive behavioural therapy and I am going to start by trying to improve some of my negative thought pattens.

I am a very lucky person that I do not actually feel bad about my past, I accept it but I do realise it has had a negative impact on my happiness.

Hopefully I will return to a more balanced state soon, i feel much better already with a plan of action.

Thanks to all for your help.

Always - one of the many strateies child abuse victims use to survive (and I'm talking from experience) is to convince themselves that it is all their fault. It works something like this: It's all my fault, it has to be, if it's my fault I can fix it, make it better, if it is their fault I have parents (in my case teacher) who don't care/love me and who hurt me and then all is lost.

It's a hard on to break. It has dogged me for almost 30 years ie until very recently.

Juging by what Dittany says happened to you a CBT book is not going to help you.

ouch what appalling typing - sorry had a bad night.

Strategies

and a hard one to break

Thanks everyone, sorry I left for so long my life is just so hectic at the moment.

I am just really struggling to adjust to a total life change - ie. off with 2 kids - now at work full time with 2 kids and a shift worker husband.

It's tough - I am aware that I will take time to adjust and I (and my hubby) are now giving me some slack until I get on my feet.

I do not feel bad about my childhood experiences because I feel that my mum could not help it because her childhood was even worse x 50,000,000 than mine. She was actually trying very very hard to be always in control and loving but just lost it now and again (not right I know). I went through hell as a teenager and came out the other side; I hated my mum for a while and refused to see her but now I have forgiven her and understand why what happened happened.

I know that I struggle to cope with stress in my life because I revert back to being childish. I am just riding the storm now and things are improving greatly.

I don't think I have a personality disorder - I was just looking for something to blame for how rotten I felt and how awful I was being to my partner and family.

I am on track now and thinking positive again almost all of the time. The little wobbles are manageable and I am getting used to my new lifestyle.

If I am still struggling terribly after Christmas then I am going to arrange to see a councillor.

The CBT book is slowly helping because it is helping me to identify worrying thought pattens and giving me ways of addressing them and making my thoughts more positive and realistic.

I wouldn't recomment self-diagnosis with such a complex condition. I have had mental health problems for years and after suggesting to my Mental Health team that I might be Bipolar because the symptoms "fit" -they went with it and I ended up in A&E with severe lithium poisoning.
I have now been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and am having Dialectical Behaviour Therapy - which will hopefully help. I'm not saying that you have that - but your new found feelings of positivity are something that I really relate to. I go up and down in cycles and stress plays a huge part in that. Keep going with the CBT and rather than going to see someone for CBT if it gets worse, ask your GP for a referral to the CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse). CBT is brilliant but very narrow - a CPN may well be able to guide you in a far more helpful direction.
Hope that it doesn't come to that though - hope that you have a wonderful Christmas x

Please try to find some one you can trust to share this with.Even ? ring the adult survivors charity... ? go to gp and ask for a referral.. Professionals are there to help and be respectful...not judge. It sounds as if you have many unresolved issues for very valid reasons, but there are people trained to help you find peace and move on to the rest of your life in a better way. Good Luck