Counseling - unexpected feelings resurfacing

[electra]

I've been having counseling for about 3 months and so far it's going very well. The counselor is helping me work through how I feel about things because I struggle to recognise feelings I have and had actually become 'numb' in order to shut it all out.

It is hard, but I knew this would be the case. My parents always acted like my feelings about certain things were irrelevant, or punished me for feeling a certain way sometimes.

A few days ago I had a very unpleasant dream. It has upset me and I can't get rid of it, even though I'm not sure why it's bothered me. It concerns my youngest daughter's father who disappeared when I was 10 weeks pg, has never asked about her, refused to discuss it with me and now denies that she's his. I have not thought about him for a very long time but I had a dream that I was looking through a transparent door and could see that he had my shoes. I woke up feeling very shaken by it and can't understand why it bothers me so much. Since then I have been feeling upset about what will happen when dd3 asks about who her dad is.

I am sure the counseling is dredging up stuff I want to forget as I am also remembering details of my marriage ending which I had forgotten. I was wondering if this is usual?

I will mention all this to my counselor next time, but I find it hard to discuss and think I'll cry about it (no idea why!!) and I'm still not comfortable with letting myself cry.

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Yes in my experience it is usual for buried feelings and memories to become more conscious as counselling progresses especially as it sounds as if you are beginning to experience feelings you have cut off from. Try and talk to your counsellor about this - you may find it an enormous relief to do so however scary it might feel at the moment. I have had a lot of therapy and work as a counsellor and this has been my experience as client and therapist.

Sorry - that sounds a bit pompous - in a rush to organise Halloween stuff. I think what you are going through is part of the counselling process and can feel quite scary and disturbing but your counsellor will be able to help you manage your feelings, trust can take a while but can develop as you begin to talk about what you are experiencing - hope that makes sense.

This is exactly as it should be. You have to go through the pain barrier so you can feel better about yourself and your life. It does feel quite hideous at the time and you might even feel quite annoyed or angry with your counsellor (presume it is psycho-dynamic?). Don't worry. Try and tell your counsellor everything (I know it's hard). And do cry if you can. It sound's like you need to. Good luck.

Not pompous at all! Thanks both of you, what you say sounds reassuring. I guess it's unsettling to think you've forgotten about something and then it rears its ugly head! I trust my counselor with what she's doing and I really trust in that so I guess that's all I can do.