Can someone please reassure me i am doing the right thing? Need a bit of propping up!

[Fio2]

about 4 weeks ago i went to the GP as I was having panic attacks again. My stomach was constantly going over itself and I felt full of panic. He was really understanding and we had a long chat about things and he prescribed me 20mg paroxetine once a day and reffered me for counselling. Initially I felt relieved I had spoken to the Dr and got it all off my chest. I went and fetched my prescription but it just sat in my bedroom and I never took it. I started to feel less panicky and was 'looking forward' to a counselling appointment assesment.

Well today i felt like i couldnt get out of bed. i have felt lacking in motivation all week. i feel sick and panicky. i have to see the GP this morning to chat to him again. I woke up and took my first AD. now i am sitting here worrying about taking it. i feel sick.

Will someone please reassure me i am doing the right thing. I feel such a mess this morning

lonelymum tell me about, i moved down here for dhs job, the six week holiday he was 2 1/2 weeks in india and a week in holland and now he is in holland again. i feel really resentful soemtimes, go on kick me

What does he do fio or is that something you don't want to give away? My dh is a business manager for a company that designs parts for trucks. The thing in Moscow is just a trade fair but most of his other trips are to do with courting customers and each deal involves x million pounds as dh never fails to tell me. Makes my trials unblocking the loo and getting ds to cubs etc look pathetic to say the least!

resentment? Don't get me started!

he works as an electronics designer/engineer for the defence sector, usually contracting, but atm he is in permenant employment so realisitically should be home more regular. Your dh is in mechanical engineering isnt he? i think we had this conversation before, alot of my dh's collegue are on the mechanical side. i just feel so fed up of being on my own most of the time, doesnt really help does it?!

Lonelymum and Fio - just think, when your kids are grown up they wont look back on their childhood and say " My dad did multi million pound business deals in the Far East".

They will say " Our dad was away a lot but mum was always there for us. She took us to football/brownies every week, did our homeowrk with us and taught us to bake/paint/cycle. Mum was so much fun - we were really close - we had such a happy childhood "

Yeah Kristina but will I still be alive to hear them? I get so worn out at times! Also, I want dh to be an active parent. I feel parenthood is best shared. I would never have had 4 kids if I had thought there was any chance of me being a single parent. Anyway, yes, Fio, he started out as a mechancal engineer, but he has gone a bit beyond that now. He always wanted to do defence work but originally he couldn't as he was not a GB citizen.

Sorry I wasnt defending your Dh. I knwo its exhausting on your own . My DH works away a lot, but only for a week or two at a time.Dont know how i would cope if it was months....

kristina we know you mean well! well lonelymum i feel the same, my dd is severely disabled and my ds seems the most demanding child ever and tbh i feel exactly the same as you, i didnt plan on having my children and having to raise them on my own. Sometimes I think it would be easier if we split up even though i love my husband to peices, that sounds awful i hope you know what i mean

Well I do fantasise about meeting a man who loved me and my kids and wanted to be a full-time, hands on dad, and I think to myself, would I leave dh if I found someone like that? But I suppose the answer would be no. Note I only say "suppose"!

are we twins?!

honestly though sometimes I think it would be better if he was a 'weekend' dad because at least then if i met someone else it might be easier, i feel such a cow. i am sure it is resentment but I dont want to feel resentful because I love him, but i also feel a but left behind and the one who is downtrodden and has the responsibility of everything to do with the kids

Yes we are twins. I feel exactly the same. Did you give up a good career to have your children? Do you work at all now? Do you foresee a time when you will work again?

Ooooh,a moan about blokes who are never around! Can I join in!?

Lm,the evening class sounds fun. What are you taking?

Italian. But Moondog, I only get to do it when dh deigns to be home in time.

my mum actually gave me half her and my dads company in her divorce and i ran the financial side, always felt a bit lucky to have landed but I worked hard and I had good qualifications from school. My Dad screwed me over though, another saga I'm afraid.

i have just started working part time but only in retail and although in some ways I feel i have sold myself short i feel glad of working and socialising iykwim That side of things makes up for not earning mega cash or having a high powered job. I feel resentment too though as i have always been really ambitious and still am but I feel it is impossible with the responsibilties of the children (even though i love them aswell!) i am really going on arent I?!

It all comes out at times like this. Don't worry, we are all the same in that respect. Hey at least you are working, bringing in some money, meeting people, having a differnet focus other than your children. Sigh! Sounds OK to me, as a starter, anyway.

i thought as a starter it would be ok, fab even. 6 years at home is a long time!

i think the worst thing is with your husband (their dad) being away is that it takes the 'fun' out of everything and in some ways alot of life becomes a 'chore'. I am a happy soul tonight

Fio..so agree with the fun being taken out of everything.
Things that would be great if dh were here just become yet another tedious job to add to my list.
My mother was here tonight. God,it made such a difference to have someone just to be with them,mess around in the sandpit,blow bubbles,stroll to the field at the bottom of our garden....

Fio2 I have just tried to post some links for you closed the wrong bloody window!!!!

so here we go: (hopefully) .

the site that the leaflet I have just received has come from

Mind

Association for Postnatal Illness

cognitive behavioural therapy I'm going to be doing this, fingers crossed.

depression alliance links and contacts page

postal natal illness

Meet a Mum site

NCT local branch map

I hope that you might be able to use some of this, there is another site I want to post for you but the link is at work and I can't find the site just searching, it was suggested on here before, I'm not in til Monday so can I CAT you with it? otherwise I'll post it on here for you.

Take care m'dear

H x

Oops the convo has moved on quite a bit

I'm the same DH has a new job and this week is in bournemouth for 5 days it is harder when there isn't anyone else to share it with and it can be really boring building towers to knock down for the 10th time in a row!!

Have to go and decorate a cake so I'm outta here sorry, fio2 hope your feeling a bit brighter tonight I Haven't had a chance to catch up yet I'll read through tomorrow.

H x

just wanted to say, i think my Ads have started kicking as i dont feel poanicky any more. Also i had my therapy assesment this morning for an hour, so i will let you know what the course of action is. thanks everyone for your support last week