Your best anger management techniques please

[aliceinlalaland]

Have had to accept that I have underlying anger issues, I don't mean I wander round wanting to punch people for no reason but I tend to completely over-react to anything that could possibly be perceived as criticism. It's really very silly and makes me very unhappy once the fury has worn off. So, I'm taking my anger in hand but any extra advice would be very welcome.

My strategy is, when I feel myself getting angry:

• count to ten, breathe deeply etc
• consider whether my reaction is proportionate to the problem
• consider whether whatever the problem is will matter in a week/month/year

But, what next? What if none of that works or it does stop me flying off the handle but the issue still niggles away at the back of my mind making me unhappy.

Would be especially pleased to hear from anyone who has had anger issues in the past and successfully overcome (or started to overcome) them

Could you ask your GP if it is possible to refer you for anger management. In our area you can be referred to the local mental health service for a course of sessions. (usually group work)

I hadn't really even considered that as a possibility - I think I'd feel a bit embarrassed asking.

Also, and I know this is very very silly but I think I would worry about it being on my notes and everyone in the doctor's surgery knowing that about me forever after. So every time I go to see a doctor for a pill prescription or rash or something they'll look at my notes and think I'm about to burst into a rage-filled rant. I guess it's about feeling judged.

sorry, meant to say thanks onepiece - it's a good idea anyway and will def give it some thought

I can understand that. :)

I am sure that some other people may have tips for you.

Long term I think you need to look at reducing your general stress levels. On days that I fly off the handle generally there are other issues at play; pms, not eaten enough, too tired, etc etc

Also in the short term look at distracting yourself as you are already trying. If at all possible actually leave the situation entirely. If it is a dp that you are feeling angry towards, warn him/her beforehand (i.e. when not angry) to leave you well alone when you are like that, especially if you leave the room.

Sometimes I feel very stressed at dc's bathtime. If it gets too much I just call dh and leave him to it. Sometimes you have to leave things to avoid getting angry? (if you are a lone parent, then think of strategies). One night I was alone with the dds and dd1 was being very difficult. I lifted her out of the bath (wrapped in warm towel) and left her on the step for a moment or two so we could both calm down. (she was safe and warm)

thanks v much.

Stress definitely plays a part. I have a lot on (2 DDs, 2YO & 8MO, working from home, Dh works v long hours so only around at weekends, various other stuff to keep on top of) and I do really heap the pressure on myself.

I think acknowledging the anger as you suggest would be massively helpful but that in itself is a huge step. I find in the heat of the moment I'm terrified of admitting it because it turns me into the unreasonable one but actually if I were to do it the whole problem would become so much more manageable.

Anyway what you've said has been really helpful, thanks

Think about what type of things you are getting angry about, work? kids? OH? general day to day things.

If you can identify triggers to your anger you can look at ways in dealing with it.

If your in a situation if possible:

Leave, if not count to 10, sing a song in your head, and deep breaths.

If its an argument for example, write down what you want say/point you want to make, if some thing is niggling you write it down, work out how to get what you want without losing your temper IYSWIM

Locally we have teams based alongside GP surgeries called well being teams they offer anger management and you can self refer, do not if you have some thing similar near you.

Thanks v much - that's really useful and I will look up wellbeing teams. Off to bed now but will check in again tomorrow. Thanks again for your input