Have mental health problems so no fertility treatment

[Keziahhopes]

Hi
worst fears realised today. Turned up at fertility centre (nhs cycle, pct agreed funding, taken 11 months to get to this stage) for injection training and today is the first day injetions for ICSI (male factors)and the clinic says "sorry, at the meeting this morning we decided due to your gp writing to us and phoning the consultant we can't treat you." Failed welfare check.
- emoticon I want not available!!

If my dh not have antibody problems we could conceive naturally. Am mid 30's after years of ttc naturally.

I don't deserve children everyone agreed. No one to support me. I work with children, help run charity residential events - but clinic said that didn't count, it was gp. Changing gp not help, as (a) I would need them to know me for at least a year before they would be allowed to overrule this gp and this gp sent copies of letters from my psychiatrists - including the one that I am complaining about at official level (told to). Lost advocate, as he changed jobs.

They worried about how I would cope if the treatment failed, but no support offered for me to be childless. No treatment on NHS ever been given apart from 5 sessions when I was told I was suitable for that help.

Can't express how I feel. Hurting so mcuh.

I think my depression has sometimes helped me deal with my children,because it has made me perhaps more sensitive to their thoughts and feelings.I think the medical profession in this country, on a gP level have a very limited understanding of long term depression.I read about a girl who wrote a book about my type of depression.It's called atypical,and yet the gps in this country have only ever called it mild depression,and several of them, think depression is only something you have and then you get over it.They don't understand atypical;that it can be a life long battle,but that with the right support you can lead a pretty normal life.I know now i will have this depression for life,but I have 3 beautiful happy children,who love their mum and dad.

Am just so shocked by this.Don't know a female who hasn't probably felt suicidal at some point.Life's hard,female hormones send most of us haywire every month.You have just been honest enough to go to GP and ask for help when you needed it,and this is how they repay you.absolutely shocking.!

Thanks lovelymumma - its encouraging to hear of your children.

Saw gp with dh today - gp has sought union advice, written a letter to my hospital and said he will not say anything positive in my support but will not block it. Uh? I cried, and I never cried. Dh said nothing!! Arghhh..... so don't know what is happening now, apart from Gp doesn't know the word "sorry" or "support" or anything. Was so angry but couldn't show it as it will not help me. Seeing a different gp not much use right now as they will not act when my gp one of senior gp's after massive changes at gp place and new young gp's. Seen this one for over 5yrs and this is how I am treated. But no support for my depression/mental health from him - he actually refused to get me any today (my one question from my dh!).

Not know what to do now - wait I guess. But it hurts, everywhere I see heavily pregant women, prams...

kezia really sorry you are going through this so unfair, fx things turn around

Keziah - I know whe chat on the other thread, but I've ben following you on here too.

I think it is a positive that your GP says that he will not block treatment. Under HFEA regulations treatment can only be refused if you fail the welfare check. The only thing the welfare check is concerned with is the risk that you might pose to any children, not your ability to cope with fertility treatment. If your GP can say that you are not a risk to children (and this seems likely given he has stated he will not block treatment), then that is very different to withoding personal support.

Once your ICSI treatment commences in January (which I am sure it will now) I do think it would be a good idea to look for a new GP Practice to join. I think the dotor-patient relationship has broken down in your circumstances and you really do need to start afresh with somebody new.

Would you consider DIY sperm donation?

KC, new gp is definitely something I need. I don't know what I have done wrong - not hidden anything. But it was awful with gp yesterday, all he was concerned about was covering up the fact he lost us 3 months as he didn't know the regulations and wouldn't listen to us!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have no one to give us sperm foreverastudent although I am aware of the irony that if I slept around (not planning to!!) then no one can force an abortion on me!!!!!

Was up till small hours due to upset caused just from seeing gp. Now we have to wait until the hospital tells us what they are going to do. Think they are so busy at the moment that a quick reply is unlikely especially as the dr we saw was only a locum and has left!!

Anyone can buy frozen sperm can't they?

err, I think that's illegal foreverastudent

There were a couple of guys in the news recently convicted of setting up an unlicensed "fertility service" whereby sperm was sold.

There is no screening in place e.g. HIV in such situations and I think it's too risky.

Keziah I really feel for you, it's awful

We just want a baby together - hard enough to accept that we can't achieve this naturally

Hmm, KH, this sounds very much like your GP and your fertility clinic haven't followed protocol - could you (briefly) explain the chain of events, and I will run them past my GP husband? It may be the case that you can complain to the GMC about this, but I'll need DH to have a read of it. Would that be okay? If not, that's fine too ... I just hope DH can offer some ideas or alternative paths for you to investigate.

Hi Frozen hope this helps - 12months ago I went to Gp after several years of ttc#1. I have recurrent depressive disorder, on venlaflaxine and have a psychiatrist (well see occasionally) never had any talking therapies offered. Work with children, do residential charity camps in holidays - Gp knows this and not stopped me! Had basic tests, dh a SA, then referred to FC in local city and underwent rest of tests. Having found out there were male factors preventing us from having a child, both mid30's and getting frustrated when top consultant told us to try for another 6 months we looked up guidelines and learnt that at point of treatment we had right to choose where treated. So went to gp's, saw a different gp as ours on hol (this gp now left!) who did paperwork, got PCT funding for a private clinic that accepts our PCT. My own gp aware, he admitted he knows this - it is in my files!! Saw consultant, had more tests which eventually revealed the exact problem with dh meaning we need ICSI. Filled in paperwork honestly including welfare of child section. Ticked form to allow them to contact gp, obviously. Told could start treatment 6 weeks later, drugs arrived and we turn up for our injection training on first day of injections needed to be told " you can have training but no treatment." Our consultant not there, he was a locum we now find who my gp wrote to and spoke with. Saw letter. Clinic decided to not allow treatment until gp had written saying no issues with welfare of child.

We rang gp - he said lots of horrible things on phone to me but not support me or admit to those things. Seen him since, he said he didn't know HFEA guidelines and 2 weeks from clinic not long enough for him to respond. Letter sent to him said if he ont respond they assume no issue, hence he wrote but said nothing really. Don't know phonecall contents.

We saw gp together after dh saw gp separately twice!! First time gp defensive, 2nd time dh gave gp the guidelines!!!!!!!!!!! End result is Gp contacted his union who said stay neutral, so he written what he thinks is a neutral letter and what I think is not neutral. He writes that the clinic have decided to treat me after talking with me about my mental health problems. That I think is not "neutral!"" I told him I wanted support, he said his position is not of support. I told him he referred me for testing, has known all along - if he was concerned about me why not block my job or get me help?? Guess what, no comment on that either. Years of seeing gp, all he cares about is his own position and defending himself.

Sorry that is not so brief, but not sure how to do it less briefly. Clinic were great, manager spoke with me but said they are waiting on gp and the consultant moved quicker than they are used to. Well, now have 3 month delay due to Christmas closure and my dates even if get treatment. Gp not say anything positive to me, just timing was unfortunate. I cried, I never cry.

Any ideas welcome. Just wish the other dr was still there, he was great - but moved on sadly. Lots of new dr's at gp practice so only know one other who I don't like.

Hi KH, thanks for responding. Would you mind if I tried to reflect back my understanding of events to make sure that I've got the details correct? I'll number the events purely so I can make sure I've got them in the right chronological order - I hope it does not come across as insensitive or reductive.

1. You saw GP1 to request fertility testing following several years TTC. GP1 referred you for testing.

1. Following your unhelpful meeting with the first consultant, and your discovery that you could be treated at a centre of your choice within reason, you went back to the GP to help with this where you saw GP2 (the nice one) who helped you find a clinic that the PCT would fund.

1. All went along nicely 'til you arrived for training in use of fertility drugs and discovered that the letter re: mental health issues meant that the treatment couldn't go ahead.

1. This letter was written by GP1 and said that he did not support your treatment due to mental health issues.

This is where I get slightly uncertain of events, so would you be able to fill in the gaps?

What exactly did the letter say? Is this letter the same one as the one that GP1 refered to as neutral? Or were there two letters - one negative, one 'neutral'? At what point in this did GP1 speak to his/her union?

What meetings and telephone conversations with GP1 took place after this point and what, if anything, has been agreed?

I would say that, at a minimum, you need a formal face to face meeting with GP1 and the practice manager. You can initiate this with a written request - at the very least, the practice manager should meet with you because this concerns the probable breakdown of a relationship between patient and doctor. Beyond this, DH can't say at the moment until he's sure he understands events properly.

I am so, so sorry to keep asking you to relate aspects of this and fully appreciate that it may be painful to you . By all means, do not answer anything if you don't want to - I hope DH can be of some help regardless.

I am so sorry that your GP has refused to back your treatment, especially at this late stage. That must be so heartbreaking for you. Has he stated why implicitly he wont support you, and yet has no qualms with you having contact with children in your work life?

I think that you must change your GP as soon as you can, whether your fertility treatment goes ahead or not. The trust between you and the GP has been lost, and how will you ever be able to go to him again with a problem (medical or psychological) if you cannot trust him. You definitely could do with some counselling to talk about your depression and how being unable to conceive has affected you, in my opinion. How can you ask your current GP for this help if you cannot trust him?

Unfortunately children are not something that we have a right to. It does seem unfair that you have been denied a right to treatment by another person. But you have to make a decision with your DH, are you going to wholeheartedly fight this together, or is there another way you can go to achieve what you desire. Or do you have to accept that there is nothing that can be done. I do hope you get the child you so wish for, but even with fertility treatment nothing is guaranteed. Good luck.

I really believe you should seek some advice from a mental health charity - MIND for example - as to me that seems to be a huge case of discrimination. Don't give up xx

This is awful. I can't believe you're being discriminated against in this way.

Mind seems a good idea, thank you.

I think the problem for me is I have spent so long getting to the stage where I feel I could be an ok Mum, as I didn't want any child of mine to be brought up like I was etc to find out we are infertile has been so cruel.

FN
Your points work well. The only reason we saw GP2 was my own Gp was unavailable to be seen for 4 weeks - in actual fact there was a GP3, as GP2's letter got "lost" by the admin staff somewhere (building work etc!!)
However GP1 has everything on his files and admits he was fully aware of what was going on, as I had seen him for physical problems after these referrals.

Yes, 2 letters and 2 sets of phonecalls. First letter stopped treatment, as Hospital said treatment would go ahead unless Gp contacted them, which he did. Then hospital rang them Gp as he had written but not answered hospital's letter. We also spoke to Gp on the day of actual treatment, when he said some very upsetting things to me on the phone. My Dh saw him twice, and only after this did he contact his union, then write the neutral letter. However neutral letter talks about my mental health.

Blef - I know children are not a right - 6 years of ttc#1 tells me this. And I am totally aware that FT costs thousands and may not work, hence I have been saving so hard and going without and getting myself to this position over the last few years. My Gp refused to refer me for any talking help!

No, your questions are really helpful FN as they take the emotion away from what has happened and is happening. A formal meeting sounds a good idea - I am just so scared of breaking down in tears, I have kept going on since these events and worked etc, but feel so rejected and less than a human being if that makes sense.

Keziah it's ok to break down. IVF is very damaging in lots of ways and all this on top of it must be incredibly stressful. Crying is a natural response to something that runs so deep.

If your GP is refusing you counselling then you have to change your GP. Why is he so unhelpful to you, you should write to the practice manager if he is refusing you basic treatments such as counselling.

AFAIK counselling connected with IVF is not the GP's responsibility (or in their budget). I understood it is provided by the clinic giving treatment.

Yes, clinic will offer counselling for IVF but as I currently cannot have treatment can't have counselling there. Don't feel I need it for ivf - nothing has failed there adn I realise ivf is not guaranteed to work and almost have a "it is not likely to work" approach.

Gp not referred me ever for talking therapy of any kind, not signed me off work so this has been a total shock.

Kezia,
I just want to say im so sorry for you and the situation you find yourself in. Its not fair and awful how badly you are being treated. You deserve to be a mother as much as anyone else does and their arguments for you not having treatment are ridiculous, plenty of people with mental health problems have babies and make good parents. 1 in 4 people have mental health probems a good many of them will be rasing children!
I have past mental health problems and have recently lost my baby, had abnormalities that were incompatible with life, I know how painful it is to want a baby so much. If someone had said to me you cant have a baby becuase you might not be able to cope I would have thought them crazy, plenty of people without mental health issues find coping with ivf and babies difficult.
I hope you find the strenth to keep fighting, take time to look after yourself, and remember your good qualities. I hope you get the support you need and treatment, and to have your much wanted baby, I wish you lots of luck x

Flower, thank you for that. It is good to remember those figures, 1:4. And yes, people without problems struggle with infertility and having children. It is good to put things in perspective sometimes, which I have needed today.

Am sorry for your own situation. Hope you get support and treatment also that you need x

KH - just wanted to say thank you for responding and I'll point DH in the direction of this post tomorrow. I am not going to say that I know what you're going through (because it drives me nuts when someone says that to me) but we faced several losses on our road to have children and if someone had implied that I didn't deserve children because I struggled to cope with this grief then I think I would have wanted to hit them. Or alternatively, to give them a taste of what it feels like to want the chance to be a parent and to have the chance taken away from you by circumstances beyond one's control.

Flower, so sad to hear of your loss :(

Ok, so I jumped through their hoops and a dr that never met me says "no treatment" ....

it is making me feel I am such a bad person that I can't have treatment - floods of tears at this thought. Noone to talk to -as all friends have babies etc and can't cope with me, not that I would inflict myself upon me, but very noticeable silences from them. Oh, apart fromt he one who wants to go out and socialise and needs a babysitter