how do I talk to my GP about getting counselling for depression?

[titferbrains]

I have already mentioned it to my GP once, she referred me to a lady for assessment and I really couldn't stand the woman. I think the feeling was mutual, as our appointment was only about 30 min instead of the allotted 1 hr.

I need to find someone I trust to talk about things I am bottling up and help me to cope with irrational anger, mood swings. I need to talk to someone a bit more so I can figure out if I need to go on drugs or not.

I have never asked for drugs before but am really struggling atm. Everything is getting on my nerves, I am snapping unreasonably at my DH, I am not taking 2yo DD out enough during the day, I'm spending too much time online. Hardly see any friends and struggling to make any.

None of it very healthy I think.

What should I ask my GP for? Should I try to find a recommended local counsellor and then chat to them about whether I need medication?

In the past, diagnosis has always been mild depression but I feel like I am living with a basic level of unhappiness that I don't even think about anymore. I am not suicidal but very sad about my life and often miss being the person I once was, I often think about the fact that no one ever calls or emails anymore, even the people I count as friends. I then send emails and try to reach out but I think it's too little to late.

Read another post on this board about reaching out to people - but lots of my friends are pg at the mo, and no offense but I know that this makes you quite self centred - I'm nervous of pouring my heart out and them not really wanting to hear about it. I can't think of who I ought to talk to, hence looking for a counsellor to get it all out.

Poor brains, sorry you are feeling so down. I would go straight back to your gp and just say what you have just said in this post, including the bit about the fist counselor not working for you. There will be alternative counselors.

It sounds like you don't just need medication but also someone impartial to talk to. I have antenatal depression just now and I am finding that counseling from someone who isn't involved in my life is very helpful. I hope that you get the support you need soon.

thanks for posting!

glad to hear that counselling is working for you.

Guess I need to have confidence in my GP and try again.

Yes poor you - I have been in your shoes, in fact I could be you from your email. I also HATED my assessment counsellor, to this day think she was unnecessarily horrible to me. Saw a private therapist for a while that I found myself but also struggled with her - I think it was the style of therapy. But recently went to the counsellor at my GP's surgery and thought he was GREAT, felt much more comfortable. I wonder whether one has to take some time to find the right 'fit' - but it's difficult when you are just looking for some help.

It sounds like you need/want to have input into your treatment - perhaps good for you to build your self-esteem if you are an active partner in your treatment? If you have some money I would ask your GP if they can recommend any private practices nearby and to have the chat you've discussed with them about what they offer - eg, a 6-week course after which you discuss what happens next, or do they want you to sign up indefinitely til it's cured. Also the style of counselling - would CBT work better, or 'normal' counselling, or therapy? Perhaps do some research around that and also ask the therapists exactly how they work? My experience is that if you're not comfortable with somebody you should move on, however much they think you are 'transferring' issues to them and it's interesting to discuss that as a way to help you!

Personally, in future if I think I need it again I will pick vanilla counselling rather than jungian/freudian therapy as I like things practically focussed with me being active in getting things dealt with, and not open-ended in terms of how long I will be seeing them.

Hi Oma

Can I asked what has most helped you move on from being unhappy?

Yes was actually going to look online now re: private therapists. I am looking to "click" with someone, who can help me to see when I am complaining vs. talking about a real problem...

off to have a shower, will be online again later.

Gosh, if i am going to be honest - it was having a baby. One of the things I was most upset about was my relationship with my family and not being able to conceive. Hence IVF working made a huge difference, and I knew that having a child would alter the way i related to my family and it did. That's very personal (and lucky, in lots of ways) so I'm nots ure if that's helpful...

But wrapped up in that fact are lots of contributing things:

• I have very low self-esteem and am very hard on myself generally: I think I hear a bit of that in what you are saying? Having a baby and being a mother is a massive achievement for me, I always have that now.
• there is now something more important in my life than me IYSWIM. Without wanting to sound reductive, I am v busy as a part-time working mum! that in a very practical way can stop me obsessing about things that can depress me immensely (eg, the environment).
• There are very difficult moments to being a mum, but in general it gives me a sense of purpose I struggled to find before. I thought if I failed to conceive I would probably have to do something like join VSO/Oxfam, leave the country and focus my life on something that was rewarding, self-sacrificing and distracting in equal measures to escape myself. (A nice combination of selfishness and selflessness there! But that almost describes parenthood IMO). While running away from yourself is probably not advisable from the long-term, there is something to be said for getting 'out' of yourself, leaving the chatter in your brain behind. Babies and pregnancy provide that a lot. It is not selfish to need inspiring moments that speak to you spiritually and make you feel like a better human being. If I was your doctor i would write a prescription for you to make a programme of these moments for yourself, at least twice a week.
• I am allowed to be more selfish now - 'I can't do that slightly onerous thing because of DD/I'm allowed a treat because Im' a hard-working mother/I can't be the perfect 'green' eco-warrior because of money/time issues' - and I don't beat myself up so much about wanting to be.
• Maybe there's something in having less choice as a working mum, that you are more grateful for the fun things you get to have; I have to ration myself things for financial and other reasons. I think I've read that a surfeit of choice and pleasure is actually very upsetting to the human brain and I think that was true for me.
• I drink less now. Lack of hangovers definitely helps. I didn't have a drink problem but have noticed that things seem clearer without alcohol.

wow, I'm off for a shower now too, sorry for long post.

Sorry I didn't mean for that last post to make it sound like having a baby is the answer to everything! Just wanted to go through the underlying issues and what the solutions were, having a baby to do so is not obligatory :)