no-one is going to forgive me

[Caththerese1973]

hi
i am just sooooo outraged and at the same time guilty. i have left my partner since march: dd is only two and a half. My f**king mother is a drunk and an old devil who is apparently determined to guilt me into going back to him because she thinks it is too traumatic for dd to have overnight visits with him...in the meantime, ex's car has been stolen, he doesn't have a penny, no work prospects.....i am living on my own with dd on welfare but also working as a university tutor one day a week which pays really well and if I make a good go of it i might get more work next year....try explaining that to dear mum, though, who seems to think i should have to put up witgh being pushed around and bullied for the rest of days....
sorry, this is very confused but i am so upset. My mother LURES me into staying overnight at her house and then the first opportunity she gets, she says every horrible thong she can think of tom hurt me....
also I do feel sorry for my ex, i would go back to him, but he can be so aggressive and demanding, won't let me have friends or a life, watches me like a hawk and calls that 'love'.
oh my life is such a f*cking mess, i am at my wits end (and I have to teach tomorrow, have prepared no lessons, am trapped at mother's overnight now....this situation sux!
i would appreciate some feedbac, support, whatever people feel able to give

CathTherese - and on your behalf about you Mum. The relationship I have with my Mum isn't great either....and I won;t go into the relationship with my Dad.

How does she 'lure' you around? I'm a firm believer in shutting people out of my life who make me feel like shit. Perhaps it would be easier to stay from your Mum for a while.... she seems a very distructive influence on you.

Well done getting out of the violent relationship! Don't feel sorry him..... if he doesn't help himself then he'll never change. Until he does change please don't go back there.

There is lots of support on MN..... have to go to a meeting now, but will check back later.

do not let your mother boss you about and for godsake do not get back with your ex no matter how sorry you feel for him.
By leaving him all that time ago is such a brave thing to do, and by letting him back into your life would put you back in squre one and be a really stupid thing to do for both of your sakes including your little one.
Sorry to sound harsh, it's just that i admire you for what you have done as it must have been really hard to do.
As for your mother, if she genuinely makes you feel bad, then tell her how it is making you feel and say that if she can't be reasonable with you, then you shall have to stay away for a while to get on with your own life as you see fit.
Do you have your own place??

I would bet money that the reason you ended up with a controlling, aggressive manipulative man is because his 'love' felt familiar and comfortable because....it was what you were used to from your own mother. They sound like peas in a pod. Remember you have been fantastically brave and amazing and separated from this dangerous sounding man, and now you need to find the same reserves of bravery to stand up to your mother. SHe is a bully but you can choose not to be bullied. She cannot force you into her home, you can refuse to go. YOu know what she's like and it doesn't sound to me like she's going to change spontaneously - why should she, it works for her. So you have to change. After all if you keep doing what you are doing, you will keep getting what you are getting.

Caththerese1973

Dont be bullied, live your own life and sod what anyone else thinks.

Your DD will not be traumatised if their is a calm atmosphere

Message withdrawn

What aloha says is right about your mum and your ex. They both sound absolutely awful. She's right about you too - you are fantastically brave. You did the right thing and got away from your ex. Unfortunately, you've got to keep on being brave and deal with your mother too. Get out of her house, go home, prepare for your tutoring tomorrow if you can, but whatever you do get away from her poisoning you. You can do it!
Stay strong and stay brave and don't let them do this to you or your dd. You both deserve better.

Caththerese1973 how are you doing now?