someone please talk to me.....

[Lozza83]

Hi,

i need some opinions or a hug please..

My boyfriend of nearly 4 months keeps disappearing and its cracking me up. I'm at a place in my life where i'm struggling and i'm on 20mg Citalopram. He seriously isn't helping my situation. I am a single mum who seems to be stuck in my life. My landlord told me this week that she is selling my house so i need to find somewhere else. I don't have a deposit to find another private place so now i have to go the homeless route which is not fun with a 5 year old girl to think about. As for my boyfriend he does this almost every week, turns off his phone for a couple days without warning or anything and then when he comes back says that he got drunk at his mates etc...is it so much to ask of a stupid phone call or text?? I'm so scared that he is with someone else but at the same time i would just rather he stopped messing me around and left instead of putting me through this week after week. i feel like i am losing the plot, I just want to sleep all the time and cry - i hate my life right now, only thing that makes me smile is my beautiful daughter, i love her so much!

thanks for reading and sorry its long xx

Hey there sorry you are having a hard time. Needing to move is very stressful.

Not sure whether to give you just a cyberhug or some advice but it does sound like time that you figure out what your boyfriend gives you to make up for everything he takes...

Just because you are struggling now doesn't make you second best. Often when you feel like this your self esteem is low and you end up feeling that this is all you deserve - it's not. You deserve care love and respect.

Is there anyone in your life who supports you? A friend?

Hi madmouse,

thank you for your reply, yes i have my mum who supports me but it's getting to the stage where i am telling her the same things every week. She must be getting fed up with it, i know i am fed up of it myself and I know that i am silly for putting up with how my boyfriend treats me but i don't know what to do. I hate feeling like this. I just want to cry but i can't :(

{{hugs}}

Dump the fella. Seriously. Focus on yuo, your future. I know being homeless will suck, but am I right in thinking you then get housed by the council? If so, you will have lifetime security - no more worrying if a landlord will sell. Do you have many RL friends?

where in London are you? x

Hi secretlemodrinker...

yes you are right but i will have to go through the stress of temp accomodation but in the longrun maybe it is a blessing in disguise - don't feel like that right now though! I'm in bexleyheath and even though i do have quite a few friends i'm not very close to any of them and i don't have any that live near me. My family are also scattered, my mum being the closest at about 45 mins away. xx

Lozza it's great that your mum is supportive and don't worry about her getting fed up of you - she is your mum and the whole point of family is that they are not allowed to get fed up of you! I'm sure that when you are feeling well you are supportive to her too.

I am afraid I agree that this bloke sounds like bad news. I can't see how he will get better if he is treating you like this at the start. I'm sure he has some good qualities, and I know it probably isn't that easy to meet new men when you are a single mum, but honestly you may feel lonely without him but you wouldn't have to live with the uncertainty of where he is/what he's up to/how he feels about you. It is no reflection on you that he is unreliable, remember!

thanks for your kind words Arcadia, i'm starting to realise that i'm probably better off without him. I still haven't heard anything. I'm sitting here pretty upset but more settled in my mind now because i think i know what i have to do i just hope i can keep strong to it and not give in...

Thank you all for replying i really appreciate it. xxx

Lozza honestly once you do 'dump him' (for want of a better phrase!) you will probably feel sad, but will hopefully feel it's a bit of a weight off your mind really, as you will be back in control of your life and no longer wondering. In a way, by staying with him, you are preventing the possibility of someone better coming along !

It's great that you love your little girl so much, I have a 10 month old DD and I really struggled with the early days but as she becomes more of a little person I'm enjoying it more and more !

Just thinking about your housing situation - it may be worth you seeing a legal aid solicitor (if there are any near you, and if you're entitled) who deals with housing, or the CAB. I'm a lawyer myself but I don't know about housing, though I did work in a firm who did, and I know they were able to put a bit of pressure on the council/ communicate with them on your behalf if you have any problems.

Sorry just re-read your initial post and another thought occurred to me. there are laws protecting you in your status as a private tenant - another reason why it may be worth seeing CAB or a solicitor, which govern for example how much notice you have to be given by your landlady.

i think they offer loans to help you out with initial costs of moving/furnishing a new place. you'd need to ask the housing people. they used to do this at least, i was asked whether i needed it when looking for housing a few years back. crisis loan or summat. good luck.