Everything caught up with me

[PeachyClair]

Feeling really low today, woke up in tears. DH has ben really low for a bit- depression- and as usual I get the brunt of it. I'm used to that, but he lied to me the other day (nothing major to anyone else), and he never did that before. he went off to his carnival club this morning all OK after giving me hugs and telling me he's sorry, and I believed him but now he's not answering his phone. Neither is his mate tho and I know hey probably can'r hear me, but I just get paranoid now- DH always doing these walking off things you see. Tells me I am ruining his life. Says he is just hitting out at those he feels safe with and I DO get that, but I am exhausted and really, really wanted to talk to him. Was feeling OK-ish, now really low again. Has been building up for a bit TBH. I'm just scared he won't come home. I love him so much, I shouldn't have put all my burdens onto him.

bump. hugs pleae?

Sorry you're feeling low, maybe he's gone for a drink it being Sunday lunch?

What's the Carnival Club?

Depression is a bit catching, but burdening each other and seeking support is all part of a loving relationship..is he just taking some time out so that you don't end up arguing unnecessarily.

I wish I could give enough money for a drink! The carnival club is where he and mates build a float each year for the kids in the local carnival (cept it's not local, we moved, it's 50 miles away)

he did actually speak to me, he seemed OK but I still feel awful for burdening him. He's a good man, but so low all the time. I don't want to make things worse for him. We've had bad few years to put it mildly- he made redundant twice, his parents split up, DS1 was diagnpsed with AS, DS1 then trashed rented house so we had to move again and lost deposit, deatyh in our extended family of a small kid, we had lost our own house nearly 2 years ago.... we just seem to attract upset.

I know I need to take some anti d'd, but everyone I know says they make you so tireed, and I have to check DS1 two hourly at night... I am shattered anyway. Really, really, shattered.

You sound tired, anti depressants don't necessarily make you make you more tired.

There are several types and within the types different active ingredients, the skill of the medical practitioner prescribing if appropriate is in finding the right combination for each individual and it can take some weeeks or longer of trial and error.

When bad things happen we feel bad and look for others to help us in our misery, becoming clinically depressed on top makes it harder still.

I'm not bad at listening but I'm afraid I'm fairly useless at helping.

I am tired, I have been existing on 3-4 hours sleep a night for ages, DH at work at night and DS1 has nine months to wait before the appointment where we can raise getting him some help.

I am worried about anti-d's because I start college in a week. I really don't want to be sleepy for that. it'll be my first chance NOT to be alone since we moved here. But I do have a big challenge to get through first. I had a Rainbow Unit back home, I had handed in my notice from Xmas and found a replacement, but last week I gave up and handed it in from end of month- what with DH, DS1, the fact my eyesinght is failing somewhat and I shouldn't be driving- I couldn't do it. I got a really stroppy letter, and lady is 'coming to see me' tomorrow. I feel awful for letting them down, but when I signed up, none of this (inc the move) was planned. I am expecting a nasty meeting tho, DH is going to be near in case it gets too much. I know I am behind with paperwork- it's all there, just behind- I was just too tireed to finish it. Is that really so bad>

Sorry to hear things are so rough peachyclair.

Is your dh on anti-depressents? Do they help at all?

If you do feel depressed maybe u should try them too? I would be worried about side affects too but I think it is often just about finding the right one.

I think you should take a deep breath and try to relax. I am sure your dh will come home and then you can hopefully talk.

Rainbows like part of Brownies and Guides?

Well if you aren't well and you have personal difficulties to cope with then you can't do it. Unlucky, but that's the way it is so they will have to trawl around for someone else. It's not your fault, you've done your part and made a contribution but you've had to move on.

Can the assessment be brought forward through Social Services intervention or is that what you are going through already?

There is nothing worse than sleep deprivation, it is just awful, is there anyway you can get a bit more?

He has to be in work within 90 minutes of getting home! DH not on anti-d's, they made him so tired he refused to take any more. He was on a waiting list for counselling, but it takes 2 years. I wonder if counselling might be right for me- Uni lists are shorter apparently- and yes, I've got the classic abused childhood.

I know what we need TBH. Sleep. And time alone- we get a night every November.

Sleep indeed. Always seems such a simple thing until you can't get anymore, then it is like the holy grail!!

Counselling sounds like good idea too, but not waiting two years! Hopefully you can get seen sooner.

Social Services won't help. Basically, DS1 was assessed in England but Welsh Dr will only refer when a Welsh DX is made, SS say theya re too busy at mo. They are, I saw the shortage numbers in the paper.

We have to check DSq because if he wakes at night, he attacks ds2. We put them in a room together on the advice of Paeds (he thought it might stop him getting scared at night), but it worsened things dramatically. Trouble is, new house not big enough for him to have a room.

Cognitive behaviour Therapy sems to be effective for people whom try it.

Access the support network at uni.

And I know it is impossible but trying to focus on anything positive does help if you can do it, and minimise the temptation to dwell on negative feelings and events. There is evidence that for example listening to cheerful music can help even severe clinical depression and the reverse is true listening to depressive songs lowers mood.

Oh dear, how to deal with that? I have no ideas, other than bringing ds1 in with you which i am sure is not advised!

If he wakes would you hear him if you used a monitor. Do you set the alarm to wake yourself up in the night?