come and join us on the other thread!
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/1050304-I-am-really-struggling-with-depressed-husband-need-advice-hugs
Living with someone who has depression is so difficult, and you end up becoming depressed yourself if you are not careful. Particularly if you are thinking about suicide, you know it is a big sign that you may becoming depressed yourself or certainly exhausted. It is NOT a solution. You should go to your GP and just tell them how you are feeling being your partner's carer, they may be able to help either just by listening to you or perhaps they can arrange counselling for you so that you can get some support too. Because it sounds like you could really benefit from that, and if you are feeling stronger you will be of more help to your partner.
For what it is worth, I feel the same as you do. It is hell living with someone who is depressed, because no matter how hard you try you have absolutely no control over their thoughts and moods. And it is so hard to live with someone who you cannot help. You must start detaching a little and looking after you, because if you don't love yourself and look after yourself you cannot help your partner. Go out, see friends, take up yoga, get a massage, if you are at home - get a job, meet people. You need to get on with your life and make it as good and positive as you can. I think someone here on this board was talking about tough love, and there were elements of that that made perfect sense to me. I think you must not babyproof your partner's life, just get on with yours and make it as positive and happy as possible and by all means support them, but by showing them that life goes on and is good, perhaps that is the best support. Easier said than done. What gets me is the ups and downs, and the bizarre behaviour and thought patterns. But you can talk to a depressed person and set boundaries, and try and find out what is causing their negative spirals. You are not helping yourself or your partner by feeling so low and helpless in the situation that you feel like crying (and believe me I have days where all I feel like doing is exactly that).
Is your partner getting professional help. He must! GP, antidepressants, psychiatrist - the lot. It DOES help. I read somewhere that without treatment the negative spirals just keep repeating and the depressed person may get recurrent depression, but that 95% of depressives with treatment by professionals can go away FOREVER. Can't remember if those where the exact figues so don't quote me, but there is help out there and you must get it.
Living with depression by Caroline Carr was another nice book. All about looking after YOU, and understanding them.
(more hugs)