cant cope at the moment

[romi]

i am a regular mnetter and have changed my name cos i feel embaressed and ashamed.
I had my dd 17months ago and am still suffering from PND.
I hardly go out of the house and at the moment am switching from crying all the time and not caring.
My house is a tip, i used to be really houseproud, too much really i was obsessed about it but i cant do it any more.
I am getting help my HV comes once a week and i am on the waiting list for counselling.
My GP has prescibed cipralex but i wont take them as i am still feeding dd, she has allergies to dairy and will not drink nutramigen etc, i have been advised it is in her best interests to feed her till she,s 2 but i know i really need to be on some AD,s.
I feel torn between wanting to do whats best for me and my family as my PND is having a bad effect on everyone in the house and also wanting to do whats best for dd....

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

Is there anyone on your level, so to speak to chat to (i.e. friends, close relatives) someone close that you can confide in? Stuff housework for timebeing, you're far more important (and no looking at it feeling guilty you're not cleaning ). You need to sort out you before you can sort anything else. A great free way (for me anyhow) to feel fab, is when it's nice outside (not today though chucking it down here) get out for a walk. Somewhere peaceful though, woods, countryside etc. Not sure why but really does help. Hard to feel like crap when you're surrounded by beauty.
countrysideAfter my ds1 was born I suffered badly with PND. Know exactly what it's like. Then few years down the line, suffered badly with depression and was on ads for a few years. Luckily after ds2 I did'nt suffer and had already come off ads. Just so you know you're not alone

my friend was in a similar situation and was given AD's. She was also BF at the time and they didnt effect baby, so they must have been a different type. Maybe ask your HV about this. Have you tried counselling yet? Do you have any family that can give you a break?

I am sure there are AD's you can take when breastfeeding, as loads of Mum's start taking them for PND when they have very young babies & I am sure they are not all bottle feeding Mum's.
I suffered from PND after the birth of my ds2, so know how you feel.
Do you have any friends or family that can give you a break for a while, or just come around to support you?
I found counselling very helpful, infact I am back having more sessions now!
It really may be worth talking to your gp about the AD's though, as mine really helped me get through my PND.

Hey Romi,

I'm really sorry to hear you are so down at the moment. I agree with others number one is the most important thing right now so I feel you really should be taking those tablets to get some relief from the way you are feeling. Either having asked hv or dr if you can whilst bfeeding or stopping that now and taking tabs which sound necessary!
Its so hard being on the waiting list for counselling, i am too! Have they given you an idea of time you will have to wait?
I am on msn if you ever want to chat just let me know but i also realise you may not be up to that at the moment - no pressure of course.

Your family will benefit the most if you sort out your feelings first and sod the housework by the way as others have said

You take care and i'll keep up with this post and try to help if I can!

Sax xxxx

im so sorry you re feeling like this romi

your family will benefit most from a mom who is more calm, and not so unhappy. and for your dd imo it would be better for her to have a happy mummy than a milk source who cries all thetime. (sorry i dont meant it to sound so harsh)

there are anti depressants that you can take whilst pregnant, so im sure you can take them whilst breastfeeding. however if you dont want to take them, then i will suggest you get your bodies natural endorphins to work. so stickk the baby in a pushchair and go for a long walk everyday. the excercise will get the natural opiates going, and the end result should be you feeling calmer/happier.

let us know how you get on.

what part of the country are you in, there are loads of support groups around.

romi
Start with the most important, you and dd, if you're bad dd suffers. Family should be helping you, not you worrying about them. Looking at housework will just put you further in it, so leave it and get out for a bit. I used to walk for miles round and round village, feed the ducks etc, with ds in his pushchair just to get out. Used to bump into plenty of people who would happily talk about nothing. Whatever you have to do, it will pass, keep chatting on here as I know that helps, just focus on the things you know you have to do, thats for you and dd, the rest will come together. best wishes.

Hi Romi, just wondering how you are today?

Btw just re read your first post and i'm sorry you feel embarressed and ashamed, why do you feel this way? Its really not your fault you are depressed therefore you don't need to be feeling ashamed at all but I know with the depression it can make you feel like this - I did too!!!!!

Please feel free to post your thoughts, there are always people willing to listen and I promise I found that the biggest therapy! opening up and writing my thoughts down and overloading a little.

Sax xxx

bump

thanks a lot every one for your positive and encouraging messages.
I would have replied earlier but have been out yesterday and today with dh and kids-it has made a difference not being in the house all the time.
I am glad to know there are some AD,s u can take when B,fding and am going to ask my gp this week.
I have tried prozac and seroxat before but had side effects that were unpleasant so i am reluctanct to try those again but i will have a chat to gp.
Me and dh have talked and he feels it would be better for me to stop feeding dd and concentrate on getting myself better.
I feel really bad about that as i did want to feed her till she,s 2 but i have to get myself sorted out first and she can have vitamin drops if i stop feeding her- the dietician has told me that before.
I live in the north of england, someone mentioned support groups-dont think im up to that yet will just continue to post on here for time being.
Once again thanks for all your messages it really helps to talk to people who have been through the same

Hi Romi,

Good to hear from you again and I think its probably the right decision to think of yourself right now first and foremost.
Yes post away, I found this the most supportive forum when I was at my lowest with people who truely care and are willing to listen"

Take care and let us know how you are going and what is decided between yourself and your gp regarding your ADs.

Here and listening Romi

Sax xx

DH has suggested that i go away this weekend to a nice hotel with a spa and swimming pool to have a rest away from the kids.
He says he would enjoy it too felt when i heard him say that !
Have to remember it is not easy for him to watch the person he loves fade away into misery and tears all the time.
Dont know about the weekend away cos i feel guilty AGAIN, its stupid i know but i just think if im not here to look after the kids something might happen and i dont know why i think that cos DH is a wonderful father and husband it must be the PND making me feel like that i suppose

Well I would take the opportunity if possible to have a break, it sounds like dh is thinking of you and how to help you and a break is always good to get away for a short time.
I think it is good you say you are crying, its a good release of emotions although I appreciate you probably feel twice as worse just after but really you are expressing yourself and not keeping it all in which can only be a good thing.

Try to consider the small break if poss and like you say I'm sure Dh is finding it hard not feeling like he knows how to support you fully but his suggestion is his way of helping! I hope you think about it and like you say you know the children will be alright.

Yes I think the way you are feeling is totally PND related and how it distorts reality and rational thoughts. I think its brilliant you have recognised this, you sound like you are trying to fathom it out when really you know the answers however confusing they may seem.

Keep us informed and I think you are actually doing really really well, hang in there!

Sax xx

sax,
i saw something in a thread a few weeks ago for PND. It was something called flyawaylady or similar about getting your house in order do u know what it is so i can have a look
TIA

Hey Romi, no sorry I have no idea about flyawaylady, maybe someone else reading can help you there?!!! I will just reiterate the house is really not something to stress about right now though, it can wait til you are feeling more on top of things!
Sax xx

i went to see GP this afternoon.
She has prescribed zoloft for my PND, am to take 1 every night for 7 days and then 2 every night after then.
Felt better talking to her and also my HV came round to see me for an hour.
She has got me some help from social services, a lady is coming to see me on 22 sep, i can have help a few hours a week with shopping and whatever and HV also said i can have paid child care for dd as i cant cope with her at the moment.
HV said i have done really well considering dd is 17months, DS has ASD and i havent had any medication yet so that made me feel a bit better.
Dont think i will go away this weekend though, just thinking about it sends me into a major panic attack, perhaps thats something i will do once the AD,s have kicked in.
GP said they should start to work in 2 weeks-hope so!

Romi, really good luck, so glad you're finding the help you need. IMO it's a very sensible idea to wait until you have settled into the ADs before your trip away, because of possibility of side effects. You may not get any, or the s/e may be minor, but it's probably wise to keep things as calm as possible for the next fortnight or so.

You did amazingly well to b/f till 17 mths, especially with everything else on your plate. Wow. I wish you had been given better advice from your GP though, as I b/f while taking dothiapin/dosulepin for PND.
Enjoy your weekend off when it comes. You will start to feel better soon.

Hi Romi,

Well done you, you've done ever so well today. Wow speaking to the gp, hv and having got some results, gosh I am in full admiration for how you have done.
It sounds like the team there are with you all the way and going to help you through this.
It can seem pretty overwhelming sometimes caring for the children especially with ds being ASD. How old is Ds and when was he diagnosed?

My Ds1 is ASD also, is he high functioning, how does this affect you at the moment?

Just interested in you Romi please feel free to only answer what you wish to though, I am not prying just its good to offload sometimes!!!!

Sax xx

Hi Romi, sorry you are feeling bad - haven't got any magic words of wisdom but I do know about Fly Lady because someone on mumsnet kindly told me about it three or so years ago when i was very desperate! going to try and do proper link. have a look at this .
I agree that you mustn't feel guilty about the mess but i always feel much worse when house is a tip (ie most of the time!!) Sometimes some really happy and loud music helps me get started on tidying. sorry if this seems glib x
I really hope you feel better soon and do go away for a treat, even if its somewhere near and just overnight.

thanks keziah for the link ive joined it! i too feel better when i can keep to my routine but accept that my routine has been OTT and i need to "chill" regarding that hopefully flylady will help with that.
Sax my DS is 8 almost 9 and he was diagnosed in april of this year, he was dx,d by 2 psychologists and today there has been a meeting about him to get him referred onto the specialist unit at our local hospital, will find out on thursday what happens next.
DS is high functioning but is hard work as u will know with your ds, he has tantrums like a toddler,will only eat certain things on certain days etc etc. I am hoping that the hospital will teach me and DH how to handle his tantrums as we dont really know what to do other than shouting at him which doesnt work.
What happened when your ds was dx,d did u and your DH get help with him and how long did it take?
thanks for your messages of support they really help

Hey Romi, my ds1 is nearly 5 and was dx in April this year as well, He is HF and we had a fantastic nursery which he went to which certainly knew just how to handle him. He starts school full time on Thursday so that will be our next challenge.
Er as for help, well not really, the best support I got was from a website where we all support each other. I actually found the whole experience of dx rather overwhelming with ppl ringing from different agencies etc and me not having a clue who they were etc. all around the time my depression was dx as well!!!

Btw have you applied for DLA? I do hope so and if refused I hope you appealed - I can help there if you need any!

Does ds have a statement? we are going to reapply having been refused - is the school supporting you or being obstructive against the dx?

I really hope you don't mind all these questions?!

Sax xx

we have applied for dla havent heard anything yet.

As regards the statement, i have seen this before in Mnet but unsure of what it is, do u mean where the hospital tell the school where your childs strenghts weaknesses are cos i think the hospital has written to the head teacher but she hasnt said anything.

Romi,

No the statement is applied for via the Educational Psychologist and is a statement of needs within the schooling system!! Has Ds seen the EP yet? She will explain more about this!

If you get refused the DLA please let me know, I had loads of help regarding the appeal letter and ours was overturned immediately (i don't think my form was ever read in the first place we heard so quickly).

Look forward to your continued posts, I know this should be more about you but just trying to help and talk about things which maybe affecting how you are feeling atm!

Sax xx

no we havent got that far yt.

Ds was seen by 2 child psychologists earlier this year who said he is AS/ASD.
Have an appointment tomorrow with them to discuss him being referred for further assesment.
They said on the phone that the assesment is quite a thorough one and can take some time.
School wont give any extra help until he has been through the asessment.
I posted a while ago on this cos i wondered if we have been told by 2 psychologists that ds has austim do the rest eg the paed etc agree or could they say no and then al this worry could have been for nothing?
Also they have done the IQ tests on him and he scored very highly and they have said in their report that they think he is on the spectrum.

On another note i have taken my AD,s and i am feeling very shaky and a bit out of it at the moment and am also struggling to get any sleep, is this normal and will it pass do you know?

Yes Romi, its all normal at the beginning when taking ADs. I also felt very spaced out (which wasn't unpleasant just a little detached) and also a little nauseous and yes the sleep deprivation too! However, most of those passed pretty quickly and things did settle down a bit albeit the sleeping or lack of should I say took some time!

I'm really glad you are giving them a go, I just know they were right for me (now ) but I appreciate that can be hard to admit!

You seem to be doing ever so well, keep posting Romi!

Sax xx

hello sax thanks for your messages of support.

The AD,s have kicked in properly now! i am no longer stressing and obsessed with housework although i do like to give downstairs a good clean at the end of the day which is minor compared to what i was doing!

The GP has put me on 50mg of zoloft a day but to increase it to 100mg next week.
I dont know if i want to be taking that much-i dont want to be too spaced out, now i am calm but still "with it" if u know what i mean.

I dont really know much about AD,s but someone mentioned on here that they were on 20mg.
Do u know anything about doses?
Obvisouly i will have to talk to my GP but it helps if i know what im going in to talk about rather than being fobbed off by her.
Thanks