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Mental health

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Flip

Original poster

Why does everyone else seem to beable to talk to other people and I end up the loner, again...

18 replies

MunchMummy · 08/10/2010 16:30

Its happened to me all my life, now with DD1 just started school its happening in the playground. All the other mums/dads seem to beable to strike up conversations with other people, I'm just an oddball who never manages to make proper friends with anyone.

Does anyone know where I'm coming from?

OP posts:

BookcaseFullofBooks · 08/10/2010 16:33

I know where you're coming from. I'm afraid I don't have any advice but I hope it helps to know you're not alone x

Coca · 08/10/2010 16:34

I have the same problem MM, I have to try and remind myself that half the playground is probably feeling like that too.

Original poster

MunchMummy · 08/10/2010 16:34

I've also started helping out at our local playgroup, but I'm finding all the other helpers clique together, so I just head off and play with DD2 when all the setting out is done etc. They only want me because I do the craft.

Oh I feel shit today.

OP posts:

Coca · 08/10/2010 16:40

I'm sorry you are feeling like this, you just have to keep smiling and you will click with someone soon. I have a tendancy to come across aloof and snooty because I'm shy which doesn't exactly help! Think about the sort of person you would like to talk to...someone happy and friendly and try to convey those qualities. Not many people will make a beeline for the Mum who avoids eye contact and only seems interested in her dd (iyswim)

pagwatch · 08/10/2010 16:41

I know what you mean. I get incredibly shy and like people are wishing I would fuck off.

What I have learnt to do is always have a whole host of questions at my finger tips.
I have learntthat the people you like are often the ones who send you signals thatthey like you.
When we are doubting ourselves we unwittingly go into conversations with out focus inwards IYSWIM
I think that probably feels akward to be around, so people drift off.

Try having aload of banal banter at your finger tips - you know the stuff people on here moan about as being dull , like what did you are /are you doing at the weekend, isn't your DD/DS getting big now /like their brother / like you.. how is she /he enjoying the new teacher... How are you finding the homework this year... you look nice, are you going out after drop off... how is your work...

just shit But about them. It takes the focus off you and they relax abit.

just don't come across as johnnie Stalker

But yes. I think we all feel less interesting than others and somewhat friendless

Coca · 08/10/2010 16:41

That was meant to come out nicer than it did

AliceInHerPartyDress · 08/10/2010 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BookcaseFullofBooks · 08/10/2010 17:14

I often feel that I have nothing worth saying, even on here. But I force myself to challenge those feelings and am sometimes surprised by the response I get from people.

Coca · 08/10/2010 17:22

MM I found that by inviting dds' friends for tea got me on "speaking terms" with a few of the mums, maybe you could try that?

Original poster

MunchMummy · 08/10/2010 21:04

Thanks everyone. I was crying too much over your messages earlier to reply. DDs have now gone to bed, I've had a drink and I will be a better mum tomorrow.

Thanks again everyone.

OP posts:

Coca · 08/10/2010 21:06

Oh MM I'm so sorry you feel so low. Please keep coming here someone better than me will be able to cheer you up!

CheerfulYank · 08/10/2010 21:43

Oh honey! I was feeling like this the other day. I've called this mom to hang out a few times and it's gone well but she's never called me so I feel like, "is she just coming over when I ask to be polite?" Then I realized it's probably just that she has 2 DC, is pregnant, and homeschools. She's a busy lady! :) We all feel like that from time to time though. I second what Coca said, could you ask some of the more friendlier ones over for a playdate? (For lack of a better word?)

headinhands · 08/10/2010 21:51

Munch - You're not an oddball. You're probably just more insular than most, like me. It's just perseverance. You just have to keep sidling up to the same people and hey presto. But you're not an oddball :D x

Original poster

MunchMummy · 10/10/2010 19:54

Thanks everyone. 2 days later I've cheered up and bit and am ready to face the playground tomorrow morning.

Thanks for all your wise words, I'll try and implement them this week and see how far I get.....

OP posts:

AliceInHerPartyDress · 10/10/2010 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ByWhoseStandards · 11/10/2010 16:32

MunchMummy also remember that surfaces can be deceptive.

I am a naturally sociable person but also very insecure since having PND - I find myself laughing and chatting because I like people but afterwards worry that I've talked too much, that I said the wrong things, that nobody likes me but they're just being nice.

If someone seems a bit off with me I really worry about it even though I know that it could be any number of reasons.

But none of that shows on the surface - I've been told I seem confident and have good social skills but actually I am a neurotic wreck and really paranoid!

I reckon most people are a bit shy and insecure really though, it just shows more with some people than others. I would probably think you're an interesting person who's too cool to talk to scruffy chattery old me

callista · 11/10/2010 16:48

Munch, I am much like that too, and have found it hard to make close friends since moving over four years ago!

I play in a sports team so I have lots of acquaintances and several sort-of-friends, none of whom are really close. Not really sure what I'm doing wrong, but I think I just need to try harder.

Like pag said - the thing that seems to be really effective is to be the person who asks lots of questions, but listens to the answers and can remember the details from one meet to the next. I'm rubbish at this but have noticed a few shy people who have used this effectively on me .

^If someone seems a bit off with me I really worry about it even though I know that it could be any number of reasons.

But none of that shows on the surface - I've been told I seem confident and have good social skills but actually I am a neurotic wreck and really paranoid!^

bywhose - that's me exactly. I can't believe I still feel like this as a grown up! Am trying to relax a bit and just get over the fact that people won't always like me.

loveydovey · 15/10/2010 21:17

This is me also,
I find new people I meet around my social circle expect me to be this crazy, funny, happy and a chatty social butterfly I think i disapoint. I feel like my personality has gone and withered I cant be bothered anymore.

I feel like I make people feel awkward, but I always have a crowd around me and I am percieved to be ''popular''.

I have tried the asking questions and showing an interest but I just end up listening to other peoples crap all the time as I feel I have nothing noone is interested in.

MM I think everyone feels this way?

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