Feel really shit, couldn't take DS1 to school

[tutu100]

I have panic attacks and agraphobia. One of my parents comes everyday to take ds1 to school with me. Last week I only took ds1 twice. This morning I promised him I'd take him, but felt so edgy. Got about 20 metres down the road and just couldn't go any further. My DM has taken him and I came back home with ds2.

Ds1 hates school and has real problems settling (the school knows he struggles-he may have some form of ASD). I feel so crap now. I promised him I take him. He cried when I said I had to go home. I just feel worse tha ever. Thought I was doing better, but the last couple of weeks have really gone backwards.

Just needed to get this off my chest. I have very helpful family, but I think they are fed up of me. My Mum keeps saying this has gone on long enough now and I just need to push through it (she's trying to be helpful- not nasty), but it's just so hard.

Why don't you try taking him to school with your mum for a few days, see if that helps?

Could you try setting different targets - maybe you are moving too quickly - maybe if the target was to go to the corner before the school with your parent and DS and there was no expectation that you would go to the school then that might be easier?

You could aim to do that for a week and then aim to go to the school itself.

You have to do it gradually and take baby steps but eventually you just have to go through it to get over it. Agree that you go with someone at first. It will become normal, but its a slow process.

I would get some other help too. CBT and hypnotherapy, yoga, rescue remedy etc are helpful.

I have agoraphobia and panic attacks too. Ive had online CBT and have just started intensive therapy for my anxiety. I know what you are going through, i do. The way forward is to realise that the most important thing you can do is get your DC to school. The desire to do this for him needs to come first. The only reason im not housebound (i came very very close after having DD2 9 months ago) is because i have 2 DD's and simply can't stay indoors. Nor do i want to! So i get annoyed with this anxiety, and i promise myself that my DD's are more important and i WILL get through it, for them.

I know its hard, it is absolutely awful to spend each and every day shaking and panicking about leaving the house. You just have to push through it, keep moving forwards, keep repeating to yourself that it is your own thoughts that are building the panic and if you stop in the street, take a deep breath in and let it out while totally relaxing your body, you will see that YOU are in control. I do this now in supermarkets or wherever i am. When it feels like i can't go another step, i stop, take a deep breath and kind of slump my body iykwim. I try to forget where i am and just relax. The reason you feel you can't go another step is because you are locked in the cycle of panic, your thoughts make your feelings more intense which make your thoughts even more negative and you feel worse etc etc. Just think to yourself that it is only a physical feeling, try to distract yourself and your thoughts.

It is so hard, i feel for you having to go through this. I hope ive helped a little? Im battling it too but feel im winning now, nothing stops me going out although i sometimes do struggle while out. I hope this makes sense. Im still very much in the fog of anxiety but getting there.

Keep going, you can do it. You can.

Also realise that to be feeling like you are having a setback, must mean that you HAVE been getting better! :) It is up and down, thats how anxiety goes, good days/bad days..just try to focus on what you have achieved. You left the house to go to school, well done :) You could try to get a little further tomorrow. Write down little things that you achieve then read over them in the evening. Beating yourself up for having anxiety just makes the anxiety worse.

Look at the website www.livinglifetothefull.com it is an online CBT course.

You could also ask the doctor to give you some propanalol for anxiety. Its not addictive and you could take one before you leave the house

Another tip is make sure you have something to eat but avoid sugar and caffeine.

Thank you all for your comments. I guess the thing that upset me so much today is how upset ds1 was when he realised I wasn't going to be taking him, but my Mum said he was fine by the time she got him to school.

I have been seeing a pyschiatrist for the past few months. I have suffered anxiety/depression/panic attacks for the last 17 years since my early teens. This bout was caused by PND I developed following ds2's birth 22 months ago. It has taken me a long time just to get to the stage I am now (I couldn't leave the house at one point and would have panic attacks at home if left on my own with the children).

The pyschatrist doesn't think I need medication as she thinks that would become a safety behaviour and she is really working at getting me to drop my safety behaviours.

I think the main thing I need to focus on as many of you have said is that I really do have to take baby steps. I am trying to rush what I do as I just desperatly want to be a normal mum. I need to focus on every small improvement no matter how tiny.

On a more positive note I felt really down and depressed all morning, but managed to go to my support group this afternoon and stayed for the whole of it, this was after feeling that I wouldn't be able to cope and would have to get my mum to come back and get me early.

My DF is coming tomorrow to get ds1 to school so I am going to try and be positive and try again tomorrow and think that even if I don't make it as far as school as long as I get further than I did today then that is an improvement.

Hi Tutu,

We are really quite similar! Ive had this for 17 years too, mine started age 7ish! Mine became more severe agoraphobia after the birth of DD2 9 months ago.

Sounds like you are doing really well with your psychiatrist, keep going you will get there! I can relate to trying to rush what you do because you just want to be a normal mum :(

Great to hear you went to your support group and stayed!! Well done! Focus on that achievement. How did you do this morning?
Keep posting here if it helps! :)

Tutu, I really feel for you - I have the same problem . I'm actually okay doing the morning run but have to go in the car as I know if I walked the short distance I would panic and turn back. I am rubbish at collecting as you have to wait around for them to come out so I do rely on family to pick him up. Sooo frustrating

I should probably have put in my post that I only live around 500 yards from the school, so I'm not talking about being that far away from home. I still move our car though down by the school in the mornings (and then walk home and take ds1 to school an hr later). I feel a bit better doing this as I think of the car as being a home away from home. It sound so silly moving the car such a short distance. I can't drive the dc's to school as leaving later would mean I wouldn't get a parking space.

I managed to take ds1 to school with my DF this morning, but couldn't go all the way and get him this afternoon. My DF went and picked him up and I met them on the way back.

Thanks all for your replies. Whilst I wouldn't want anyone to feel the way I feel it is nice to know that I'm not alone in how I feel. That has been a great support.

Yep, i often struggle with going anywhere out of the house, even if it is just round the corner so i know what you mean. I drive DD to school (25 min walk) and have to leave early in order to get a space. Then wait in the car, full of nerves but better than waiting so long in the playground. I used to wait in the car until the school ell went but now i leave the car 10 mins before bell rings so i can have a catch up with the mums. :) I always leave the house early because i need to park close by incase im really panicking in the playground. Not so much of a trek back to car with legs like jelly then :)

Well done for getting to school yesterday! And you met them on way back, thats really good you know, the more you get yourself out there the easier it gets, honestly. I never thought i would be standing in the playground chatting to the mums. It is really really awful isn't it.

Keep posting on your progress if it helps. One of the main things that has helped me so much is to know that im not alone with this.

Tutu well done for managing it yesterday morning - recognise that you acheived that and don't focus on when you haven't felt well enough to do it.

Keep going

Yes tutu, focus on the positive, you got so far, hopefully today you went just as far or even further. Take it slowly, you will get there.