Am I depressed? What's wrong with me?

[MrsMilliband]

On one hand I sometimes think I have a lot on my plate. On the other hand, I see people with much worse problems than me getting on much better than me. Am I depressed? Or just a bit of a weak person, lacking in the necessary stamina for life?

Trying to be brief - I am struggling with feelings of anxiety and just wanting to hide from my responsibilities. I have always had these tendencies if I am honest, and they flare up at times in my life when I have a lot on my plate, but now I am in my mid thirties and have children and life is serious, I am just SICK to death of feeling so feeble and not being able to cope with things without feeling totally wrecked with stress.

Nobody really knows the extent of how bad I feel inside sometimes . I am not suicidal or anything like that, but I have a strong, 'together' front which everyone sees, and then there is the real me inside who feels sick with anxiety and nerves almost every day.

This year I have had various family problems, health problems and am trying to juggle a full time and very intensive course of study with being a mum to two under five. It has been a tough year. But increasingly, I realise that it is just one thing after another with me. I just seem to be turning into someone I hate - a 'drama queen', someone who is always having crises and reasons for feeling unwell or tired or not coping, and I am starting to feel really down about it.

I don't know if I am even making sense.

I have had psycho-dynamic counselling and taken Prozac in the past (had PND after birth of first child) and neither helped an iota, by the way

You are making perfect sense, to someone who has suffered from clinical anxiety.

Why not go and visit your GP.

You know you can't really tell how other people are coping, as you say nobody knows how you feel inside.

I felt as you do at one point, after a lot of health scares within the family, some that ended well others that didn't.

I felt it was normal for me to feel that way as the things I was stressed about were real.
After seeing the Dr I realised they were very extreme reactions. I had a course of Ads, and am now much better.

Do you have someone in RL you can talk to, it can help put things into perspective.

Hi annapolly. Thanks for your reply.

I do have a fantastically supportive husband, mum and sister and a couple of good, close friends, but to be honest, I feel like I am stretching their sympathy and support to breaking point.

I had PND after the birth of my first child five years ago which required huge amounts of support from my DH and family. Then I had a very bad second pregnancy and was seriously ill (although no PND, thankfully), which required lots of help and support again. This year has been a stressful year for my whole family and I just feel terrible about adding yet more burdens to my family's already heavily laden plate

I just feel self indulgent maundering on endlessly about how terrible I feel.

I have toyed with the idea of going to see my GP recently. Maybe I should do it. I just hate the idea of medication, as Prozac made me feel total;ly spaced out and detached.

Hello MrsM

I'm sorry that you're feeling like this.

It might be a good idea to go back to your GP. Anti-depressants are highly unlikely to work if taken in isoaltion- you to work out new ways of thinking/ judging perspective etc, and if you are experiencing anxiety/ nerves then a different type of therapy might be more helpful e.g. CBT.

Everyone else might seem to be better off, coping better with harder things etc but so what they are OTHER PEOPLE, you are you so why would you cope and do things/ feel things the same as other people? Don't feel guilt about how you feel, they are your feelings and you are entitled to them.

What's really positive is that you have acknowledged that they aren't helpful thoughts/ feelings and you want to make some changes- good on you :)