I have to get this off my chest.
I am a bag of nerves and anxiety and I can't seem to actually shut my head up IYSWIM>
I had my 2nd DC over 9 months ago. I feel like my head is going to explode.
Basically my noisy head is telling me the future is bleak and scary and there's nowhere to go from here and nothing to look forward to.
Im 34, a SAHM, married to a lovely DH, Have a 3yr old DS, a 9 month old DD.
We are in the process of having a family home built have (on paper) lots to look forward to.
I am terrified, actually living in dread and fear of the future 
.
Im terrified of DC's growing up, especially uber cute 9 month old DD. Me aging. My mum dying, me dying, everybody dying!!
Im terrified of cancer. I had melignant melenoma 7.5 years ago and was cured at the time as it was early but i sit waiting for the doc to tell me I have untreatable cancer and X amount of time left.
I go through the whole scenario, the prognosis, the treatment, the tears the knowing im dying and leaving my babies and DH. It makes me feel like im physically going through it.
I then fear that I imagine it that much im going to actually make myself ill or almost will it to happen. It feels like it's actually when and not if.
Brace yourself for the really crackers stuff...
I can't see how anything could possibly be good about us all getting older and not having babies anymore?
Will I love/enjoy them the same when they are older children/teenagers. How can it possibly be the same as seeing my DS running at me, arms wide in the nursery playground, or my beautiful DD smiling and showing off her new waving technique?!
How can me getting more lines and sagging and slowing be in anyway good? Or knowing we are at 'that age' when you worry about heart attacks and cancer (as if im not covering that now).
It's like my head stops me enjoying what should be the happiest time of my life.
I have a lovely day with my family and im in knots inside almost trying to burn the memory into my head as if someone might snatch them all away from me.
Imagining what it will be like not to have this anymore.
My parents were really negative people who told me endlessley that 'life is short'. I was always the sane one in the family (i know) and now id 'negative' them all under the table.
What can I do to stop these stupid thoughts ruining the present time and sending me kicking and screaming into the future?
I am indeed a lune!