How do I stop myself feeling jealous/envious of others?

[Wishingaway]

I grew up in a poor family where my father drank and gambled. As a result I have some anxiety.

I have a good relationship with a lovely man, we have two lovely sons, a nice house, no financial worries etc. Considering where I've come from everything I have is beyond anything I could have dreamed of. However, I find myself constantly envious of other people, their relationships, friendships, possessions, lifestyles etc.

A few days ago I broke down in tears because my MIL was telling me about my SIL. Friends have given her loads of clothing/toys for her baby girl. I feel upset because she's had a girl which is what I wanted. I feel upset because she has so many friends who have given her gifts. Another relative on MIL's side has had a baby and been visited/looked after by her extended family. I feel jealous because of her supportive extended family. I feel envious of other people because they seem "at ease" with life, making friends etc. For me it's always been a struggle.

When I think rationally I know I'm being unrealistic. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. For example I'm envious of a friend for her ability to travel wherever/whenever she wants but conveniently forget that what she really wants is children.

How do I change my mindset. I feel as if I'm in a self destructive cycle and I don't know how to break out. How do I increase my feeling of self worth and live my own life so I'm not so obsessed with what other people have?

Hi
I think it's only natural to have some feelings of envy about others but the important thing is to not let it take over your life.
Count your blessings everyday. For example you have two lovely sons, there are people out there desperate for children who may never get them.
Yes there will always be people better off and worse off than you so don't let it be more than a fleeting thought.
I too look around sometimes and think gosh such and such has such a big supportive family and I hardly have any, but then I think well that's just how it is. I can't magic people from nowhere. So I try and be grateful for the little family that I do have.

I think I can put perspective on this a little and hopefully it will be helpful.

Ok, here is my life from outsiders looking in...

I have a 3 year old DS and a 9 month old DD.
A very loving husband with a succesful business and no money worries.

We are building a big family home 30 mins away in a conservation area. Very exciting you'd say.

I have both our parents within a mile of me, infact my mum is round the corner.

I suffer horrendous anxiety (not great childhood either). Everyday I go around with the world on my shoulders and I can hardly enjoy my new baby because im terrified of her growing up or suddenly something happening to either of them.

Im never relaxed or content. Im fighting back tears alot.

Nobody else apart from DH knows this.

To others im cheery and upbeat and im told regularly by friends "do you know how lucky you are"? Usually regarding how nice my DH is or how lovely our many homes have been etc

I smile and say yes I do. I do, on paper realise just how spoilt and lucky I am. Infact I feel I don't deserve it and am waiting for the day it is all taken awy from me. Not the money, I couldn't care a jot. My DH and my DC's.

As for parents near by. Im too anxious to leave them with in laws. They are a bit, well, another day!!

My mum smokes so I hate leaving them with her - im nuts!

If you knew me you'd add me to your envy list - and you'd be wasting your time!

I bet you'd find you will be with most people.

Forget looking into ohters life, you can't.
xx

Hello OP, I'm so sorry you're suffering.

This is something that cognitive behaviour therapy would really help with - your 'self-talk' is dictating your mood, which is feeding how you perceive yourself, and further altering your mood - vicious circle.

cbt can help you break that cycle and catch the behaviours and thinking patterns that make you feel like this.

Good advice aegeansky, Im going to do it myself after lots of moaning on here last night.

I think all the anxiety threads are worth reaing as I just started looking last night and it's helped loads.

I now understand my thoughts are intrusive thoughts and everyone's are different.

Your's op, is the envious thoughts. Mine are related to people/me dying or bad things happening and fear of the future.
Another poor girl was fear of aliens and zombies (she was completely sane) but these intrusive thoughts were related to her anxiety.

I now feel better about why im having these stupid thoughts and that I can get help to stop them entering my head all day.
I hope you try it too, good luck xx

Hi there,

I know how you feel,

Im a mother of 3 beautiful children but I am an absolute nightmare for jealousy...

Its horrible, I feel envious of others if I think the grass is greener on the other side, but I remind myself... People put on a front most of the time so are their lives really all that rosy?

I know its hard especially if you have a MIL bragging in your ear about how fantastic this and that is, but maybe she brags to her daughter about how fab your little boys are?

Try not to let the envy take over your life and focus on what matters :-) x