Daughter seriously depressed - please help

[marymungomidge]

Can anyone help? My daughter and I have had some major difficulties over the last few years - several moves and changes of school/job, divorce, illness etc - and she has become very depressed as a result. This evening she has made it clear she doesn't want to go back to school - she's 15. She's very bright and has friends but she is very unhappy as a result of all the upheaval we've had. I have panic attacks and paranoia myself and worry that I am damaging her. She has a counsellor and that seemed to help for a while, but she's suddenly got much worse. Should I keep her off school for a while? I am a single parent and it would be difficult to stop work to be with her during the day. Am I over-reacting (maybe out of paranoia)? I am panicking about all this and can't think straight and I feel I have let her down very badly

I think you both need to see your GP as soon as possible. Ring them first thing and make it clear that it is an emergency.
The thing about depression is that you can't manage or fix it on your own.

Thanks, I will. This is a bit unbearable and I can't think what to do for the best. I don't think I trust my own judgement.

Agree with YeahButt. GP would be the best starting point.
[also marking place on thread incase I can be more use later on]

Thank you. I am afraid of what is going to happen - I can't stop work but I am so worried about my daughter and feel so incredibly sad and guilty that she is so unhappy. I'm trying to pull myself together a bit so that I can at least seem ok for her in the morning but I daren't go to bed because of the panic attacks.

Try not to be afraid. Once you've got your GP involved, someone else will share your burden. When I had severe PND, the relief I felt once I had just made the appointment was immense. I wasn't on my own. You're not on your own either.

Thanks for the encouragement and support. My GP does know I have panic attacks etc, but I think we do both need to go and talk to him. So far I haven't missed any work, and I am worried about what might happen if I have to do this, so I have tried to keep going. I'm also concerned about what a diagnosis of depression and/or time out of school will do to my daughter's prospects of uni / a career, but I guess we're getting to the point where we just can't carry on. I worry that I will make the wrong decisions and make things worse for her than they already are - poor decisions on my part have already caused her a lot of unhappiness.

The best thing you can do for her is share the burdon and seek medical help.

It won't affect future career/University if she seeks help with her mental health. tbh, dealing with it now would be better for her long term prospects.

You're doing the best thing for her by helping her get help. xx she's very lucky to have you

Yes, I see what you mean about getting help for her now. Thanks for the kind words too! She is such a lovely, brave girl and I am so worried. I have bouts of pare paranoia where I think she would be better off without me, but then that ebbs and I know that she wouldn't (my own father killed himself so I know it's not great for those left)

Please try and ignore the feelings that say she'd be better off without you. they are WRONG and a horrible symptom of your paranoia/illness (I have anxiety related depression so I do understand a bit)

Apologies in advance for the anecdotal story but:
I had a friend at school called Millie, She had something horrible happen to her as a child (I still don't know what) but she went from being able to deal with it to being a reclusive mess (about 15 IIRC) She kept the details to herself (never told her best friends, never mind her parents) and suffered far too bloody much. Even her own Sister didn'n't know how unhappy she was.

Sorry for the sad story - I'm just trying to illustrate how so many teens can't talk to their Mum about these things, and trying to reiterate how important it is that she has you to lean on x

Thanks for the support. I'm taking her to the GP this afternoon and will go in and talk to her form tutor at school. I'm trying to arrange a bit of time off from work till we've got through the next few days. Thanks for all your help.