Think my friend has PND - how should I bring subject up?

[mamaoftwo]

Subject line says it all really.

I am very worried about her. She is avoiding company which makes it even more difficult to say anything. She used to be so outgoing but now stays at home all day with the children counting the hours until bedtime.

Thanks.

go to see her. How old are her children? you could point out how much they will benefit from a park meetup

Thanks Colditz. We were supposed to all be going to the park today but she cancelled. She not asked me round for weeks and doesn't want to come to mine. Don't want to just turn up on her doorstep as my children are quite a handful which may make things worse for her. I've suggested a girls night out but she wont come...

Don you know who her health visitor is? Could you have a chat to her, then she could maybe give her a ring using some excuse, then maybe she would either open up or hv if she worth her salt will put two and two together. May be worth a shot.

Is there any chance you could offer to take the kids out for a bit?
It may give her a much needed break, and then, later, the opportunity to talk to someone.

Bludgeon your way round there after kids are in bed (well, give her warning you're going to do this), say you miss her, no big deal, one-hour visit, will bring takeaway etc. Then just see if she will talk?

If you really feel she's not right, please, mention it to her. It will probably be horrid, but you may make a huge difference to her life. Several friends of mine have said they suspected I had PND after child no1. Umm, thanks, but no one mentioned it at the time, and I went on to have a huge crash with no2.

Can I second the sledge hammer approach - wrapped in cotton wool of course . I had PND for the first 18mths of DS life and have just crashed again - he's 2.3yrs, and my sister in law and a friend announched last weekend that they had discussed it and knew I had PND! - thanks didn't help me any and me and mine have had a crap 18mths as a result of the PND. I do understand their reservations for not being too heavy handed about it and appreciate why - but still there are ways of telling things.

What about getting hold of PND information and posting through her door with a contact phone number for the local support group? can then be anonymous if you wanted it to be.

Can you talk to her DH/P if that's appropriate?

Turning on the door step with a take away once the children are in bed is an excellent idea .

My problem was that my head was focused on one thing - BFing was hell and everything everyone was telling me I only related to that and not the fact that how I was feeling 'in general' wasn't right either. In fact I didn't have the space to even think about how I was feeling in general.

You're friend is very lucky to have you being concerned about her. I hope that you are able get to see her.

Take care
H x

Thanks everonwe for your advice. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation H. I do hope you are getting some support now.

I think I may know what triggered it for my friend - probably becuase I think I got very close to it after each of my children, and I can sympathise completely. the problem is I just don't know how she would react if I brought it up. I've tried the round about route so think the sledge hammer approach is the only option left. although I like the idea of the HV.

My last 'subtle' attempt is to call her DP and say I am worried about her. I don't him that well but we work in a similar area so will think of something. I guess he will either agree and say they are dealing with it and are getting help, or that he hasn't 'noticed' as he is too close etc.

THanks everyone I will let you know how things go.

. It is hard to broach a subject like this because you don't know how someone is going to react.

Please let us know how it goes, and I have fingers crossed for you.

h x

mmm not sure about confronting her with it. i had pnd after having ds2 and my friend told me she thought i had it and it really upset me. i felt like a bad mum and her saying made me feel that everyone else could see i was a bad mum too.
i think the idea of popping round with a bottle or a takeawy is good.offer to babysit maybe so she can pop out for an hour etc.

Alexsmum, that's one of the reasons my SIL didn't push it with me, and also not wanting to appear all been there done that know it all, kind of thing - especially as I had very definite ideas about how I would parent, not that I would have seen it that way at all, would have welcomed the interest instead of feeling they were completely disinterested (can't win I know).

If someone had talked to you about how they had felt while having PND do you think that would have made you stop and think about the possibility of you having it?

Just curious what you think.

Take care
H x

maybe harriezb. maybe that would have worked.
the day my friend said it, my mum also said it and told to get to the clinic and talk to the hv.
I did do that and my hv said she didn't think i did have pnd just a natural reaction to a hard time( had lots of probs with feeding, baby had severe eczema,ds1 was practically incontinent at the time). I wish she hadn't said that because with hindsight it is obvious that i did have it. i remember waking up one day and thinking ' i don't feel sad today'. it was like someone flicking a switch- it was definitely hormone/chemical related.
the worse thing for me was the way i felt towards my eldest child- if i could have wished him away i would have, and he has always been my'special'one . very confusing and guilt making.

I know what you mean about wishing your LO away - i remember sitting in the bathroom a thinking how can I put DS away for the moment and then when I have caught my breath and feel able to cope take him back out again - very strange writing it down as it doesn't make sense but it's how I was feeling, and feel now to an extent.

H xx