Bereavement counselling-how do I put everything away ?

[MaryAnnSingleton]

Am seeing a Cruse counsellor to deal with unresolved grief going back many years- there's lots to unravel but it's come to the point where I need to put things away- my counsellor suggests writing a letter/poem but I'm finding this so difficult because it all feels rather forced and I don't want to write anything that isn't from the heart,iyswim. Any ideas ?

First of all sorry to hear of your loss:(

Writing a letter/poem seems a good idea. Do you find it difficult writing your feelings down? or is it more difficult to write to the person that died?

Do you have a memory box you can look through? I have one and find it helps me.

It's good you're having counselling. Sorry I can't help more x

If the idea of a letter seems hard have you thought about simply writing a list of facts connected with the person? Things that happened, that you remember, whatever they are, however important/not important. When a friend of mine died last year I wrote her a letter but that included lots of sentences that were just like 'I remember you wore a grey cardigan when you came back from being out with your MIL' or 'you said you had been cleaning your flat that morning' or similar. Obviously I have no idea of your context but wanted to offer help. Good luck.

thanks both of you - I did try writing stuff down,just things I'd remembered - I guess i need to persevere..it is hard to write my feelings down I think. I need to do some kind of ritual putting away thing too-something symbolic. The Cruse counsellor is lovely- a fantastic organisation.

My hunch is that if it feels forced it is too early to let go, or maybe the wrong thing for you.

could a goodbye ritual help?

are you a nature person? something with stones and water? make a cairn?

creating a paper boat - put something symbolic in it and float it down a stream/river?

I love the idea of a cairn -I may bury something..but yes,it might not be time to do that quite yet- part of me feels that I am taking too long to sort myself out.

MaryAnn I can relate to that - I had to deal with the fallout of child sexual abuse - I was very ill with the post traumatic stress and I had to learn to rely on other people and I was desperate to get better so I would no longer be a burden on others. After 6 months I was desperate to be better....now after 1.5 years I'm getting better but also aware that I stil need support and help from friends and counsellor. These things take their sweet good time and the way to look at it is that this time i want to sort things out, fill al the cracks not wallpaper over them. I don't want to end up in pain or stress again later at the slightest trigger. So take your time.

Given that you're an artist, how about trying to draw/paint something? You may find that images come easier than words.

You can always move onto words afterwards.

thank you madmouse - you are right-it has taken years to end up like this so I guess a long time to straighten things out-I've had so many attempts over the years. And BIWI- my counsellor has suggested drawing or painting but again I can't-I really will try this weekend before i see her again next week.