I want to leave my family behind and 'find myself'

[SwimFat]

I feel like walking out. I constantly wonder if my DS (4yrs old) will be okay with his father. I think about this 80% of the time, and feel like I'll do it tonight. Or I'll leave in the morning. Does anyone else feel like this?

Don't do it. Seek help.

My cousin did this and she has never got over leaving her family. She never got over the guilt. She didn't "find herself" she ended up attempting suicide and is still suffering the consequences.

I hope someone with expertise comes along soon.

I guess we would like to step outside our lives sometimes. The question is what are you hoping to find and what is it about your life right now that you don't like?

Leaving won't necessarily help you "find" yourself

im sure your son would be fine with his father however would he be fine without you?

I would go to the GP and discuss your feelings with him, perhaps discuss this with your dh and other family members.

As in feeling like this yes i have felt like this and so have every single one of my friends, on reflection its when we are least happy with our lives that we feel this way. Walking away would not solve the problem.

Do you think your life will improve if you do walk out? I doubt it. You will probably feel tremendously guilty. But your son will remember it and he will be confused which may affect him for the rest of his life.

Is it possible to go on a holiday by yourself? Maybe a retreat???

Could you write down your feelings or things that you want to change and start working on them one at a time.

I think when you're down it's easy to be sneakily cruel to yourself and get the idea you have to make a huge sacrifice in order to have something you desperately need and deserve, and can only find yourself at a huge cost to yourself and others. You have a right to 'find yourself' if that means feeling comfortable in your own skin and happy with the direction your life is taking. It doesn't have to be at the cost of losing your family and denying your children their mother.

Sounds like you need a break. Lots of women I know take breaks all the time. Off for the weekend with friends, or even off for two week holidays, leaving the dad/granny holding the baby. I used to think they were selfish. Now I htink they're sane. If that's what it takes for them to stay present in their kids lives, why not?

Can you try and give yourself some small breaks rather than desperate measures? And I agree if you feel like this you may need some outside support like counselling. Hope you get the support you need very soon.

Hey Swimfat, I felt like it every day when I couldn't cope with being a single mum :( The reality was though that I chosen to bring my son into this world, and in no way did he deserve me to "abandon" him :( There were months/years when life just kicked me and kicked me, and crushed me until I was almost not there anymore.... I had a breakdown, and I couldn't see the tunnel, let alone the light at the end of it! As it seems you are finding out, motherhood's not all it's cracked up to be....monotonous, exhausting, soul-destroying, and they're just the good days! :) You may have PND, I know I did, and everything looked sooo bleak. You need to go talk to a professional about the way you're feeling, some things we just can't deal with on our own :( You have a responsibility to your child, and btw this feeling doesn't last forever! By the time he/she is 50 you'll have long-forgotten how you're feeling now :) x

Been there too - and actually did it once. Things were very black and I knew for sure that I needed to disappear so that DH could re-marry and DS would have a proper mummy

So maybe the circumstances are different. It was awful though - looking back I'm glad I managed to reach out to a friend who came to find me and I was home again 5 hours later.

Now I'm better I can see it was illness talking. In recent bad patches DS needing me has kept me here.

Instead of running make a bit of space for yourself everyday and get some help. It is worth it.

You can't fin yourself away from your family because they are part of you too.

I can identify with how you feel. I want to leave my family. I'm just so sick of them. I want my old life back when I didn't have to worry about anything.

Yes, take a few days away - no matter what it takes. Call in all or any favours. You need some space.

Yes and i did it

for a year!!!! Worst mistake i ever made

I did find myself but i also lost part of me and dh and i am paying for it now as dd3 has terrible confidence and behaviour problems and i'm sureit stems back to when i left.

I had terrible depression and just ran.....Please go you your gp andget some help. Talk to your dh/family/friends and accept any help offered xxx