Greiving for old life. Normal?

[Pastlife]

For the past few days I have been feeling really emotional and experiencing some sort of grief for the way my life was before ds. He is six months old.

Don't get me wrong. I love him so much and wouldn't change things. He was a wanted baby but the pregnancy wasn't planned and came as a shock to me. Myself and dh have settled into being parents and are coping well. Feeling like this has come as a shock to me and feel guilty.

My life wasn't brilliant before ds. I hated my high pressured job and didn't seem to have any real purpose in life. Ds has given me a purpose and I love being a mum.

I don't miss anything in particular about my old life. Why do I feel like this!

I totally did this too so I guess it is fairly normal.

Mine started pretty much after DS1 was born and pretty much continued until he was 2 months old even though I completely adored DS1 - at that stage he needed a life-saving operation and I suddenly realised how I couldn't live without him and that made me 'get over' my grief iyswim.

Even now (and he is 4 and I also have another DS now) me and DH quite often say 'do you remember when we could lie in bed past 6.30 at weekends', 'sit around the house all Sunday watching football' and so on....but it is now in that wistful way that you fondly remember holidays etc.

Lol ceebee fancy seeing you here.

I think it is normal to grieve when things change. Your life has changed, things are different now, it just takes getting used to. Having a baby is such a life changing shocking event - not necessarily bad but takes so much getting used to. Sometimes I miss the pre DC's day but that doesnt mean I want to leave the DC's.

I always have an overwhelming sense of grief and missing 'something' when the DC's are tiny. I can never pinpoint what it is and its odd because I actually love the newborn stage. I feel very very guilty about it because I have nothing to grieve for or complain about. I miss being pregnant which is just stupid as I hate being pregnant with a passion. My menopausal friend is currently missing her periods

It is a normal part of the process of becoming a mother and finding a new identity, because so much has fundamentally changed but you are still you.

I certainly went through this. I think some people find the transition easier than others for whatever reason. Although, like you I was very happy to be a mum.

For a while it was problematic to me because I felt that I didn't really know who I was any more. The feelings were very intense, and it was around the same time as you (5/6 month mark) which is probably just a delayed reaction because of having been concentrating on the newborn prior to this.

Don't feel guilty. It is just something that you need to go through and I would only worry about it if it goes on for any length of time or the feelings become too intense. Otherwise, just go with it and accept it for what it is.

It took me years to get over this grief and I still have pangs!! To the extent that older friends in their mid-40s without children actually make me feel envious sometimes (though I would obviously never say that...).

I totally did this - I ended up "mourning" for my old life for at least a year after DS1 was born - by which time I was pregnant with DS2!! You get over it eventually, especially if, as you say, your life before wasn't that great. Becoming a mum is a huge shock to the system I think.