pregnant with number 2, i've never felt so depressed. anyone used homeopathic medicine with success?

[peebeeandjay]

I'm only newly pregnant, but I feel like I've been hit by a lorry travelling at 70mph. I'm actually shocked at how low I am, as bad as i've ever been in my entire life.

I do have a history of depression, and had pnd with DC1 - anti-depressants helped with anxiety but completely knocked me for six in other ways, not to mention the one and a half stone weight gain..

So I am not considering ADs during pregnancy. But I do need to talk, and I'm alone at the moment so just need to type this out - I know we're all probably going through some very tough times on here, so feel free to just read.

I feel a sense of utter bereavement for my relationship with DS. Things will never be the same again now that a new one is on the way. My only way of dealing with this pregnancy is to think it's a brother/sister for DS, which is a brilliant and amazing thing. But I feel no joy for the actual pregnancy. I can't even, if you can believe this, be bothered to tell anyone. I'm not excited or happy. Is this ok? Will it ever change? What can I do to make that happen?

I'm so worried that I will be depressed again and have a terrible time during the new baby's early months. I live in a new area and haven't made the support network i thought i would over the past two years - I really thought by now I'd have good friends to rely on. I think pnd stopped me from making a proper effort to make this happen.

I know early pregnancy is a lot to blame for the physical exhaustion, sickness etc - but this goes deeper. I feel like I'm a black, black hole and I feel very lonely. My son keeps watching me crying, and all we have done for a week is watch tv. He needs and deserves a better life than this.

Oh god this is too long - has anyone seen a homeopath to deal with their depression? I have often thought about it - I'm desperate. I should at least try shouldn't i?

Thank you for reading.

Hi peebee, I have no knowledge at all of homeopathy (in fact tend to be a bit sceptical) but I just wanted to say, so sorry you are feeling this low. It's very hard when you feel isolated as well. You may well make friends through this pregnancy, though, or soon afterwards - I found NCT classes, baby groups etc a great way to settle into a new town.

Hope someelse else comes along who can help you more than me...

I would recommend speaking to your go. Antenatal depression is a recognised problem, a number of posters on mn have suffered from it.

No experience myself so sorry I can't help more.

I don't know about medication or anything for this but wanted to offer words of encouragement because I felt exactly the same when I found out I was pregnant with DC2 - didn't feel excited, just sad about the fact that DC1 would no longer be my sole focus, not bothered about telling anyone I was pg, etc etc. I was worried about how I would find enough love for 2. I was worried I wouldn't love DC2 as much as DC1. I just managed to console myself in thinking that I always wanted DC1 to have a sibling, and that was the reason we were having DC2 (don't flame me, DC2 was always planned and wanted 100%, but pregnancy hormones made me need to rationalise it in different ways).

Anyway, as I progressed through the pregnancy, I gradually became used to the idea, but right up to the end, I was dreading going back to the baby stage and mourning my DC1's loss ofbeing the baby.

But seeing the huge smile on DC1's face when she saw DC2 for the first time, and seeing how much love they shares, DC2's HUGE smiles for DC1, makes it all worth the worry. As soon as labour started, my bond with DC2 was solidified. It was our journey, just the 2 of us. And when he was born, I just couldn't have loved him more. And someone said to me when I was in the same black hole that you are in, when you have two, the love doubles. And it's true. I thought I would struggle to find enough love for 2, but actually I have more love now than ever before, and DC1 doesn't see the 'loss' that you are mourning on their behalf - they just see that they have a fab new baby to play with and love, and that really helped me. She was happy, so I was happy.

Sorry for rambling, sleep-deprived, but wanted to let you know that what you are feeling is, in my exp, normal and for me it passed slowly through pregnancy and completely once my baby made his entrance. I'm sure the same will be true for you. Try to find some time each day to reflect and 'talk' just to your new baby. Sounds daft, but stroke your growing bump, talk to it in your head, develop a special relationship just the 2 of your. Then when your older DC is around, enjoy THAT special relationship.

I also read one thing that helped me realise there are ways to cope - it said 'enjoy your new baby in the middle of the night when you are feeding them, and give the rest of your attention to your older child'. Sounds a bit extreme I know, but it helped me to realise that I could prioritise my DC1 even with DC2 around. DC2 initially needed milk, warmth and sleep, with cuddles happening by default when feeding. He didn't need conversation, entertainment, etc. So I saved that energy for DC1 . THat is how I split myself down the middle to start with.

But soon the love just grows and you find your way and you all settle into place. And you will love seeing your DC1 with your new baby. ANd trust me, second babies are soooo much easier, because you know what you are doing and you know there is light at the end of the tunnel. The time flies by, so try to enjoy it.

Hope that helps somewhat! Sorry for rambling.

thank you for this - your replies mean a lot to me.

TheMightyToosh everything you wrote made perfect sense. I've heard others say they worried how they could love two, but then just found the love doubled, as you say. Thank you for writing how things were for you, it's great to hear how it all turned out.

I think my shock and need to communicate this yesterday came from the sheer strength of my feelings - or non feelings. We wanted this baby, but right now - I don't feel a thing and that in itself is almost physically painful. I'd never say that to anyone in rl.

Doing something to bond with my bump is something i'll make a concerted effort to do - either way, these two children need a mother who isn't a switched off zombie. So today me and DS went to playgroup then a long walk in the woods and i made a gp app for the morning (i agree TrillianAstra it's the thing to do).

The homeopathy thing is me clutching at straws. Just wondered if anyone thought much of it when dealing with depression. Understand your scepticism janefairfax.

MN is definitely the place to come for some sensible advice - thanks again.

I have suffered from terrible depression and anxiety throughout my pregnancy and just wanted to tell you that yes I have seen a homeopath.

Its quite hard to say how the actual medication affected me as I was using it in conjunction with other prescription anti depressants, but I do know that I had a few better, more positive days directly after taking the powders they gave me, and am continuing to see them until after I deliver. The whole experience was completely unlike visiting a conventional dr, they spent about an hour with me each time I've been and wanted to know a lot of detail about me as a person, which I found quite hard in some ways, but may be very therapeutic for you, just to be able to talk and be listened to.

The dr herself was so reassuring, she was not phased at how extrememly down I have been, and I felt better just for seeing her last time. she didnt judge me and seemed confident she could help even if I wasn't.

She has prescribed natural progesterone cream for me to try and offset any potential pnd by the way, so you may want to look into this. I hope you find someone as helpful as I did.

I have also been fortunate to find a voluntary counselling service and have found this so much better than anything I have been offered on the nhs (where I'm afraid ppl were reluctant to actually listen to me or acknowledge my feelings so they just continued to build up inside me).

Hope this is in anyway helpful, and what I would say most of all is whatever help you want to try, do it now, as I wish I'd got more help earlier on. Btw, I didn't tell some people at work etc that I was pregnant til I was about months so I know what you are saying about that.

Wish you all the very best. A lot of the ladies on here are also excellent if you are having bad days.

thank you lelarose - i hadn't realised anyone else had replied.

interesting to hear about your experience with the homeopath - i've made an appointment with one tomorrow after having a pretty disappointing one with a gp last week..

i told her everything and her response was 'well, you seem to be coping'. which i'm not! so i recognise what you're saying about the difficulties of being heard and acknowledged by an NHS person.

i feel like i have so much to say to this homeopath i don't know where she'll begin with any treatment. i'll mention the progesterone cream. i suppose i'm looking forward to just talking to someone as much as anything else. i think i should look for a counselling service too then.

i'm so sorry to hear you have experienced this depression and anxiety throughout your pregnancy - but thank you for telling me, it makes me feel less alone.

I used homeopathy eight years ago when I was depressed with my son. In theory the appointment was about my son's snotty nose, but she actually asked far more about me than my son.

The remendies made little difference to my son snot, however it was good to talk to someone. The lady that I saw was a retired CPN and was lovely.

PND does not necessarily recur. With my second child I have had anxiety without depression.

I was offered the option off seeing a midwife who was a mental health specialist and a referal to the perinatal team. However I did not need it as I was fine during pregnancy.

Its worth asking your health visitor for additional support so that any signs of postnatal depression are spotted before it develops into something evil and out of control.

I have found this website a usual alternative to medication.

www.livinglifetothefull.com

i will speak to my midwife at my booking in app - if i could speak to someone with mental health exp that would be great - will have a look at this website.

evil and out of control - made me smile (grimly). they are the words aren't they?

Hello peebee. So sorry to hear you feel like this. I have read a bit about homeopathy recently, and it seems that any positive effect you experience will be a placebo effect. Homeopathic remedies are, in effect, sugar pills - as the active ingredient has been diluted so much you'd have to take two olympic-sized swimming pools worth of the stuff to get one molecule of active ingredient. Also, the whole theory behind homeopathy seems flawed - would be too long and dull to go into detail here, but see Ben Goldacre's website for more.

Having said all that, I am someone who used acupuncture all the way through IVF and pregnancy. I have absolutely no way of knowing if it made any difference to anything, but I'd do it again if we were to try for DC2. Why? Because it felt like something nice to do for myself, and at times I really, really needed to do something nice for myself. As reallytired says, it's nice to talk to someone. At the very least, homeopathy (or acupuncture, reflexology, or any other alternative medicine) could be that "something nice" for you.

Good luck and best wishes and I really hope you get through this OK.