I am having a tough time at the moment. The last month has been so crazy. I'm on anti-depressants at the moment. The one that helps sleeping as I've been having problems sleeping too. But I've got so much on and few places I can outlet the problems.
Beginning of August, DP's mum went into a coma. She still is. We've been told the worst possible news twice. Now we're just waiting. She's going to be moved to a specialist at some point, but we were told this a few weeks ago, and they have said they don't know when this will be, can be weeks, can be months. Just feels like we're just lingering and nothing's happening, although I'm sure they're trying their best. DP has only just gone back to work a couple of weeks ago but is struggling. He finds it difficult to sleep but he's going to his doctor next week to see what they suggest. He's had to miss a couple of days off work due to not sleeping or just being run down, and I don't want him to get into trouble though they have been really good with him so far.
DP was suppose to move in two weeks ago. But obviously now is not the time because he needs to be close to his family. I understand this, but it's upset me still, though I know he needs to be there. He has had to change his hours at work so he can fit in time to go to the hospital as visiting hours were during his original work hours. I've been finding it hard at home to cope. DD is back to school now so it's a little easier, as during the summer holidays, I had to cope with what was going on as well as try and carry on being a mum and making the summer holidays fun for DD, but a lot of the time I feel like I don't have the energy to do anything.
On top of that I've been trying to start my own business and I have my final year at uni to do starting in less than 2 weeks. I have no idea how I'm gonna cope! We've been set work to do for the first week or two of uni and I'm struggling to keep on top of that, so no idea how things are going to be like when I'm working on my 6000 word dissertation or my portfolio or my final project! I've also had such money problems too. I was told if I didn't pay my rent, which I've been behind on due to only getting tax credits, child benefit and £10 a week maintenance from ex so have had to use some of my housing benefit to just keep me going, not had my student loan since April so that's all gone, and the little extra money has been for DP to go back and to from here to his home or to the hospital, or me going with him or meeting him there etc. Both of us have really struggled for money.
But my relationship with DP is also very strained at times. Most of the time we're okay, but then there are times where we just clash because he's going through an angry phase, or I'm going through stress and can't cope. This past week he has been finding it exceptionally hard as it's hit him that it's been over a month and he's not hopeful, and the realisation that his mum might not be there when we get married or when we have kids etc has hit him. I feel useless because there's nothing I can say or do to help him. It's just such a struggle at the moment that I don't know what I can do. All I know is I need to try and be more positive and to try and get back my energy and do what I need to do. But I feel like I'm stuck in a rut so I'm just really looking to a) get that off my chest and b) find some ways of trying to cheer myself up so I can be in a better state for not just myself, but for DD and DP too.