advice

[imissredwine]

need some help. have a 9 week old and am struggling to cope. i dont feel like a mum yet. going through the motions of nappies, feeding playing etc. husband fantastic and helps loads but is going back to work soon and im really worried about how im going to cope onmy own. have had loads of tears and sleeplessness, wake up tired all the time. dont want to talk to gp... what can i do?

Sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. Have you spoken to your health visitor about this? They're very knowledgeable about the sort of issues you're having and can help you come through these feelings. Can you give yours a phone today and ask her to visit you?

This will get better, I promise.

And congratulations on your little one! :)

Why do you not want to tak to the GP? Yes you can talk to health visitor instead, but I wonder why you are not willing ot get some help? You do need checking over for PND

It's such a huge adjustment - everything has changed and it takes some people longer to adjust than others. Having said this, 9 weeks is really not very long and I'm sure the feeling of being a mum will come eventually. That often comes when they start interacting more with you.

Also, it's impossible to prepare yourself for the reality of life with a newborn. It will get easier. Do you have much support other than your husband?

There are also things that can happen to your body after a birth like iron deficiency and thryoid problems which the gp can check for and easily treat. You should really get these ruled out, even if it is difficult for you to think about the possibility of pnd.

If it does turn out to be pnd, there is no shame in this. I had it myself, was reluctant to go to the gp, but was glad when I did because I started to feel better.

i just dont know what a gp can do... dont want pills or counselling. I just want these dark thoughts to go away so i can start being a mum..

have spoken to husband who is very supportive, we just cant afford him to be off work any more. have friends and family in the area but cant face tlkaing to anyone about how i feel

honestly feel like a failure and feel weak for not coping with this. im sure it is pnd but i cant admit it to anyone. this site has been hugely supportive to read during pregnancy and after the birth, was hoping for another fix

''i just dont know what a gp can do... dont want pills or counselling. I just want these dark thoughts to go away so i can start being a mum..''

That's the same as ''I don't want a plaster cast or physio, i just want my broken leg to heal''

Sorry to be firm with you hun, but you need to get real on this - you need some support to lost the dark thoughts and be a happy mum.

You may not need them, depending on how bad you are feeling and what other support you have, but it is not very helpful to straight away dismiss the two most effective treatments available for those dark thoughts...

and before you think I have easy talking, I didn't have pnd but I am recovering from severe complex ptsd and have been in some dark places, including not wanting to be here anymore ''for ds's sake'' and starting to act on this.

You need to take yourself seriously and get some help for baby's sake as well as your own.

Sorry I should have made my post clearer in saying that thyroid problems and iron problems can affect your mood and make you depressed.

If it was either of these things very common after pregnancy you would have to take pills to fix them just not anti-depressants.

I agree with everything madmouse said.

imiss, what advice would you give a friend if they came to you and told you what you've told us?

So, spoke to my GP today. She has offered a few life lines... actually feel better for 'going public'... have all the same dreadful thoughts but now feel that something can be done.

thanks to everyone who posted and read...

I know lots of women go through this, just didn't think it would be me. a way to go yet but the first step has been stepped.