I worry about myself and I feel like shit.

[poshsinglemum]

I love my dd but sometimes I feel that if I knew the realities of being a single mum I would never have got pregnant.
I feel ashamed that I am not married and pissed off with myself for choosing such shit men. I think I make stupid decisions, almost like self-sabotage. I don't know how to stop it. I feel resentful as my career has panned since having dd and I really miss my social life evn though I love her and wouldn't be without her. I guess I feel trapped.
The emotional impact of being a single mum has just added to the feeling of rejection and inferiority I had before. I am fed up of emotional pain all the time.
I think I am depressed and I have been to the docs but they won't pescribe me ad as I've had mh issues in the past.
I'm not sleeping properly and I would rather stay in bed but dd gets me up. She gats me going.
Mum has cancer and sometimes I wish I had it instead nso I could just go and be in peace. I'm not suicidal. Just want peace. I am just fed up of being dreadfully hurt all the time.

I feel very lonely too.

The minute you start wishing you had cancer instead of your mum something is badly wrong and you do need help. I don't understand you can't have ADs because you have had MH issues in the past. There must be more to this, what have they offered instead - a referral?

Being a single parent is hard - I've recently been one for a sodding week and I found it hard as I am still recovering and ran into the not recovered bits quite hard.

It's not unusual for your career to take a back seat for a bit when your dcs ar young - I've stepped from a senior/managing lawyer role to a supporting role and feel better for it - It will keep my experience alive and i will go back to senior later. Trying to see it as a positive thing.

You say you feel lonely - do you have any friends, mum friends and non mum friends who can keep you some company in the evening - someone who can babysit for you sometimes?

Poshsinglemum-
im sorry youre feeling like this.
you dont say how old youre DD is-but im guessing she s quite young?
well-im also a single parent and ive always been a single parent to my DD.

i can remember feeling like you do when she was a baby/toddler and it felt quite bleak and scary being a single parent.
this was years ago.
but being a single parent actually gave me more confidence in myself[as time went on]
and these days i feel confident as a parent and i know im doing a good job with her.
this is probably one of the greatest feelings in the world.

being a single parent doesnt mean being second best Poshsinglemum-so please dont feel bad about it-single parent familys are just as bonifide as other familys.

i think that we have to try a bit harder [as single parents]but it can be done.

[for me]-i had to "get out there" and take every opputunity there was/is-
like-trips out with others-toddler groups-
then later there came-kids holiday things ect ect-oh and there was things like surestart.
basically-anything that was about-i took it.
give youreself and youre daughter every opputunity to be with others and do fun things.

many years later[now]i still do these things and it has made life a lot lot better.
these days-yeah i do get pissed off/angry/fed up sometimes-but its the same as everyone else isnt it.

maybe you could see a councellor?
is there any groups near you for single parents?[where you can offload]

ive never tried them but is there a gingerbread near you?

im sorry that you are feeling so shit-but it does get better.

i hope this helps.

oh i forgot to mention[sorry]-
have you a homestart near you?[are they still going?]
because[if they still going]-if you have a child under five-they can also help you.

i had some help from them and a lovely lady used to come round and come with me to the toddler group-this helped me to get more confident about going to these places.
maybe someone could come round and just be with you for a while?

surestart might be able to put you in touch with other mums in youre area?

i believe that Mcmillan also supports familys.[you may now this already]

Hi all,

Thanks for the feedback. I do go out to a lot of groups etc but I still get lonely and resentful at times.
I do think that my mum's cancer has knocked me for six. I will research Homestart.

Have you had counselling, poshsinglemum?

Life shouldn't be all about emotional pain, it really sounds like you are suffering

Self sabotage is often all about getting what you think you deserve, steering clear of men who are 'too nice,' choosing people who treat you poorly as that is the role that you are familiar with. Living with low self esteem is truly awful, I have done it for almost all of my life, only in the past few years has it started to change, after I had counselling for panic attacks and anxiety.

I think feeling lonely as a single parent and sometimes resentful is totally normal, but it doesn't sound like you have the emotional upsides that balance that out - do you think you could be depressed?

I would suggest seeing a different doctor, not having AD's as you have had mental health problems in the past sounds like a crock of shit, pardon my french...

Keep posting...