anxiety/ depression - whats wrong with me??

[skooobie]

i am suffering from depression and anxiety, but im not sure whats going on. i feel down, snap at my dcs, over eat when down, feel resentful and often get very anxious where i panic, feel sick, cant breathe and often i then get really bad diahrea, sorry about spelling and tmi.

i also feel a lot of guilt about issues regarding my dcs, like having packed lunch instead of hot dinners etc, stupid things really but its always there.

if i am in a place with a lot of people i hAve thoughts in my head that they are talking, laughing about me and they hate me. then i just wish i could be invisable and i get really hot and anxious.

havent be able to tell the doctor the extent of all this, as i havent the confidence to admit it, as i am worried he will think i am stupid etc. however he knows i am depressed and has put me on 20mg of prozac. These are helping a bit but i am still affected by all of the above on a daily basis, just i am coping with dcs a bit better now.

does anyone have any experience of what i describe, or any advice?
thanks x

Hi skoobie,

I'm sorry that you are feeling like this at the mo. I would really encourage you to go back to the docs. You don't say how long you have been on your current meds, but they could need adjusting, dosage raised or even a change. Some anti depressents work better for different aspects of depression/anxiety.

The other thing is that by telling the doc, that might open up much longer term coping stratergies for you (CBT for example). The other symptoms could be side effects of the meds for example.

From my own experience, when I am depressed I get super paranoid, but it about stuff, so I used to think that my flatmates were using my shampoo (because in my head it was the best)

Is there anyone else you could talk to in rl? Sharing can really help. Also, try and think of things that you do enjoy, or give you a sense of satisfaction (like a brisk walk round the block etc) and try and build something like that into your day. Exercise in general can help boost your mood. I know it is hard, but try not to be too concerned about packed lunches for the dcs, they are fine!

Depression is hard work, and no fun and it takes no prisoners. I have 2 'serious' episodes going back over 12 years, and even now I can sometimes feel myself dipping down, so I have to get myself back on track. But I haven't suffered for the last 4-5 years (even with some crappy stuff happening).

Please be kind and patient with yourself x

What's wrong with you? You have depression and anxiety . It sucks.

Has the doctor offered you any other help, like counselling, instead of just bunging you some Prozac?

Hi Skoobie
I have also been told by my doc that I am suffering from the same thing as you - your description of symptoms is EXACTLY like mine, even down to screaming at your children. I also have a very emotionally controlling partner and live 200 miles from my family with no friends nearby. Please dont think you have no help..!! My doc has prescribed Citalopram 20mg daily for me. I definately did not want to take any type of anti depressant as I have always believed myself to be very level headed and 'normal' however, everyone needs help sometime! The tablets have helped me to not lose my temper quite so much and to calmly address what would have sent me sky high. I am also trying CBT techniques. Whatever you feel, you are not alone, you really are not. I bet more people go through what we are going through than you think. xxx

...Hi Skoobie, I know you have chosen not to receive email from other mumsnetters but if you would like to talk more I would be happy to email you? you can always change your preferences. It might just help to share some problems..I recently opened up to my family and believe me, talking really has helped. Always remember you are never alone x

Hi Skooobie
I too could so easily have written your thread. Well done for taking those first scary steps to getting help. I'm not quite there yet, have tried a couple of times but felt I was laughed at/brushed off. I know I need to, just scared to try again. Doctors can be so patronising sometimes. Have developed a real fear of them since some pretty awful 'care' whilst pregnant. I think along with depression theres some post traumatic stress thrown in too. I know I'll have to get it sorted soon- I'm so fed up of feeling like this. Good luck

hi thankyou everyone for the replies, it helps to know i am not alone.

sorry if i sound dumb but what is cbt? at present i have just been offered prozac from the doctor and told that i could have counseling but there is a long waiting list. but as i said before i have not told the doctor the extent of my problems.

francy i am sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds awful :( thankyou for your lovely post. dp you find that the cbt helps? i too have a bit of a controlling partner who sometimes looses his temper and is verbally abusive. :( i would love to chat via email, would be great to talk to someone who understands. i wil try to see if i can change the preferences, im not too good with computers! x

jerin thankyou for your reply. i hope you can find the strength to go the doctors, i know how hard it is to find the motivation. maybe some conselling and explanation from the hcp would be able to help you. i agree doctors can be very patronising! good luck x

Hey Skoobie,

I have some of your symptoms...have anxiety and get really irritable when stressed with my ds even tho he's extremely good and rarely grisly/grumpy.

I have been on citalopram on a low level for years and it used to keep my anxiety totally at bay....but after a stressful family holiday where i also drank too much (finally made connection that booze=more anxiety) my panic has reared it's ugly head again. I have increased my from 20mg to 30mg but still had anxiety and now am in process of increasing it to 40mg. I am gutted that i have to be on this level of anti depressant when i don't feel like i am actually "that mad"!!!! As i said i have a really good baby, i've looked forward to being a mum for years and should really be enjoying my time with him and not fretting and feeling anxious about nothing! But i guess it must be a combination of hormones and changed unfamiliar routine.

I went to see a counsellor tho and she really helped put things in perspective. She specialised in CBT...Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. See if you can find any info on it online. It changes the way you think about your anxiety and negative thoughts...so it stops the problem at the root and doesn't just treat the symptom which is what the anti-depressants do.

So i am still not feeling 100% but hopefully i am on the mend.

Good luck! I am pretty sure there is light at the end of the tunnel....that's what i am banking on!

Hey Skoobie,

I have some of your symptoms...have anxiety and get really irritable when stressed with my ds even tho he's extremely good and rarely grisly/grumpy.

I have been on citalopram on a low level for years and it used to keep my anxiety totally at bay....but after a stressful family holiday where i also drank too much (finally made connection that booze=more anxiety) my panic has reared it's ugly head again. I have increased my from 20mg to 30mg but still had anxiety and now am in process of increasing it to 40mg. I am gutted that i have to be on this level of anti depressant when i don't feel like i am actually "that mad"!!!! As i said i have a really good baby, i've looked forward to being a mum for years and should really be enjoying my time with him and not fretting and feeling anxious about nothing! But i guess it must be a combination of hormones and changed unfamiliar routine.

I went to see a counsellor tho and she really helped put things in perspective. She specialised in CBT...Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. See if you can find any info on it online. It changes the way you think about your anxiety and negative thoughts...so it stops the problem at the root and doesn't just treat the symptom which is what the anti-depressants do.

So i am still not feeling 100% but hopefully i am on the mend.

Good luck! I am pretty sure there is light at the end of the tunnel....that's what i am banking on!