My father is a mess. For the last twenty years or so he's suffered from unexplained pain in his chest and legs but despite many tests, doctors have never found a cause or cure.
He's spent much of these years alone in his bedroom. My mother lives with him and takes care of him the best she can and I visit a few times a week, as do my sibilings and their children. The only time he used to leave the house was for a monthly appointment with his GP or for a hospital appointment. He'd occasionally take my Mum food shopping but would wait in the car.
He's taking prozac and over the years has taken lots of presciption drugs - mainly painkillers but nothing has helped him. He'll often throw a line such as 'You don't know pain like this' and I've often thought that he doesn't help himself in any way...perhaps I've run out of sympathy (after seeing how much he's controlled and prevented my mum from leading any sort of life) and can't help but think that the problem is in his head and that I'd be in pain if I only travelled to and from the toilet and spent the rest of the time lying in bed - surely it'd hurt anyone to get up?!
In the last six months, he's declined even further. He hasn't visited his GP (who has now sent, by post, another repeat prescription - that'll be 9 months in total without even so much as a phonecall to see how he is), no longer leaves his bedroom, watches tv, reads, or sees anyone other than my mother who he can't hold a conversation with and instead lies all day, everyday, with the pillow over his head.
Before March 7th (the last time he went out and nothing happened that day to cause these changes) he'd answer the door if I was there with my children or answer the phone if my mother was out. These days, he'll leave me standing on the doorstep in the rain, ignores the phone and has no contact with his grandchildren who he used to make an effort to come downstairs and see if they were there. A few months back, a repair man came to the house and unsually, my dad had gone into the kitchen to get some water. When he heard the door knock, he ran and hid in the downstairs storage cupboard.
More worryingly, prior to six months he'd have one meal a day and now he's often going days - right now two weeks without any food. My mother cooks for him and throws away meal after meal uneaten. He's drinking LOTS of tea and smoking as much as he always has - if not more. My mum thinks he weighs less than eight stone and he's touching 6 foot. He can't stand up straight and every step seems to take him a lifetime. He doesn't wash, shave or cut his hair. And, when he does eat he'll sit on the side of the bed all night with his head in a bucket.
My poor mother has done all she can - this situation has become 'normal', not just for her but for all of us. She has stood by and supported him in everyway possible, attended every hospital appointment (but he makes her wait in the car) and has no life of her own - he won't allow her to work or leave the house often because there'll be no one to look after him...and he'll make her feel guilty her by saying, "There's nothing here for me to eat - you don't buy any food for me - I'd better have a slice of bread before I die" etc. despite her almost having an anxiety attack when she's in the supermarket because she can't think of anything exciting that he'll definiately eat.
Life can't go on like this for either of them and I've decided to make an emergency appointment in his name tomorrow and go along myself to speak to his GP. I've convinced my mother to go along with me but she feels as though she'll be going behind his back and he'll be FURIOUS if he finds out she's spoken about him. I really think we need to get a crisis team to see him, have him assessed and even sectioned. Does anyone know how likely this would be given the circumstances? I really cannot see anything changing if he's only medicated - he needs to be taught how to live again.
I'm so sorry this is so long...I guess I'm just looking for some advice on where we can go from here and what might happen so that I can prepare my mother.