feeling like a fraud

[TrippleBerryFairy]

I have an appointment with GP soon and am not sure whether it's worth mentioning that I suffer from mild anxiety, I avoid people and generally want to have as little contact with them as possible. My self esteem is crap and I overanalyse things and every day I live with feelings of guilt and shame. Wish I knew why, really...

I feel like I am a fraud, I deceive people pretending I am confident although as soon as they get to know me better I am sure they find me weird, awkward and lame. Cause that's how I really am. I am just so tired of it all. I make is sound like I have a life although I have little of it. I am anxious and tense and people don't like these traits, do they. Makes me shut down even more when I see peoples' reaction to me really. But then I wonder maybe it's all in my head, maybe it's not how they see me and maybe I'm just imagining things?... Some days I feel reasonably ok and can be reasonably friendly but then next day I'm miserable and don't want to socialize at all...

I think I might be suffering some form of depression (had it in the past along with some other mental helth problems which are now sorted). But on the other hand I am functioning, I am getting up and gong to work and taking care of the house/DS so can't be that bad really?... I wish I could get rid of the anxiety somehow, I worry too much about what people think about me and how they perceive me...

This is load of b***t this post, I know. I just wonder whether it's worth mentioning all this to GP or should I just snap out of it, get a grip, lighten up and sort out myself somehow...

I am embarrased by this post already. I'm a bit of a mess, I'm sorry.

Hi Mozarela don't be embarrassed! and don't apologise.

I am sorry you are having a hard time.

It sounds like you might have some sort of depression - and just because you are strong enough to function and get on with things, doesn't mean you don't deserve to be looked after and helped a bit.

I don't know when your GP appt is but it's definitely worth talking to him / her about it as they might be able to help. Have you tried cognitive behavioural therapy or other forms of talking therapies before?

It's not as simple as just snapping out of it, and it's not your fault. Do remember that you deserve to be happy - so just because how you're feeling isn't getting in the way of the practicalities of your life, it does sound like it's getting in the way of you enjoying yourself and that's not right.

I hope your GP can help and that you get your confidence back soon.

I can only second what gardenpixie has so wisely said - I recognise the feeling of being a fraud. I felt I had to try harder and get myself back together but I couldn't and turned out to be quite poorly

Well on the mend now thanks to counsellors and friends.

So go for it - get osme support. You deserve it.

mozarela You do sound depressed my love. All the thoughts and feelings you describe seem like those of depression, but also the way in which you describe them -- apologetic, self-berating, etc. Absolutely you should mention this to your GP. I hope you feel better after speaking with him/her, or that you can agree on some course of action that will help.

Be kind to yourself.

thank you for replying to this. I had 'talking therapy' some years ago for different problems and found it really helpful.

I have the appointment on monday, busy weekend ahead but I must write everything down so I'm clear and to the point at GPs.

I am sick of being antisocial and feeling worthless. I have to do something about it. Although part of me thinks that maybe that's my personality, that's how I am - little social skills, shy, quiet and anxious. But then there were times when I wasn't so I don't know.